Thursday, February 12, 2009

I HATE FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS

I never watch the show, it's cruel not funny. They show the event but they never show the yelling in pain after bit.

So I was lucky no-one had a camera phone in the book section of Big W this afternoon. Fat lady down agin.

Somebody had dropped a floor coloured drink on the floor and with pushing the trolley in front of me, it wasn't visible.

Picture me with the right foot firmly on the ground but the left foot went sliding backwards and I went down on the knee in an inelegant split that would have looked great with Jane Torvill doing it but not so great with me. Oh, the right leg was still upstanding.

There was a lot of yelling but no four letter words and my biggest worry was that people might think I'd peed myself since I was sitting in water. I got up the usual way, with an audience all ready to help but I always think of the hernias I could cause. Checked the knee cap, still there, spine okay, no shock (yet) but bruising starting already.

The young man took my name and address and very apologetically asked for my age. Don't worry lad, I'm grateful to get to this age and proud of it. After five minutes of sitting with an icepack, I grabbed my book and gingerly walked off.

I didn't shop but did pay all the bills in a sort of winding way down to the taxi. Straight to bed with another icepack and pain killers and now the other bits are starting to hurt. I used to be able to do the splits in my young days but it stretches a lot of things now that don't want to be stretched. The bruise will be a beaut tomorrow.

17 comments:

Miles McClagan said...

I hate that show too

Why do people not HELP their injured child instead of filming them? Freaks!

Andrew said...

Fingers crossed that someone had a video camera pointed in your direction. Pass the bruising off as a bit of rough.

River said...

I hate that show too. The kids getting hurt is bad enough, but it's on when I'm eating my dinner and I always manage to see kids with snot and or vomit. I try not to watch it, but hubby has the remote and loves the show. I usually read while I'm eating.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

Ow. And yes, about the Sadisticest Home Videos.

Jayne said...

Ouch! Hope the paracetamol is holding off the aches and pains for you.

Brian Hughes said...

"Straight to bed with another icepack..."

Ah...taking after Germaine Greer's groupies then.

JahTeh said...

Miles, I must admit I do sneak a look if it's anything to do with a wedding disaster especially involving the groom.

Andrew, it took a lot of yelling before anyone appeared and then I was doing the directing about what not to do and get an icepack and the best bit, how to get me and the trolley out of the aisle to let others through when there was no-one around.

River, reading and eating is an art. I used to prop a book up against the tap when I did the dishes and I miss reading a book in the bath.

Baron, I can see how they would be filming the kids but not dropping the camera when they're hurt, they should be arrested.

Jayne, a TENS unit on the knee and an icepack on the bum and panamax to hand, the hand that isn't aching.

Fleetwood, our Germs was quite the hot dish in her younger days.
I could have used some of your pommy snow yesterday. Such a little country, so much ice.

Lord Sedgwick said...

"Fleetwood, our Germs was quite the hot dish in her younger days.
I could have used some of your pommy snow yesterday. Such a little country, so much ice."


From my experience of Germs in the 60s she was not quite the 'hot dish' you contend.

Mounting her was an Everest like experience. Very oxygen depleting, very altitudinal and very icy - one might even say frigid.

So little Germs, so much ice.

Mind you I could be making all of this up - as the deacon said to the choir boy.

(Though I might be confusing her with that other feminist icon, Denise Drysdale, who appeared with me in that ratings breaking programme "Orstraya's Funniest Home Polaroids".)

antikva said...

As usual, I'm late with news. I hope you're feeling better today, I was going to ask if you'd like hubby to bring our TENS down if you needed it, but you already have one. He's down your way for the weekend.

I hate that show.

Helen said...

Oh bruised Witchy, I hope you feel better soon.

Ampersand Duck said...

You poor thing. You must have looked like that lady from Little Britain who keeps wetting herself.

Hopefully Big W will compensate you. If you have a grizzle at them they will move fast to do something, maybe pay your medical expenses.

R.H. said...

Happy Valentines, you big marvellous funny thing.

When you come here we'll fall over in Footscray Coles together.

JahTeh said...

MiLord, I can't believe you couldn't thaw out the lady and you were so cute and young and innocent. Just the sort she liked for breakfast.

Antikva, I couldn't possibly deprive the President of the Falling Down Club of her TENS unit. How are your bruises?

Helen, It was the stupid way I went down that hurt. I hit with the knee but the leg went underneath me and tin knees aren't meant for that kind of bendyness.

Duckie, I was hoping for a nice book voucher but they'd never do it in case it meant they were in the wrong.

Robbert, I'll never fall anywhere near you. I couldn't deprive the world of it's greatest unpublished poet.

Anonymous said...

So, what was the book? Was it good enough to take your mind off the pain?

JahTeh said...

Anonymous, I'd love to say it was something intellectual or uplifting but it was a Clive Cussler adventure, just right for invalid reading.

Middle Child said...

It loody hu these days doesn't it. I saw a woman just older than me fall in the street and split her chin and arm open...peopel tried to help her up but she just wanted to be let sit for quite some time...there is a shock element...you just need to be still and not have people yammering at you...I hope you are okay you poor old chooken...take care and if still sore or needing care and cost...you did slip on stuff and if its coles or Wollies...go for it...I wouldn't usually say this but they are bastards

Middle Child said...

My bloody typos...what I meant to type was "it bloody hurts these days"