Sunday, August 21, 2016

Joy turns to hysteria and pain and inches me closer to that breakdown.

Now going back in the WayBack Machine which I use a lot on this blog, I visit my want list.
A Toilet. A toilet that is tall so I don't have to put an extension seat on it for my dodgy knees.  You must remember the joy when I finally had the money thanks to a jackpot at the pokies. I googled immediately and found the right height and what weight it took and the place was just down the road.
What was the hurry?  Well there were several other things on the want list and leaving money around this house is never a good idea.  The trees need pruning, the gates need work, a house cleaner for a day, a handyman for a month. Don't worry about the spouting, my mother used to ram a screwdriver wherever it was blocked and the water ran on to the garden in the dry spots.  Put a hose in the down pipe, yes done that except I kind of lost control of the hose and control of me standing on top of the ladder which wasn't in shape for my shape.  Thank the Godness, in those days no-one had those damn camera/movie phones or I would have been on Youtube for ever.

Anyway the excitement was too much for me and I bought my dream then started saving up for the plumber. Sister said why didn't I sit on it at the showroom, well honestly how does one try out a toilet without trying out a toilet.  Like trying out a bed in the showroom that 2 hundred people had already jumped about on it.  The big day comes, old is out, new is in and IT'S A COMPLETE AND UTTER BASTARD OF A THING.  Who in their right mind designs a square toilet when last time I looked bums are round.  My weight might have been spot on for the design but not for the seat and lid.  It rocked and rolled all over the place. Plumber comes back next day and puts in larger and longer screws, works for an hour. The soft self closing lid makes it all look so neat and tidy but it's not a flat lid. It has a 4cm rim to come down over the pan and it's hard plastic and it's sharp especially when it hits the really bad spot on the spine.  I could have been designed to hit that exact spot. And it's crashing and banging but the flush is very quiet which is too bad since I've woken up the neighbours with the first sit down crash.  And just to make it all bright, I twisted and put my hip out of joint getting out of the taxi and believe me it doesn't like square seats either.

I was up and down all night  taking pain killers with water and getting rid of the water in the jaws of hell and taking more pain killers.  Rang the plumber this morning and demanded he come back and replace dead old crappy crapper with it's swinging extension seat.  He hummed and aahed but I said I didn't want the money back, I'd pay him more and he could also take the $700 toilet with him.  That's right $700 and believe me if he leaves it here I will take a sledge hammer to it.  The reason for the hesitation was that it was so hard to install that he's not too happy at uninstalling it.  He should work for Windows 10, another bastard mob.

Nephew came in this morning, built like a brick outhouse, 6'4", remember him. So I had him sit, sit I said, get your eyes tested and his opinion is actually unprintable, on my blog.  It crashed and banged and he said the plumber hasn't installed it right, I don't care, I want it gone.  Now I'm still in pain but after the taxi, I dragged the bins out and inside wondered why the cat was screwy. I'd warned plumber about dodgy tap in the bathroom for when he turned the water back on but forgot the one in the laundry and I had a flood so just to add to pain I had to pull out the washing machine and put a bucket behind to catch water. I did turn it off as much as possible.  Cat's litter box is in the corner surrounded by water, no wonder he rushed off and was gone for an hour.  I spent the next 10 minutes digging wet kitty litter out of the bottoms of my feet.  Plumber fixed that next day, held out a lump of rust and asked how long this washer had been in the tap, time of the ark by the look of it.  Nephew got the bucket out and pushed the machine back in. I haven't been game to use it yet, there's an eclipse coming up, think I'll wait til it passes.

Plumber due back sometime next week, or else.  Plumber's mate, really brilliant, tall so I asked him to take out one of the 4 globes that have blown in the light in the study. he asked me to turn the light on so he could see what he was doing.  I should have called a halt then.

So after the disaster with the chair, lights, nephew's warehouse down my hall way, car yard in the carport and tyre depot down the side and now bloody bog, nothing is ever going to be done again. The rat in the oven will live there until he dies, no new stove and no rat traps either.  I would never cook there again if I had to haul out a body to get breakfast.  Air conditioner hasn't been checked since 1996.  And if that isn't enough, hard rubbish collection is due.  I will not pick up one single thing unless it's really really useful. 

And the possums, such a joy.  Loving the oranges so much that when they've finished the inside, they're hanging the skins on the branches of the apple tree.  Looks really pretty through my tears since I'm quite sure the mongrels know I'm allergic to oranges and I managed to eat one which was ambrosia before I broke out in spots.

Now for painkillers and icecream stuffed in the freezer.  I can eat icecream, the battery in my blood checker has fritzed.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

My usual take on Sunday selections. And I'm officially going to be a great grandmother. And I'd like to be moderately rich.


The newly appointed heads of the Australian Board of Statistics.
Notice the hair do, already looks like it's been torn out in frustration.
Notice the beady eyes, already shifty and they haven't stuffed up yet.
Notice the beaks, long enough to stick right into your business.









I'm adding another string to my bow.
Crazy mouse lady.
If this was USA I could have gone out and bought
a howitzer and blown the stove to bits
and killed the little mongrel.
But I'm still living with the cunning creep.




Several political parties are dead ahead for this.
The rest of this year could be very interesting.
I wish I had money invested in a lifeboat company.




