Tuesday, November 27, 2007

BEAUTY TIP NO. 367. WRINKLES AND HOW TO HIDE THEM.

First marry a Prince even if he does talk to flowers and has ears like draft doors.

Con your Mother-in-law into letting you wear his Gran's Tiara.

Throw 5 rows of diamonds worth several million pounds around your scraggy neck.

No-one will be looking at wrinkles or be able to see them through the glare of that serious bling.

Book a physio for the next morning for the neck adjustment.

17 comments:

Brian Hughes said...

"No-one will be looking at wrinkles"

Some of us will, unfortunately...and having to seek psychiatric treatment for the trauma afterwards. The glare of the bling just isn't enough to disguise that leathery old satchel of a neck, I'm afraid, the pits and crevasses having been scoured across that ancient countenance through the decades of sucking blood from the tax payers' throats. Four thousand diamonds and a ton of collagen wouldn't soften that harridan-esque horse's fanny of a face. No wonder Chuck wanted to be her tampon. It'd be a better bet than going anywhere near that hideous valve of a mouth.

JahTeh said...

The first time I heard her speak I thought she did have a mouth full of Chuckie. With her in full flight they wouldn't need a hunting horn for the beagles. She's having a real good time going through the jewell vaults as I haven't seen this piece before. I wonder if it was one of Queen Mary's pilfered knickknacks?

Mikhela said...

I like Camilla and the whole true love finally united story.

However, she has clearly never heard the adage 'Before you leave the house, take a last look in the mirror and take one piece of jewelry off'

Mindy said...

I think she's fabulous. Bring on Queen Camilla I say.

Ann O'Dyne said...

We know that photo is very recent because she is wearing the new Order thingy, so, re the visible wrinkles: they were not visible on photos published before and above captions suggesting 'work' had been done.
conclusion: the press alters stuff to suit the moment.

The 5-strander: If you haven't got it indexed then it must have a story. I have read that Chuck purchases every bit of jewellery coming onto 'the market', that his GGF bought for her GGM, so maybe it is one of those


Mindy: The one mistake Camilla made was not doing a Kate Middleton, ie 'keeping herself nice and waiting' way back in 1972.
While bat-ears was out on his ship, She fell (during one of the moments he wasn't servicing HRH Anne)for the handsome rake A.P-B.

If she had waited, and overcome Mountbatten's campaign on behalf of Amanda Knatchbull, then Chuck and Milla would have indeed been beloved by monarchists and probably had 6 kids.

Moral?: it pays to always study The Bigger Picture as 'delayal of gratification is the measure of maturity'.

Andrew said...

That is the worst I have ever seen her look. Stupid to expose cleavage. Stupid to put on such a ridiculous amount of jewellery. Mascara wrong. Lipstick below the lip does not bigger lips make. Silly old woman.

R.H. said...

Miz Gillard would look nice with a Kmart bucket on her head.

Ampersand Duck said...

I was going to say this in the last post but this'll do:

Don't ever stop blogging. You are gold.

JahTeh said...

Mikhela, she's no doormat either, if she doesn't want to go to the polo, she doesn't. According to insiders, the first time she said no, he near collapsed with shock.

Mindy, latest goss is that he's miffed because she comes after Princess Anne in the Royal list but she insists on staying Duchess of Cornwall not Princess of Wales but she's above the Countess of Wessex who she doesn't care for.

Andrew, as Annie says, the wrinkles appear to come and go. All the photos of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor right up to the 60s are re-touched but one photographer didn't like them so he published the 'real' ones. Not so good and of course, he never 'worked in that town again'.

Annie, it's not one of Edward the Rake's goodies to Alice. It's Art Deco design, could be a gift to the crown after David pissed off with Wallis.

Rh, She handled herself brilliantly on Saturday night. Her brain never missed a beat.

Duckie, you and Zoe have posed a hard choice between Julia and Maxine13. I love the T-shirt.

Brian Hughes said...

"...she's no doormat either."

No...she's the old boot who treats everybody else as one.

I personally could not care less if she looked like Rolf Harris with a broom handle up his arse (in fact, that'd be an improvement), she's still a despicable old leech.

R.H. said...

Yes and what a fucking horror, what a fright: little dancing Pinocchio. And you'll never get rid of it, she's got a 15 per cent margin. And a stupid new hairdo every few days.

R.H. said...

I like Camilla, and Charlie too, but most of all the Duke, who told the whole of India to get fucked.

Maria said...

I just read a lovely send up, Sue Townsend's "Queen Camilla". Not as fun as her "Adrian Mole" series (not quite as well planned and a bit too neat, etc) but still some good laughs if you like a poke at the Royal Family. Premise is that the Royal Family has been banished by the PM, there's a sort of dystopic over-regulated world, and you've got some lovely scenes with Charles and Camilla having domestics about things they bought in op-shops and the housework.

A few things thrown in, like the possibility of the Family being brought back from exile and the Queen abdicating, so Chucky might have to take the throne, and a bastard son of Camilla, older than William turning up.

You get to like Camilla a bit here, even if she's a bit weird and a chain-smoking troublemaker, At least she's not as pretentious as Chucky is and shoves him around a bit, though she mightn't have the looks.

JahTeh said...

Now there's a daily double of pain, Camilla and Rolf. How do you sleep at night with those sorts of images rattling round in your skull?

Rh, this is Julia you're referring to and not Her Royal Leather Face?
She's got red hair so she must be good.

Thank you Maria, I've seen that book but hadn't found anyone who'd read it. Annie O'Dyne and I will share a copy for Christmas.

Brian Hughes said...

Sleep? What's that?

Middle Child said...

God thats an awful look...its like she's got all the jewels on at once to say 'lookit me' what was she thinking of?

I just still can't handle it when I see Diana's sons anywhere near her and Charles...can't help myself... just makes me sick, the o

JahTeh said...

Two, at the most three would have been enough. Queen Mary was a dab hand at re-modelling the royal gems and I can see her with a tiara made from this lot.