Thursday, February 01, 2007

ELEPHANT IN THE FAMILY

I'm trying to ignore the elephant in the family. NOT my weight although I'm ignoring that as well and that stupid biggest loser is starting again. Hate it with a passion I usually reserve for pavlova with cream and crushed raspberries. Now the elephant which is my Mother and who I have been trying not to post anything about. The elephant which is driving me crazy (which or who? which one, Dodgy?)

She shut the cat between the screen door and the front door. The cat's fat, the space isn't. The Brick Outhouse was not amused when he got home. The cat didn't leave his side all night. In fact she slept on his socks so the only thing that was injured was her sense of smell.

She rang me this morning to ask if she could put her shoes in the dishwasher to clean them. I have become an accomplished mindreader in the last year and told her she couldn't put them in the washing machine either. Can't keep a good elephant down, she washed them in the sink and hung them out to dry on the balustrade. If you ever get the chance to buy shares in Homeped Shoes, grab it. A tank could roll on those shoes, let alone my Mother. Along with cockroaches and John Howard, add Homeypeds to the nuclear war survivors.

She was surprised to find out today was February 1. Her calendar is defective, it hasn't finished January yet.

She's lost her TV guide again so she's going to ring me at 6 every night until she gets a new one on Sunday.

She is not deaf so there's no need to raise my voice to screaming pitch every time she rings.

7 comments:

Andrew said...

Writing about your mother is probably good therapy. Keep going.

Gerry said...

"Which", I think...

Your writings are very funny, witty, informative, etc.

And I agree with Andrew, good therapy.

Now for REAL funny, get your sister to read your blog to your mum....

Anonymous said...

"put her shoes in the dishwasher to clean them"

Not as silly as it sounds: I have two friends who swear by it for cleaning jogger-style shoes and baseball caps (top rack, of course).

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I wonder that she's not taking the piss JahTeh.

There does seem to be something particularly tacky about washing one's shoes in the dishwasher. But jamming the cat between doors, that's quite some feat, especially as she probably had to close the door quite frimly to squeeze puss in or out as the case may be.

Link

JahTeh said...

Today was charming, walk over in 30 degree heat to wash her hair but she'd rather have a shower tonight instead. Stop her taking a double dose of paracetamol (stupid me) and I'm accused of spying on her. Now this could be taking the piss or it's the first sign of paranoia which we've been told to watch for when cancer cells hit the brain.

And let me tell you all, good therapy is booze and since I'm a one pot screamer, the therapy is cheap.

Meredith said...

Jahteh, I came across you via LP. What an excellent blog. Well, I know of a **person** who locked himself in the half-metre between his own front door and security door so your dear old mum isn't doing too badly. And, have you ever heard of cooking food in the dishwasher? See here for details.

http://www.salon.com/nov96/salmon961118.html

JahTeh said...

Snap Meredith, I've just been to your blog via Brownie. That little cupboard didn't look too bad except for the colour but you can paint laminex without a problem.