Friday, July 17, 2009


It's very easy to lose confidence in going out at night by yourself. I haven't been out at night for a looooooooong time, probably 12 months and my one big day time trip was in January. For the most part my world is confined to a 3km circle.

So tonight, I was dressed, bejewelled and raring to go. No great place, just the local pub for dinner and maybe a play with the pokies. I even managed to get a taxi in record time.
Settled in with my feet up and was winning a few spins when the mobile went.

Wouldn't you know it, Mepacs. My mother has hit the emergency button and I'm wanted. I'm 20 minutes away so I tell them to ring the next two on the list. Sister's out, she's on late shift so the neighbour comes in. I've cashed in and hit the road to mother's, halfway there before I managed to get her home phone. The neighbour is so cheery, not to worry, it was only an accidental push on the button, she's fine.

I'm not. I'm homicidal. Dear mother, so surprised to see me at the door. Of course she didn't press the button, denies everything. But since I'm there, would I go and get the washing out of the dryer and fold it up.

Nephew got me out of the house before I tontined her. When I left she was on the phone to Aunt Patty telling her that I'd called her a vitriolic bloody old bitch. I got nephew out of the house before he told Aunt Patty the same thing.

Dear love, he was quite prepared to take me back to the pub and pick me up later but the mood had gone, all I wanted was home. So he bought me two enormous blocks of chocolate, rum and raisin, liqueur centres and told me to enjoy. It took half a block to stop shaking.


Jayne said...

Turn mobile off.

River said...

What Jayne said.
If nephew hadn't been there a tontining would have been justified in my opinion.

Kath Lockett said...

Oh, that's shiteously horrible. I love your term, 'tontining'!

JahTeh said...

Jayne, that's the point of the mobile to get me in an emergency but thankfully she doesn't have the number. She was in the bathroom and accidently pushed the button so with the door closed and no cordless phone with her, she couldn't hear the Mepacs calling.

River, last Monday I'm there running around to the usual orders and she says I'm in a nasty mood.
Well that would be because 14 years ago I was doing the same thing instead of being with my son in intensive care. She was ill and couldn't possibly be left alone, selfish old biddy. If he had died that day I would never have seen him alive to say goodbye. She doesn't even remember.

Kath, sorry about the cholesterol but I'm trying to eat enough chocolate for the two of us.
Jayne has quite a few candidates for 'tontining' and my list is growing. Damn these CSI programs that show you what to look for instead of accepting 'died in sleep'.

River said...

There are a couple of methods where cause of death is almost impossible to detect. The problem is any neighbours who might be witness to your coming and going, since time of death is easily enough determined.

River said...

Not suggesting, just saying.....

hazelblackberry said...

I hope 'tontining' enters the lexicon.

What a noice nephew. Don't tontine him.

JahTeh said...

River, you've forgotten the Bouvier Sisters keeping tabs on her.

HB, he's on the firing line more than we are since he sleeps there if you can call it sleeping, with one eye and one ear open.
Would you believe his other grandmother is even crazier than this one?