Thursday, November 30, 2006

ANNUAL DROOL FEST



Well you can't say I don't run an equal pervetunity blog. The model is Karolina Kurkova and she's modelling the year's Hearts On Fire Diamond fantasy bra. The bra is in the balconet style, weighs 800 carats and has more than 2000 perfectly cut diamonds. The centrepiece is a 10 carat Hearts On Fire diamond brooch. The whole thing is an absolute steal at $10 million. It took over 20,000 hours to cut and polish the diamonds and the bra took more than 300 man hours (man hours?) to fabricate. It's more expensive than the $6.5 million diamond dress created for the 2002 Oscars. I'm trying to figure how much it would cost to make it for me considering her bra size and mine. There could be a slight problem with keeping upright, the weight and gravity could have me hovering 2 inches above the footpath. No problem in the old days, whalebone corsets would let a woman load up with at least 2 kilos of bling. I miss the old days.

This was in my letter box when I got home, it's in the Christmas Catalogue for Trewarne's Posh Jewellery Which I Will Never Afford unless I get the ozlootto jackpot next Tuesday night. They send me the catalogue because I get my rings valued there for the insurance and they probably think I have money. I would have money if someone steals the rings, I leave the doors and windows open and lay a trail of breadcrumbs but all I get are possums stealing apples. The catalogue is glossy, the model is classy and skinny and doesn't need the baubles to look a million dollars. Her nails are short though, diamonds look lousy with short nails. Thank goodness I found something to pick on.

Nothing jumped out of the pages and grabbed me by the wallet. Just the ordinary routine diamond bits and bobs albeit big expensive bits and bobs. I have a ring that I drool over. I actually moved a naked bloke off the fridge door to put up it's photo. Stephano Cantauri designed it, that's the jeweller that made the necklace for Nicole Kidman to wear in 'Moulin Rouge'. This ring is so delicious that I wouldn't care if it was glass or diamonds. If I had the chance to get it on my finger (ozlootto - come to witchy) I would have it made up with every colour of Australian sapphires.

I'm going to ignore the two requests for bill payment that came in the same mail. I'm off to cruise the three jewellery websites at the back of the catalogue.

20 comments:

R H said...

$10 million?

No tits are worth that much

JahTeh said...

Rh, you wound me, mine are. I'm slightly lopsided, 5.5 right, 4.5 left.

phil said...

Her nails are very short, they seem to stop just above her wrists.

JahTeh said...

Phil, consider yourself lucky I gave you a glimpse of navel.

I get less whinging when I put blokes up here. I'm starting to worry about you lot.

I suppose the next will be Andrew complaining about not having a jewelled jockstrap.

Brownie said...

' ...but square-cut, or pear shape, those rocks won't lose the-e-i-i-r shape!'

Rh - don't be so negative.
Breasts make the world go round.

Nobody is making diamond studded Y-fronts now are they?

JahTeh said...

Brownie do you know how funny that comment is without the middle sentence?
Of course a certain kind of mindset is needed to really appreciate it. Where is the GG when you need him?

Kurt Reply said...

God, JT, I love your sense of humor.

janet said...

Yes, I love it too. Wry and witty: you are an amazing lady, JahTeh.

JahTeh said...

KR and Janet, if you're ever lucky enough to reach Melbourne and get the brownie, the witch and His Excellency in the one room, watch out, sides will split. We make a lot of noise and mirth.

Ron said...

I wonder what her brother looks like?

JahTeh said...

No nekkid boys in your fragile condition Ron and don't breath germs on the blog.

Gerry said...

Your boy pictures are bare chaested, why do you cover the girls up?

Anyway, looks like silicon to me...

R H said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
R H said...

Am I up late, or is it early?

I've no idea. But it doesn't matter. Darlings, take a tip from Uncle RH, don't be an old doll with progressive ideas. Leave that to young folks, unless you want to look silly. But if you really want to look silly, dress up like them as well. Because nothing changes, ever. We all know that. There'll always be the lower orders: pupils for the latte set, who one hundred years ago handed out cucumber sandwiches, to the poor. And handed out religion too, but nothing's changed, except it's a modified scripture now, all about themselves and how wonderful they are. Superior!- oh my goodness!- they have been to Paris, and to Holy New York! Shit. And can't shut up talking about it, saying, Hey! Where's our cobbled streets, where's our pissing Brussels Boy and Nelson on a pole! Bah, you lot, sooooooo provincial!

Darlings, take no notice of these latte modernes. They ain't here for long. Shaven-headed balding men and ideological ladies, look absurd in their forties.

-Robert.

R H said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
JahTeh said...

Rh, you're on Santa's naughty list and you actually make sense when you've been disemvowelled. Be nice to Ms H, she's no Wally.

Do you know how hard it is to find a natural boob photo and I am looking for you Bear but I keep getting sidetracked into man country.

R H said...

WARNING: SINCERITY AHEAD.

Darlings, I have really been wondering whether to continue my career as a blog reply person, because I have my private scribblings to do anyway. But then, having discovered this morning a dear little note from some stranger, I'm reminded that there are poor souls who actually get a kick from the stupidity of RH, just as there were regulars who came to view it when I was a stallholder at Sunday markets -quiet folk, who came for a chat, and ended buying some little thing useless to them.
Well I promise you, these are all I really care about, and are why I do it.
And they are why it will go on: The passion the sorrow, the outrage the stupidity; the vulgarity and the poetry; the scorcery of RH.

JahTeh said...

Rh, the one thing you are not is stupid, absurd at times but I love absurdity of the Rh kind.

Zoe said...

Just a couple of things!
Classy,jahteh?
Looks to me like a simone perele push up bra,(cus she has no tits) cologen lips,surgeon chiseled nose and very unattractive/squinty eyes!

ewww...I'd take brains over that look any day!

JahTeh said...

Zoe, you left out the airbrushing and the quinty eyes would be from holding up that bra. It couldn't be comfortable in the least.