Monday, December 17, 2007


Some little children are like the two I met this morning. Very sweet and polite. The four year old told his sister to make way for the lady with the baby in her tummy. Cute thing thinking I was young enough to get pregnant and we all know I'm big but did he have to move his sister to the middle of the road to make room for me. Diet again, resist Christmas chocolates.

Speaking of Christmas. I have only one thing on my list but it's big.
I want a self cleaning bathroom.
They can do it with ovens why can't they do it with bathrooms.
I still have sore fingers from last week so now add a sore elbow from where I fell in the bath trying to clean the other side.

My observations on bathrooms are as follows:
You cannot clean in between sliding doors. You have to wait until the mould comes out.
Baths are totally unnecessary for people with dodgy knees who can't use them, the bath that is.
Powder is invisible on white tiles so it's not worthwhile sweeping it up until it's at least thick enough to slide on which is dangerous to those of us with dodgy knees.
Silverfish treat this room like a Club Med until they hit the powder. Powder clogs their antennae and they run in circles and die.
Showers should consist of an upright slab of glass and a flat floor.

The only reason I've cleaned everything up is that I'm expecting a visit from an expensive bottle of perfume for Christmas.

And why am I doing this at 12.26 in the morning, because I downloaded IE updates and got landed with IE7 which I officially hate. It's taken 5 hours and all I wanted were XP updates. I'm now going to take great pleasure in uninstalling the whole kit and caboodle. And for the technically competent, I know firefox is much better but I can't work out how to use that and optusnet and all the other rubbish that goes on inside this machine. I can hide links now, what more do you want.


Brian Hughes said...


Pity the bones get stuck in the teeth. If you'd had to put up with all the opportunist, hoodied little gits we've had round here recently, waking me up in the middle of the afternoon by hammering on the door and then singing the first two lines of a Christmas carol that they obviously they couldn't be bothered learning a complete verse for, then demanding money for Christmas booze, you might reconsider that statement.

One hour on Gas Mark 7 and they crisp up a treat.

Ampersand Duck said...

Very polite, not like my little tucker, when he was 4 we were sitting outside the cafe up the road from the children's hospital, and he saw a very large woman getting out of a car next to us.

MUMMY LOOK HOW FAT THAT WOMAN IS! he screeched at the top of his voice.

She looked at him, startled, then looked at me.

'Come on darling, let's get you back to the cancer ward' I quipped. Her face melted and we all parted ways feeling respectively awful.

River said...

I wish bathrooms were still big enough to have a free standing tub like in the old days. Then you could get all the way around it for cleaning and not strain your (my) neck and shoulder reaching across to the other side. Also showers should be (and can be, I've seen them in magazines) a glass wall and not quite flat floor. They also should have much bigger drains. That silly little sink size drain? pffftt!! Run a full drain and cover grid right around the perimeter. Water would drain soooo much faster. I sense a career move........think I'll go and design showers for the rich and obscenely wealthy.......

River said...

Yes, little children are delicious. The conversations I have with some of them at the checkout keep me smiling all day.

Morgana said...

I still remember the time I asked an un-pregnant woman when she was expecting(A Friend)......not a nice moment and today while I tried on swimmers in front of an assistant 5 times my size......I realised something very important when she said "It looks lovely on a lady with such a lovely figure!"
I learn't humility and respect by not saying " well actually I must lose a few Kilos" and we ended up chatting for an hour and exchanged phone numbers.
As for the PC stuff...I can't help, shit I couldn't even read a DVD cover today to know the difference between a PC and PS2! Hope you sort it out tho my dearest.

JahTeh said...

River, you are a genius. I'm putting that in my wish book and you are right about stupid little plugholes. I'm always hauling my long hair out of them.

I hope you let them have the booze first, Fleetwood, then you won't have to baste the carcasses. You just reminded me it's coming up to Carols by Candlelight, I must start praying for rain.

Duckie that was brilliant. Would you believe I'm using that line on phone pests who ring Mum and they're so apologetic and sympathetic I'm starting to feel sorry for them.

Morgana, PS2? Ha, psychic stage two, right? Are you going to post photos of the swimmers?

Middle Child said...

At least the little boyo had the wisedom to gove you a wide might have been a crazy lady as well as was he to know...or maybe he does this all the time and he's actually a little satan in disguise...

hate cleaning bathrooms...thanks about the silverfish tip

JahTeh said...

Therese, they were such sweet kids and so polite, probably were spawns of satan.

I can't use Talc so use Johnson's Cornstarch powder which goes everywhere but I've got a cheap talc to sprinkle on the little silver mongrels. I feel such a murderer.