Thursday, December 13, 2012

The Christmas Grump



Well this time last year, he was but a bun in the oven, actually just a scone.  His hair has fallen out but that happened to his father and the next thing we knew, voluminous brown curls erupted.  I want curls before Christmas, brownish red ones from the Irish half of his inheritance but he's just as likely to have black from the Russian side. He looks a bit serious here but then so would I if someone had dressed me to look like Kermit.


I have not been quite myself this past week.  I hate Christmas. I hate Christmas at the Home. I hate people who want to give me animals because I'm alone. I have a concrete budgie that needs painting and he's annoying me.  Animals are needy even the concrete ones. I hate birds who get feed and watered every day but still eye off my teeny 4 tomatoes and my 2 teeny banana chillies.
I hate the heat. I hate being fat in the heat. I hate having my senses attacked by Christmas smells of puddings and cakes and mince pies. My Christmas stash consists of 4 mince pies, 2 minute microwave puddings, light thick cream (and I don't believe there is such a thing) and all natural, no added sugar frozen berries and one block of Lindt intense coconut. The Christmas bird is half a free range chicken and I will have roast potatoes if Coles have the low GI ones they're always boasting about but I can never find.  This is not my Christmas Day, this is Boxing Day because you know where I'll be on the 25th, locked up with crazy old ladies 3 days from the full moon.

Tomorrow night is the Christmas Party.  I hate the Christmas party.

10 comments:

The Elephant's Child said...

Aaaagh. Yours from a very similar dugout in the trenches. Bring on Boxing Day. Please.

Kath Lockett said...

I'd print out a clipping of the adorably cute 'Kermit' in your handbag to glance at every time you're stuck in the Home and think you're going to scream. It'll help you survive until Boxing Day. K xo

River said...

He's such a cute little Kermit.
Next time you're in Coles ask if they DO actually have the low GI potatoes and can they keep a bag for you? You'll have to tell them when you'll pick them up though, they can't just keep random stuff.
I second Kath's idea of printing the Kermit photo. and keep chanting it's only one day, it's only one day.
I hate the heat too.

Andrew said...

Bless the wee leprechaun.

Ann O'Dyne said...

dear great-aunt Coppy - Sweet Potato is the diet type
Sweet potato, not only is just sweet to your taste buds but also good for your cardiovascular health

JahTeh said...

EC, today they are predicting more rain, perhaps a thunderstorm and more for the weekend, lovely. I haven't checked the tomatoes after last night's storm, probably flattened.

Kath, that is the problem. Nephew and son made wonderful fathers but 20 years apart and it puts cracks in my heart when I see the BOH and son laughing together.

River, I would but I have to lug the things home then.
It's not just one day, I have been shackled to my mother for 6 years and I'm looking at another long road. Sorry if that hurts anyone who has lost their mum. I am mothered out.

Andrew, who'd have thought the two most ditzy people in the world would end up terrific parents. Pregnancy didn't do it but the sight of that baby seemed to push the responsibility button in both of them. They didn't even rush out and buy a big tv with the baby bonus, they banked it. The shock almost did me in.

Annie O, I loathe sweet potato as much as you loathe kiwi fruit. It's not food that's cutting my heart to pieces. I don't think I've come as close to ringing LifeLine as I have this December fortunately I found a LOLcat that made me laugh.

The Elephant's Child said...

And laughter, particularly black laughter keeps so many of us more or less upright. Re the mothered out? I wish I didn't understand - but I do.

Frances said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn2h3_aH3vo&feature=player_embedded

Do you kmow Simon's Cat, JahTeh?
His attitude here to a Christmas tree is very cheering.

(Sorry that I can't do the links thing better).

JahTeh said...

Frances, I love Simon's cat and the Christmas tree brings back great memories of my cats. There's nothing like waking up in the middle of the night by the sound of Christmas baubles being belted round the house. I got round the tree being knocked over by cementing it into a huge plastic flower urn, it didn't stop the bauble bashing though.

Middle Child said...

I LOVE your summers! It gets hot but there is relied - it was the humidity in Port Macquarie that did me in from November through to April - I sweated all the time not a nice look - I don't sweat here - its marvellous - maybe I will adapt in time and it will be hot