Thursday, December 18, 2014

Try again

I wrote a very long post yesterday which was read by Elephant's Child before it disappeared. I think I pressed a wrong button somewhere and I keep getting error notices from Blogger that also disappear before I can grab the error number to email them about the error.

Nov 30, see mother, very ill.  Home at 6 and phone call, mother much worse, needs us.
I sit from 6 til 8 next morning in a chair designed by the Spanish Inquisition and cripple myself.
She really was dying, nothing fake about that.  Oxygen, morphine, anti-psychotic drugs for the terrors, struggling to breathe, eyes fallen back in her head and red in a pale face.

By the next Friday, she is sitting up in bed after a shower and eating breakfast.

Saturday morning, deep in the only sleep I've had since the last Saturday, the phone rings.  After I calm the heart beat down to non heart attack, I realize it's mother.  She's rung my number but can't remember how to talk into the phone.  I hang up.

Sunday, she is off the morphine by injection, no oxygen, other drugs gone just some ventilin to clear the lungs.

I don't ring, take her calls or go to see her for 4 days.  Something has snapped inside me.  After sitting for so long with half my mind watching her die and the other half preparing a funeral, I've lost it completely.  I cannot get my mind to reboot to normal and I'm dealing with the fact that I am filled with anger that even dying, she managed to manipulate me into being with her because she was frightened.

I refuse to go to the Christmas Party. I go down the next day and she has more visitors than she can handle.  Tells me off for not getting them out.  Afternoon tea is party leftovers, which I don't get so I can't tell her not to eat it.  I do tell her to put the bed up but she's in charge and doesn't so she shoves the chocolate crackle slice into her mouth, doesn't chew it and chokes.  As in purple in the face, no breath choking but manages to bring up most of it with much coughing and more choking.
In between coughs and flying crackles she points to the Kleenex box so I move it closer to her and she looks in and says, "Wash my teeth, there's chocolate on them". The carers are hovering around by this time so I pick up my bags and leave.

Only been back once, yesterday and only because she needed her DVD viewer because she was tired of looking at the ceiling.  I didn't intend to take it, the BOH was going to do it and called in on Monday night to pick it up.  By the way did I have any painkillers, his hand was hurting from using it to break his 8 foot fall onto a concrete floor.  I take one look, tell him to get to the hospital as it was broken, no it's not, he just needs painkillers.  Tuesday night I get a call, do I have anything stronger than the pills I handed out the night before because they don't give out painkillers at the hospital where he is having his arm plastered from wrist to elbow.

My sister asked mother if she saw anyone from the other side when she was dying. By the way mother wasn't dying, just a little ill for a day or so.  Yes, she saw her mother and my father and sister asked why didn't you go with him?  Mother said he told her to go back.  I swear if he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him.

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

The curtain is almost down

After more farewells than Nellie Melba, Mum has finally taken the stage for the last time.
It is now a matter of days then hours. I stayed all night, Sunday and almost crippled myself in a monster of a chair. So now we are staggering the visits until she drifts into a coma and will be moved to the Lavender Room, with comfy chairs and a soothing fish tank to watch.
Doc Marvin has been wonderful. To clear away the monsters she has been so frightened of, he's ordered special meds and morphine has taken away any pain. 
She has gone downhill in a matter of days and the staff have come in from their days off to say goodbye although not in so many words.
I will be back at some stage.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Quick update

Mother not good again.  Lots of morphine but don't count her out yet.  Friday out of bed for a shower then straight back. Saturday and Sunday no shower just a wash in bed. If it's the same today I'll really worry.

I have my treadmill, $250 and the seller helped the BOH bring it to the house and set it up.  It's the size of the Monash Freeway so my chair won't fit and I'm typing this with one arm around the left upright.  This will be fixed by taking apart the very old and huge desk on the other side of the room.
The only way to move it out of here is through the window which I've done twice but now that's where the computer family lives and I'm not moving that. We'll just hack it to pieces and if the top is in one piece, I'll put it across the 2 tables I've got here and presto, more room.
The treadmill has more buttons on it than the computer, all I need is the one that says "walk".

I will return soon.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Stress...I haz it

Warning, I may become a little hysterical through this post. There may be errors because my eye won't stop the nervous twitch it's developed.
Where do I start....
The BOH, he'll do.  Heard from his father who wanted to know his birthday and year he was born because he was making out his will.  That was a laugh, we all wanted to know if he was leaving him the back child support he never paid. Turns out he had 3 blocked arteries to the heart and typical of men had walked around with pains down his left arm for 2 months. I think he's okay, we can't find out because very concerned sister (ha!) lost his mobile number and couldn't remember which hospital he was in.  BOH wondered how anyone could make a will leaving nothing.

