FOOD MEME - PART TWO

6. What food can you so not eat?

Foie Gras. Tripe. Anything I've been introduced to. Anything I'd have to kill myself. Pig's ears, not even Nigella can make eating them sexy. Duck's feet, actually anything feet. Not even swimsuit boy in his yumminess could make me chomp on his feet.

7. You need a drink, you grab a...........

Cute waiter, well I'm thirsty and I need attention. mumble, mumble back to the meme. If it's summer then soda water with lemon and a million ice cubes. If the sun is over the yardarm then add Bombay. If it's winter, coffee with cocoa in the morning and Earl Grey tea in the afternoon. (I'se so terribly refined)
I also love fruit smoothies at any time but the kilojules would bust a diet in the manner of Humpty Dumpty, never to be put back together.

8. What's the most decadent dish you've every had?

Ooh, there was that time we used that sweet thing as a serving platter for Petit Fours using his navel for a sugar basin for the tea. What? I see, cooked dish. Damn, I don't think I've ever had a decadent dish. Does eating fish and chips out of clean white paper instead of newsprint count?

I did eat one of those enormous ice-cream sundaes with 5 flavours, chopped nuts, raspberry, chocolate and passionfruit syrup. It was when the City Square went all underground with lounge chairs, for which the homeless were eternally grateful, and they had an American type ice-cream parlor. The sundae came in an 8 inch tall champagne type plastic container.

9. What's your favourite type of food?

Nothing that's moving. Nothing I have to eat with chopsticks. Nothing I have to share with anybody. Something I can eat with fingers in front of the teev or with one fork and one dish. Nothing on bamboo skewers, everything falls off after the first bite.

10. Favourite dish.

Do you have an hour to read this? I've already done bread, pavlova, chocolate, ice-cream.
I do love pasta with a yum sauce especially papardelle pasta. I never eat pasta outside, in public or on a first date. It is an anti-social dish best eaten with a tea towell and painting drop sheet. I have never yet eaten a whole dish without dropping half down the cleavage. It also has to have three cheeses (kilojules again) parmesan, romano and cheddar. Don't forget the garlic and herb bread for mopping up.

You see why I'm doing this in parts? The hunger, I'm like a vampire on speed when reading food blogs especially the cake blogs. It's a blessing I've become too lazy to cook, looking at the pictures is enough. And, weighing oneself in the bathroom instead of the bedroom drops the scales out of the redwarningdanger by 2kgs. W00T!

FOOD MEME - PART ONE

I have to do this in stages or I'll end up sobbing. The scales were most unkind this morning probably something to do with humidity affecting the internal workings of the machine. Anyway, chocolate, ice-cream, apple cakes (sob) and anything else remotely pleasurable is verboten.

1. What's your No. 1 comfort food?

I know you lot, you're all thinking chocolate, right? Wrong, it's bread. Gorgeous wonderful bread in all its varieties especially straight from the oven. And with butter, which I'm not allowed to have but occasionally sneak onto a bread anything. Is there anything more delicious than a sausage with fried onions and tomato sauce on a thick slab of fresh white bread? Sanatarium make tofu sausages that almost equal the meat sausages so I recommend them. There's a shop in Hampton that bakes huge blocks of Turkish bread, divine. Cheese bread with olives and tomatoes......... I'm dying here.

2. If you were stranded on a desert island, what 5 foods would you want to have with you to survive on?

All the fixings to make bread.
Chocolate.
Butter for the bread.
Ice-cream to put the chocolate on.
Gin. Bombay Sapphire is too a food especially if it has a lemon in it.

3. What are your signature dishes (what dishes are you known for making)?

I had signature dishes once when I used to cook. It makes me tired just to think about them.
I used to make tiny meatballs wrapped in bacon, on a bed of rice, covered with a tomato sauce and sliced stuffed olives.
I used to make a Christmas cake full of fruit full of booze but not ordinary booze, Tia Maria which gave it a coffee kick.
Then there was the year (talk about Julie and Julia) where I cooked my way through Charmaine Solomon's Asian cookbook. I even made my own coconut milk and hand ground the spices.
My signature dish is now bread and jam and ice-cream with melted chocolate, okay two signature dishes.

4. It's Friday, you don't know what to cook, you opt for......

Chips. If I want to be fancy, chip butties. If I've forgotten to buy spuds, it's butties anything that hasn't died in the fridge. I know chips come under cooking but if you can cook it in your sleep, technically it isn't cooking.

5. What's your ultimate food weakness?

Pavlova. Coffee pavlova, plain pavlova with cream and passionfruit, praline pavlova with chocolate cream, anything pavlova. I'm like a truffle pig, I can sniff out a pav within three miles.
At a buffet, I start at the Pavlova end and finish there. Crispy shell on the outside, luscious marshmallow melting centre, whipped cream and raspberries with drizzled melted chocolate. If only they made blokes like this, I could get to like sex again.

OMENS FOR THE BIG RACE

There are plenty, too many to pick the winner which I never do.
There was that enormous thunderstorm on Thursday night, a light show that went on for an hour and teeming rain.

I like a shower at night but I'm canny in a thunderstorm, I light a candle in the bathroom. It's very Hitchcock to be in the middle of a shower when the lights go out.
What I didn't need was a factory alarm to short and continue wah-wahing until 4.30 in the morning.

More thunder on Friday night, more rain and lightning. No sleeping so I turned the computer on and surfed until the wee small hours. Back to bed and drifting to sleep when 'the noise' went off under my bedroom window. Not a cat fight, not a possum fight but a lost duck. The duck family have taken up residence in the pool across the road but this one must have faulty GPS to land under my window and if it flew in, it could fly out. Just another noise in the catalogue of things to fright about.

Mother rang to say she'd paid for my Sunday lunch at the home. Now that's blackmail, who can resist a free meal. Luckily the apple cake bakery is open all day on a Sunday.

A lot of omens but I couldn't find a horse that suited any of them and as much as I would like to see Bart win another Cup, I really want the longest priced outsider horse to win. That's what makes the Cup great, the uncertainty.

SING LOUDLY 'OH WHAT A NIGHT!' WOO-AH

Halloween, my night of nights

A yearly bath in some noxious moat water

and a touch of Eau de Swamp

My best royal purple rig

It goes so precious with my complexion

A bit of a brew up with the ghorls
We make a mean proof gin
This year we didn't dissolve the cauldron
Forgot the olives


Flight home was a bit bumpy
But coming in on a broom and a prayer
A Halloween tradition



Bloody Igor! Two instructions only
Let the bats out
Leave the drawbridge down
If the ghoul had half a brain it
would be lonely
Wait, he has only half a brain
Sold the other half to
that looney doctor down the hill
for some science experiment

Well that's it for another year
Done me broom licence
Six months
Didn't think the brew was that strong
Bloody Igor
All Saints Day now
Damn ringing bells
Head aches

THERAPY - BREATHE - DROOL- BREATHE AND REPEAT

Don't those legs go up a long way.

All the way up to that lovely chest.

Nice shorts, I love to unwrap my presents.

Yep, you can definitely bathe him in rose

water and drag him to my tent

in chains at midnight.