Tuesday, March 11, 2008

OLD WIVES TALES

While I was looking for myths and legends about ducks I came across some whacko old wives tales. Not much on ducks though, apparently the only bad thing a duck can do is lay a dun coloured egg and then you have to kill it. Plenty of politicians laying dun coloured eggs at the moment, can we kill them......please?

*A mole on a woman's thigh.
This means she's unfaithful and a great spendthrift. Half right, I was never unfaithful but I was a fantastic spendthrift.

*It's unlucky to cut fingernails on a Friday or Sunday. Sorry, it didn't say why.

*If a woman cuts the nails of her right hand with her left hand she will have the upper hand in marriage.
Unless she can cut nails with her left foot the woman definitely wins on this deal.

*Never eat anything when a funeral bell is tolling or toothache will follow.
I'm sure that one is made up. I've lost half my teeth and I've never heard a funeral bell.

*There is said to be a connection between the size of a person's nose and their sexual organs.
Good grief, no wonder I'm unlucky, I've been looking in the wrong place for years and asking complete strangers to remove their shoes before bed.

*If a girl's bra or pants should suddenly slip down, this is a sign that someone who loves her is thinking of her.
Okay, not faulty elastic or the underwires popping out.

*If two or more holes should appear in any of these items then tradition says the owner can expect a gift very shortly.
Considering the state of my blessed knickers I should have a truckload arriving any day now.

*Cats are looked upon as an infallible weather forecaster: If one sneezes then rain is on the way. A cat sitting with its back to the fire indicates a storm. A cat sharpening its claws on a table leg is a sign of a change in the weather, usually for the better.
Not in this house, any claws on wood was likely to be followed by a size 10 boot out the back door in any weather.

*A white horse could warn of danger, and lived longer than a dark horse, so was considered a living amulet against early death.
Caroline, may I borrow Luke for a month or two.

*The wren was for many years hunted and killed, partly out of hatred (because it was regarded as a sacred bird by the Druids and consequently denounced by the early Christians) and partly because it was believed the bird's feathers would prevent anyone from drowning. It is now very unlucky for a sailor to kill one.
For any sailors out there, I have two wren feathers in my collection, highest bidders gets them.

14 comments:

Brian Hughes said...

"While I was looking for myths and legends about ducks..."

Seriously Witchy, I'm starting to think that you need to get out of the house more...

Caroline said...

Ee's quick that bloke above, inn he?

Luke's early death or mine?

Careful what you wish for JahTeh, you're the first person to want to 'borrow' him.

JahTeh said...

It's better than looking for myths and legends about mad mothers.
How's the weather, can you leave the house yet?

Luke's an omen for long life and he's proof. He's 25 now, and that's a goodly age for a horse. Now if we could just get him to tap out the Tattslotto numbers with his hoof.

phil said...

If a girl's bra should fall down, then it's because she hasn't got any tits.

Old wives need to think of the obvious alternatives I reckon.

JahTeh said...

And a word from Cynical Phil. Have you no romance in your soul? Why don't you try it on Mrs VVB and report back any success.

Brian Hughes said...

Witchy,

We have our own eco-climate round Morecambe Bay. It's been bright sunshine and breezes for the last week. Of course, that might change yet, so I'd better not tempt fate. (Touch wood, bite head off wren etc.)

Ampersand Duck said...

We swear by our cats being rain detectors. Not by sneezing (goodness, the drought would be over!) but by washing behind their ears when rain is near. Works every time...

I wish someone would bring me gifts when my knickers are holey. Gifts of more knickers would be useful.

JahTeh said...

Fleetwood, how can you have missed all those storms, raging winds, wild seas? I'm reporting you to the RSPCA for wren abuse.

I wear Cottontails, Duckie and when the holes to cloth ratio goes critical then I throw them out because by that stage I couldn't even clean the silver with them.

phil said...

I have been trying cynicism on Mrs VVB for quite a while now, it never loosened any articles of clothing.

Is that what you meant?

River said...

I love myths and legends. I once googled Old Wives Tales and printed out three pages worth of funnies to share with the girls at work. The boss couldn't understand why we were all suddenly more cheerful.

dysthymiac said...

alludes to a passage in the Bible, Revelation 6:8: "And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death,

I can't match any of the wit above, but thank you evahbodeeeeeeeeee

Jayne said...

An old ditty for you, Jahteh, with the real explanation of knickers falling down... ;)

She swept across the ballroom floor,
Her figure was fantastic!
Suddenly her knickers fell down -
You can't trust Coles elastic!

Middle Child said...

Tey don't call them "old wives' tales" for nothing...


the nuns had a bewdy when I was about 6-8...

"Never sit with your legs crossed... Mary won't look at you" duh! Old nun's tales might be more extreme...

JahTeh said...

*memo to self, google old wives tales about cars. Post for Phil.*

River, they're better than old men's tales that involve nothing better than size of fish, batting averages, footy goals or how many tinnies make a drunk.

Bwca, the white horse is a talisman against death although I would be a very pale rider atop Luke.

Jayne, we're showing our age, you for posting that and me for knowing it.

Therese, we all know the 'don't wear black patent leather shoes' one but that's a nun one I hadn't heard. I thought crossed legs was natural contraception.