Wednesday, September 12, 2007


After reading this article in New Scientist I'd have to say any intelligent design involved in humans was done by a alien mutant with an insane sense of humour who is now sitting in the middle of a galaxy far, far away and laughing his two of his three heads off.

Birds have better lungs. Our DNA makes mistakes all the time. Or genes don't last the distance. Our eyes are wired back to front so if we wanted great eyesight we'd have had to have been born a hawk.

The female Pelvis: Walking upright has made giving birth more dangerous for women than for any other primate.

Linear Chromosomes: The ends of linear chromosomes erode as cells divide, something that cannot happen with circular chromosomes.

External Testicles: In harm's way. I don't know about this. What's wrong with them being just a boot kick away from agony?

Vagina and Urethra near anus: Leaves women prone to genital and urinary infections. Going with the pelvis, I'd say the IDer was prone to misogyny.

Wisdom Teeth: Many of us have jaws that are too small for these third molars.

Mutant GLO gene: Like most primates, humans cannot make vitamin C, rendering us vulnerable to scurvy unless we get plenty in our diet.

The Appendix: No known function but if it gets infected it can kill you. Mine tried to kill me.

Windpipe next to the Gullet: Means choking is not uncommon. Even I have trouble swallowing, talking and breathing at the same time although I've tried.

Ulnar Nerve: Runs behind the elbow, where it is unprotected (think funny bone), instead of in front of it. There's nothing funny about getting whacked in the funny bone with a tree branch. I can testify to this.

Vulnerable Brain Cells: A few minutes of oxygen deprivation causes permanent brain damage in humans, yet an epaulette shark can survive for over an hour without oxygen. I reckon even the shark would have trouble surviving question time in Parliament.

Parasitic DNA: Our genome is littered with "jumping genes" that can cause genetic diseases.

Odontoid Process: This extension of the last neck vertebra can easily fracture and damage the brainstem.

Feet: After coming down from the trees, we ended up walking on the "wrists" of our lower limbs, leadin to all sorts of structural weaknesses. This one did tickle the funny bone.

The Y Chromosome: It is gathering mutations because it can't swap DNA with the X chromosome. In other words, men are on the way out and THE WOMEN WILL RULE, ahem.

Vulnerable Hearts: A little heart damage triggers a disastrous cascade of events that causes further damage. Like Dr. Who, we should have had a back-up pump.

And my all time favourite besides the kickable testicles,

Hairy Bottoms: Who needs them.

See what I mean about an insane sense of humour.

Any intelligent designer would have designed us with a self-destruct button if we even had one small thought of war or killing our own kind.


mindlessmunkey said...

What about the coccyx? It definitely takes an Intelligent Designer with a sense of humour to hide a miniature tail inside a human.

R.H. said...

Purple-Haired Big Feminist Heifer Janet Rice of Footscray Council who looks about sixty but won't give her age is contesting the Bracks ("Bracksy") seat in Williamstown hoping to follow Mildenhall who shaved his mo to become a state parliament stooge and Kosky who left hers on. This old moo-cow Rice who thought it okay for some ball-less bootlicking brassiere-wearing bearded dork to exhibit a mutilated Australian flag as 'art' hopes to park her disused fanny in bludgers castle for the next twenty years giving out the occasional shriek. Meanwhile to emulate working class feminist hero Piggy Kirner who brought in poker machines to fleece the battlers our wide-arsed ladies and mincing cafe owners on Footscray council sent out all their parking attendants on Monday to ambush second-hand clothes buyers at Savers half-price sale. At the same time the lying pretentious hypocrite latte set in Yarraville with their brand new wine bars and cafes want trucks stopped from roaring past the front of their houses which they bought cheap because trucks roar past the front. Golly. Well fact is there just aren't enough of these nicely raised candle-lit parasites living over here yet to get their poseur pals elected. We know St kilda council is full of them of course with the working classes exiled but it's a bloody pox to find them crawling about here in Footscray.
Get back to the eastern suburbs you lying thieving carrot cake vuitons hygiene isn't wanted here.

Your arseholes are too close to your vocal chords, that's the trouble.

Design isn't always intelligent.

Mistakes get made.

JahTeh said...

Now that is useless MM unless your reflexes are so good you can turn and deflect the boot to the testicles onto the coccyx. You're very agile, I'm sure you could do it.

Rh, if only you could set that to music.
I used to enjoy the pokies when they first came in, comfy seats, chitchat to mates and $20 would last all afternoon with free coffee. That was when you had to have change and the machines had only nine lines to play. It was when 25 lines and putting in notes arrived that the fun went out.
I don't like lattes, poncy.

phil said...

JT, a moderately long post in which to half-camouflage the bit about women taking over.

However, my hawk-eyes spied it readily enough, nice try, fortunately at this distance me goolies are out of range.


R.H. said...

Set it to music.

Miss Jahteh I love your humour.

Well I'd give it a go on the mouth organ, Miss Pavlov can shout the lyics.

JahTeh said...

Oh dear, poor Phil. We'll keep some of the pretty ones for breeding but the smart arses will be culled.

Jane said...

I know this is a super-old post, but it made me laugh. These are some damn good points!

External testicles reminds me of one of Eve Langlais's novels. She used that in a really funny way in one of her sci-fi romance stories. She had an alien species that was dominated by female warriors, and they were dominant over the males in their species because whenever they fought them in combat, they'd just kick the men straight in the balls and easily incapacitate them.
She then had a sub-species that evolved where the males had internal testicles, which meant the women lost their main power, and started to get worried about the men taking over. I always thought that was great. Such a cool mixture of sci-fi and evolution!