I should be in bed and sound asleep. I shouldn't be sitting in front of a screen. I've tried to sleep but my mind won't slow down.
It's been a long day. It will be a long week. It appears that my mother has breast cancer but we won't know for sure what stage until the core biopsy on Friday. She couldn't see the ultrasound but I could and the tumour is quite large.
The lovely girl taking the X-rays asked her how long had she known something was wrong. "Oh probably last July." The girl adds five months to that. I knew last Friday. Why didn't she say something? She hoped it would go away if she didn't think about it.
Now she has to think about it.
My sister and I have already discussed plans for looking after her. We're realistic about the things we have to do. It sounds as though we're being premature but having gone through life and death situations with mum before, we've found that going through worst case scenarios and being prepared is easier.
Mum's okay, she's not even thinking about Friday. She has a craft market to go to on Sunday. So while she had an exhausted sleep after the hospital, I finished off the ribbon roses she wanted.
As long as she can pick up a needle, she'll keep fighting and I'll keep making roses.