Saturday, August 13, 2016

At last it's official! Let the blame throwing commence.





Round is going to be flatround if he insists on stopping in front of me for absolutely no reason at all except that he can.
Cat logic should be a valid subject for University study, it beats any logic being spouted by our politicians at the moment.  From the 'oh my God, we've been cyber attacked by criminal hackers' we have now come to the facts of the crash of Census night.  They didn't have enough of anything that could handle the amount of traffic rushing to the site, in fact some code was written 30 years ago.  The poor bloke they handed this steaming pile of merde to is so new to the job I doubt he could find the men's room for a panic stricken pee.  Them in the Government starved the ABS of funds to buy new computers.  Their answer to that was to cut some of the questions, cat logic in action.  I should link to the Age article but they also reported that obese people live ten years less/fewer (should satisfy the grammar critics) than skinny people so I don't have time for that.

"HEADS WILL ROLL" was Malware's reply (straight from Hunger Games script) to this dastardly attack but this was before the facts were made public and I wonder how his NBN performed on the night in question.  Could we have a new Census about that?  Not trusting him in the slightest, I filled out my terribly, frightfully important few pages with a trusty pen and will post (laughter at trusting AustraliaPost) it tomorrow if it's not raining, I mean it's not like it's urgent now.

One 'somebody important' who's name I didn't get, asked why not another page (before the truth came out) about equal marriage, to save 160 million bucks on another time wasting exercise, why not a few questions about how many pets in the home, how many of your kids are on the computer at this minute, obviously for the rich who can afford more than one, who can afford the electricity and the NBN, what did you have for tea obvious cat logic to weed out the obese, paleo nuts and the rich dining on Wagyu beef.  So now it's all out in the open except for the public beheading and rolling.(ooh look a shiney new Coliseum)  And don't sit at the back and snigger, Abbott or ring your mate Hockey boozing his way around Washington, because this stuff up started with the two of you. 

 Which reminds me, I can't wait for Hockey's book on 'Doing Washington on $5 a day' because he is such a great money handler.  So sorry, Mal and Barnaby head of the Australian Buggeredup Statistics, you have done it again, scaled the heights of political logic when you should have gathered a flea bitten mob of alley cats and listened to their logic instead of the lounge lizards in the Parliament booze circle.  




Wednesday, August 03, 2016

Three days older and deeper in debt.




I can heartily recommend Sara Lee's Chocolate Ganache cheese cake for a birthday unless you're surrounded by friends who also like it.  Divine but I don't know about the salted Caramel one, it could be a bit rich.  Mother enjoyed it, thought it was her birthday.

The wedding magazines are in the bin, the carport and the lounge but I have a bookcase.  Now I just have to turn it that 180 degrees and fill it boxes of jewellery making stuff.  And open the door to the wardrobe and find out what's hiding in there that I couldn't get to before.

It has taken me five days to drag the recycle bin to the nature strip and it's only a third full of magazines.  I'll kill anyone I find bin dumping because I'm still not sure the truck will be able to lift it.  I couldn't even wheel it, I had to drag it bit by bit but the truck is stronger than I am.  I figure if it takes this load, I could get away with half full or more.  The trick is to leave it near the front gate and load it there.  And one bit of luck, I did it in the 5 minutes of sunshine we had today, cancelling that luck was getting to the Home in pouring rain.

Computer went on strike again.  This time I didn't get a patient person, they put me through to Microsoft where I did the merry-go-round with pressing numbers until they hung up on me.  So I rang the the daily service and bounced the technical difficulties.  This poor girl tried everything but because I couldn't even bring up the broadband connect/tool/ text thing,(dashboard, I knew it would come to me) she couldn't get remote control.  So we wandered through various parts of this and that which I'd never seen before, poking buttons, deleting, putting back until we finally got the dashboard on the screen.  She didn't know what she did, neither did I but we cheered and then took a leap of faith and turned it off and turned it on, thanks to the computer spirit who finally took pity on us.  I am supposed to send an sms to say how helpful Maria was but I don't know how to do that.

On the other hand I have made my first mobile phone call.  And I have put in 5 numbers to call.  And I changed my ringtone.  Actually the ringtones were so sweet that I wasted half an hour just playing with them.  I also had another Microsoft scam call on the landline and to top it off and bank scam call.  I've also taken notice of River's warning about mail scams.  I was waiting for the letter with my Census number but they sent me the whole form and a pre-paid envelope to send back.  Now I just have to decide whether this time, I'm Jedi, Druid or Pureblood.

And for the few who believe in such things, I had a birthday gift from my dead son.  Two beautiful mounds of violets flowering under the apple tree.  I've never seen them before, never planted them and they have never flowered there in all the years the tree has grown.  Violets were our symbol and he loved the wild bush violets but I could never get them to grow.  Twenty-one years he's been gone and it only seems like yesterday.   Ex daughter in law also says she gets visions of him whenever she sees a blue wren, her prophetic gifts obviously aren't in tune with the 80 tonne blue wren I'm trying to conjure up to hit her right in the arse.  That brightened me up, I think I'll go have pudding.

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Happy Crapday.

 I really wanted this.
 I'd have been satisfied with this.
 I'd have gone crazy if this had arrived at the door.
All I got was a jumper from the Ice Bear knitted under the influence of that LSD tab he found under the couch.
Happy Crappy Day to me.