Monday, November 12, 2007

KARMA KICKS KHYBER

So much for not posting. I've been home 20 minutes and already have blog withdrawal.
It's slow typing with one hand, the other sort of in a sling thing.
I don't know what they do in that house with toilet paper and laundry liquid so I had to whiz up to the local supermarket which is just up the road.
Toilet rolls on special and Sorbent the brand they prefer, Dynamo, short cut Ma and get milk before she tells me she's out of it, the milk that is.
Decide not to buy Vodka because I'm already zonked and stagger towards the door where I catch my foot in the mat and "We have lift-off, Houston Control".
The only thing that saved me from hitting a parked car 15 feet away is the plastic fly curtains which wrap themselves around my neck and break my fall and nearly my neck.
My shoulder smashes into the door frame, hand is wrenched around by the heavy shopping bag and I've twisted my spine.
All this so I wouldn't fall on my tin knees because falling on concrete really really hurts.
Thank you to the sodding owner who checked that his fridge door wasn't broken before he checked me.
Cooked the old duck's dinner while sticking my head in the freezer and having a snivel. Bad move, because I didn't look at my face before going home and I've forgotten how far mascara can run during a snivelling session.
To top everything off, taxi driver lies to the control centre and says I've already left. Lying bastard. Another 10 minutes of sitting on the front fence before another cab shows up.
Now I have to go back on Wednesday for the pathology nurse to take blood from mother in case she doesn't hear the door bell and I couldn't go through another hour of trying to get a home visit from them for a blood test.
Then I get to go shopping for her on Thursday.
Friday, I may open a vein.

Update: While I was out doing good things, bitch next door cut half my tree down, in my property not just the bit overhanging her place. The tree wasn't dead, the ivy in it was but the stupid fecking troll couldn't just shake the dried leaves off, she had to cut the branches.

13 comments:

Brian Hughes said...

Don't open a vein. Open an account at Honest Hughes' bookmakers. Fantastic Christmas Odds of nothing to one against on absolutely everything. You won't win a penny but you'll get the thorough satisfaction of not wasting your time being optimistic.

Andrew said...

Gawd, I reckon you deserve vodka.

phil said...

Good god, can't you get enough excitement into your life?

I hope you can make G&T's one-handed.

Keep the faith :-)

Davo said...

Females .. always make a Drama out of the simplest of things .. heh ..

(can't live with them, can't live without .. somebody should write a script about that, one day .. oh, already been done .. drat ..)

Lord Sedgwick said...

the stupid fecking troll neighbour

Take a contract out on her. The contract rate has lowered considerably lately on account of the influx of high rank (yes - rank is the word) coppers flooding the market and undercutting the usual bikie gang suspects.

Ozfemme said...

Oh. My.
Owww.
Feel better soon.
Consult an astrologer before putting a foot outside your door, okay?

For the love of ..... somebody send that woman some vodka. Stat.

JahTeh said...

Optimistic is not in my vocabulary and hasn't been for some time. I'll be loading up with fattening goodies for a post Christmas binge.

No vodka, no G&T, just painkillers with lots of codeine, call me Britney. I even looked like her with black eyes.

Davo, what's the use of pain if you can't make a drama out of it? Everything seems to still be in its right place with the knees pointing in the right direction.

No need for a contract, M'Lord, God already did the deed by making her look like something the cat wouldn't drag in.

Oz, I'm top heavy, the verandah makes it hard to see the feet at times and rubber mats or gum nuts, the last thing I stood on that had me flat (practically flat) on the foot path.

outofctrl said...

Oh dear...that sounds terrible.

Take care of yourself and get well soon. ou

Middle Child said...

Why am I laughing? Not at you dear but with you... my best friend who broke both her legs four years back, fell on her mother in law's grave, just after being at Melissa's wedding and ambo to hospital, she heard the nurses all a laughing about her accident through the Morphine haze.

You must get waterproof mascara okay and please please keep well away from razors and bridges.

You will get throuh this time I promise you and t'will seem like a ghastly bad dream in a decade or two.

Maja said...

You poor darling.

R.H. said...

Maja is that your photo and have you got a boyfriend.

Robert.

River said...

"Friday I may open a vein"
Would that be one of "the old bat's" veins?

JahTeh said...

OoC, I know your mother is far away, would you like to borrow mine?

MC, I have a habit of spitting on my F-in-law's grave because I couldn't do it when he was alive and my sister often gives him a kick on her way up the hill to my father's grave.

Maya, encourage Rh, at your peril. He is a dreadful womanizer.

River, I didn't think she'd have much left but the pathologist said she had a lovely strong vein as she filled three vials of the red stuff.