Then he came in with that look I know so well, a favour is about to be asked, the kind that turns my life upside down. His stupid boss had let the lease on the factory lapse and it wasn't going to be renewed, could I take all the stuff he had stored there.  This was all the stuff that was moved out of the tiny bungalow when the baby was born. 16 plastic wheelie boxes of scrapbooking arrived followed by a huge stereo with giant speakers.  Fortunately I'd taken my life in my hands and up the ladder I went in the morning and moved what he already had into a smaller more compact pile. I put boxes on top of the bookcases and his tv and his cuckoo clock which I'd clearly labelled "do not lie down" upright. My empty boxes came down although I did get my dress pattern box and a load of lovely tinsel which came from mother. His clothes and doona covers are now in the bottom of my wardrobe. He opened another bag full of brand new towels and decided to take one for the gym, he was told to take the lot and use them.
Now I still have a vw in the drive in front of the vintage classic 64 Falcon. In his usual fashion he had started from the inside out, the door panels and seats have all been upholstered in black suede (faux) and no, they can't come in the house so they are in the Falcon shell covered up in case of possums. He is now worried that someone will see them from the front gate so he's getting a tarp to hide the windows. My hallway is now jammed to the ceiling and just ends at the wall where I can hang a cloth to hide the lot. One good thing, not a mouse was found and I managed to toss all old videos and cases out.

Next clean up and on the same day was the study because he'd found the perfect treadmill for me on ebay.  He went off with the ute to offer cash and bring it straight back. At least this was something I could do sitting down as I whizzed the chair on wheels from one end of the room to the other.  If I remember, this room is about 10 feet by 12 feet with a built in wardrobe.  I have a huge desk on one side but I couldn't leave the computer there because it reminded me of the ex and I shuddered every time I passed the door so I have a table, chest of drawers and small bookcase set up in front of the window. The new desktop sits on the table but I still have the old desktop on the bookcase as I try to figure out the instructions from Microsoft about importing files. 2 large bookcases and one small line the wall to the left, 2 large, 1 small and a cd tower line the wall to the right. There is a bookcase inside the wardrobe, there is a cupboard in front of one bookcase, with a record player on top. There is a cupboard on wheels which I can't put in the front room until the blinds go up. Forgot the two chairs, fan, filing baskets on wheels and a tall cupboard behind the door which I hauled in from the laundry. That was a beast, who knew it was nailed to the walls with 6 inch nails. Anyhoo, the sellers wouldn't take the money on the spot, hoping to make more but he's watching the auction like a hawk and if he finds a better one, the space is ready.

Mother rings, a bit distressed.  One of her roomies died but because she can't turn her head very well, she couldn't work out which one. What I found out yesterday was the roomie died about 3 a.m. Saturday morning and was not moved from her room until late Saturday afternoon.  Of course they pulled the curtain around but mum was still sitting in her room with a dead body all day. They have a room for residents who have passed or are on the way but she was not taken there. Distress for my mother and no dignity for an old lady.  Today her belongings were still by the bed in black garbage bags. Yesterday they had washed and ironed underwear, t shirt and pants for the burial, a tiny pile of what looked like op shop rejects. Surely in those bags was a nice dress of some kind that could have been used.  I'm getting to hysterical here.  I've rung the Elder Rights Advocacy who are already working on another matter involving mum and told them.  Also made a complaint to Elder Rights complaints who won't take action unless I say so in case it fucks up the other matter. I also told Doc Marvin. Now I've told all of you.

So, Monday in Mentone, looney capital of Oz.  I have a coffee, wander up to the newsagent to cash in a Scratchie and I heard someone yell, didn't think it could be me but next thing I have a woman clinging to me and asking for help. She had been drinking but wasn't drunk, the help she wanted was about her mother who was clearly on the way to dementia. So I'm trying to uncling myself, calm her down and listen at the same time. I mean, I've been through this so I know this kind of mother induced distraught.  So she's telling me that her mother sits in the house and screams and has been doing so for 4 months and then proceeds to demonstrate the scream in the middle of Mentone. She has a job as she had a security lanyard around her neck but had just reached breaking point. I found her handbag, sat her down for a coffee and said I was on my way to my mother's nursing home so must leave her. I get another clinging hug and thank-you's and I make a break for freedom. And, yes I did check that my purse hadn't been pick-pocketed. What really surprised me were the people who said I should have pushed her away and walked off. 

I walked into mum's room and burst into tears.
It brought everything back that I thought I had dealt with and then I turn round to find the garbage bags sitting by the vacant bed, something my mother has been looking at for two days, three days now. 

I tell you blog mates, from now on I'll be getting the taxi to the other end of Mentone and peering round corners for the next 6 months.