Tuesday, April 06, 2010


There was a full page article in The Age on Sunday which made me rattle the paper and mutter things like mad tarts, stupid bitches. A very bad thing to finger point and insult my fellow fatbums but If I can't do it, given my status as morbidly obese, then who can.

The article was about feedees and gainers who love nothing more than to gain weight, revel in it actually but do it in secret and go to websites where they can glory in their weight gain.
Every woman has the right to do exactly what she likes in regard to her figure, fat or thin.
But as a serial dieter/stress eater, I'm constantly struggling to do one and not the other, I felt uneasy about this. Now I don't care whether I go below 100kgs but I would like to get to 100kgs. I make my own clothes and I feel good wearing them. I'll never get rid of the funny fat legs and 'mary jane' shoes are my lot forever. I don't look in the mirror and admire my ever descending boobs and the only good thing about my gut is the fact that I'll never drown, the fat would float me upside.

So can I think that the woman who wants to be 1000 lbs and the fattest person in the world is a stupid bitch? She's already over 400 kgs and just loves it. Am I weird or is she?
I'm against discrimination of fat people for jobs, it doesn't have anything to do with their ability to work well, it's the perception of fat equals dumb of the employer.
It's also people like me who look and say stupid bitch but then I say that to the mirror as well.

I've never felt that I had control over my life or people who wanted me to change into their version of what type of person I should be. If I was told to slim down, I would immediately eat in a show of passive aggression which went on until I was divorced and miraculously lost 20 kgs in a few months. I was free to be myself but it didn't last and I was back on the treadmill of passive aggressive eating. For the last three years food and stress have been the main threads of my existance. If I didn't eat, I gambled. If I didn't gamble then I went on spending sprees. If I didn't spend, I ate. It's a good thing I didn't smoke or drink but then with all the other vices, I wouldn't have had the money.

So reading about women who love gaining weight for the feeling it gives them made me angry and you know I'm the most even tempered of females (I'll crush anyone who says different).
And after writing all that, I still don't know why I got so pissed off, maybe it's because they're thin enough to get fat. Damned if I know.


River said...

I heard about this woman on Sunday. We were all sitting around the kitchen bench eating when someone brought up the subject. I just can't understand someone purposely doing this to themselves. I know people do get fat, some because they have health problems, some because they overeat from emotional problems, what ever the reason it usually isn't intentional. I'm reminded of the Simpsons episode where Homer deliberately sets out to gain weight just so that he can work from home. How can this woman deliberately put her health, her life, at risk like this. She has a small child I believe, how is she going to care for this child when she can't even move?

R.H. said...

The streets are a freak show.

I used to think people needed props to impress outsiders, now I know it's to impress themselves. Women in Chapel street with green hair and tattoos feel wonderful, balding men shave their heads to root them. And that's all.

If you had less weight you'd feel better, you know that. Piling it on is suicide.

R.H. said...

Hello. Nothing doing.

I tried a little Brahms this evening, but he's a bit fussy, and the 'soft' pedal was playing up. So I poured myself a Midori, then moved to Rachmaninov, just for you.

You'll remember I stripped this piano, all the woodwork, to have it restored, but it's still in pieces, against the wall. And F# is sticking, but never mind, a squirt with WD40 fixed it. And my word, lucky the Murderess wasn't here, she'd have hit it with a hammer.
And now it's raining, good heavens, and the woman next door has pulled up all her roses.
I can't work out her hostility, really, it's more than Brahms, more than Haydn, more than the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

How true.


R.H. said...

"fellow fatbums". Striking, funny.

Enjoyed it enormously.

R.H. said...

I was falling asleep at seven o'clock and the phone rang. It was my biographical subject. He wants his $200,000 from the State Trustees and they won't give it to him. What cads. I'm instructed to institute proceedings: letter to the Ombudsman immediately, phone call to the Chief Psychiatrist first thing in the morning. Oh my goodness. Personal Assistant to a lunatic. It ain't fun. (Not always)

Jayne said...

Stupidity and suicide.
The other chick, not you.

Kath Lockett said...

Intentional eating, like the woman you mention is suicide. Slow, self-loathing, painful, punishing death.

I felt angry first, and then sadness at what kind of legacy and messages she's sending her daughter. In a way, I hope that she *does* depart this earth sooner rather than later because her child doesn't need someone that insanely self-absorbed around. After all, how much 'mothering' can she do if she's busy eating and too fat to walk with or hold her own child?

JahTeh said...

Before I start, has anybody else had comments disappear?

River, anorexia and bulimia are only now recognised as mental illneses so does behavious like thin come into that category?
I would say my fatness is part mental and part genetic. The genetic part is from the maternal side and I have a photo of my grandmother and her sisters, wall to wall boobs and bums. It didn't stop my grandmother from joining every committee, baking for the show, crafting and organising the football club. She had rotten health but that was poor doctoring and no education about nutrition.

Robbert, that's the point. I'm constantly trying not to put anymore weight on even if I don't get it off. Considering the last 3 years, I'm lucky all I put on was 10 kgs which was 10 of the 20 I'd lost.
Piano Concerto or Variations on a theme of Paganini? I love them both.
Good luck with the Trustees, you'll need it.

Jayne, She would have to eat all day and I watched that programme on SBS about the men who feed these women so they can't move and are totally dependant on them. I nearly threw up especially when he helped her to urinate by means of hose snaking out of the room to the toilet. Don't even think about the other end.

Kath, I could understand a woman who's been on a diet all her life and says 'nuts' and becomes the shape she should be but this, her highest aim in life, is incomprehensible.
At the end of each day, I sit down and tote up the bad things against the good things and try to do better the next day. I could never go to one of these websites and glory in my weight which is not to say I'm full of self-loathing, it's just something that I deal with.
I deal with it by dyeing my hair, wearing the best colours, covering myself with bling and walking like a Goddess.

River said...

Yes, I've had comments disappear. But not from your blog. Not yet anyway. From several others. Also had a few blogs not recognise my password and I've had to re-enter it and press publish again to leave my comment.

BwcaBrownie said...

last Saturday I had lunch with a 50-kilo not-bulimic woman who tries to gain weight and cannot. Life's a bitch.
I used to be really really skinny when I ate every bit of junk food there was. *sigh*

Divorce is always good for a 20-kilo weight drop though. so funny.

Shelley said...

Yeah, blogger's been pretty weird the last few days.

I didn't read this article but I've seen documentaries on this topic before. It's very disturbing. Especially the feeders.

Anonymous said...

Seems to me that "fat" is a 'control' system. ie, the bigger you are, the "bigger" you are. Ain't necessarily so,

Sometimes intellect is important, dingbat.


JahTeh said...

Davo, I haven't got my intellect out of cold storage yet but I'm getting there.

Shelley, you probably saw the same doco that I did, from America. One of the men even went into ICU with chocolate bars to feed up his woman. I shouldn't point fingers because I have no comprehension of why women would let men do this to them.

Bwca, we're all shapes and sizes and I wish the 'chicken little' approach to an assumed obesity crisis would die. I've heard the food servings in America are enormous, much more than here and the supermarkets have more junk on the shelves than good stuff.

River, all comments are back today but google keeps telling me my password is wrong and making me put it in again.