AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

Mine started with a phone call from the BrickOutHouse who told me not to come near the rotten old bitch who won't do a thing she's told for her own good. (Poor thing got the daily double with grandmothers. His fraternal one is also batshit insane)

Follow up call from Mother who tells me that BrickOutHouse is nothing like he used to be before that 'sheila' came into his life. In other words, he now has a life and is not waiting on grannie hand and foot. It is 8.15 a.m.

Hysteria starts early around here.

9.10 a.m. and I ring the bank for a balance which seems to be the same as it was on Ma's last pension day and shouldn't be. 20 minutes on hold then a real person who is as bewildered as I am and keeps going away to confer until she disconnects me.

9.58 a.m. and I'm dressed and heading for the bank at Southland. Another half hour of my life I won't get back. The teller prints out the last 10 transactions and I'm still confused when I see a pension amount of $500. Ding Dong, could it be the one off pensioner payment?

10.35 a.m. and I'm having a black coffee and toast breakfast with the last of my money. I decide to ring centrelink on my mobile and check and 5 minutes of mobile money departs before I hang up without speaking to anyone. The seat was comfortable, the coffee was good so I sat there for an hour trying to get a handle on a science post that's been eluding me. Blood pressure seems to be going down.

11.45 a.m. I pick up lunch and arrive at mother's who didn't remember I was coming even though I told her during the morning's phone call. I look at the mail and find the letter from the Minister about the $500 which would have been a real help if I'd read it on Friday. Ma's looking shifty and I know she's put that letter in her walker basket instead of where it should have been.

By 1.00 p.m. I've got all the outstanding bills in order and done the shopping list for Thursday.

1.30 p.m. she has lunch, if you can call a huge custard tart, lunch but I can't be bothered argueing any more. She suddenly remembers she hasn't got any purple pills, they're green but I know what she wants. I put them on the list for Thursday.

At 2.15 p.m. I begin the trudge home because the chemist has to be paid, letters posted and every other bill can be paid at Australia post. I grovel to the pharmacist for the biggest hit of codeine in a pill without a Doctor's prescription. Bits and pieces of me are paining. My ring finger knuckle joint, my big toe, both thumbs, part of my jaw, one hip (don't mention the knees) so I get lovely painkillers.

Sit down in the park for a rest and realize I haven't bought any water to take the pills. Say several bad words and start trudging again. Pull two feet of pretty cerise geranium out of the nursing home garden and sneak off. Walk past the house that sold on the weeked for $650,000 and hope the ex reads it and chokes.

If I take enough pills I should be unconscious by 10.30 p.m. tonight.