Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Somewhere, someone is lighting black candles

I know you are, whoever you are. You hate me and I've done nothing to hurt you.

This year, I've mangled the toe nail, fallen over repeatedly and I do wish it was 'teh drinking', diabetes, cholesterol, blood pressure and put on weight. Well no, I haven't put on weight, that was last year, this year I haven't lost any which is supposed to fix the diabetes, cholesterol and blood pressure, none of which I swear I've got. Maybe the blood pressure but that's mother and I haven't seen her for a week so maybe that's down. Did you know you can get the blood pressure taken at the pharmacy for $3.50? Cheaper than the doc's.

And not forgetting the neighbourhood cretins overturning the wheelie bins along the entire street. Or setting the tin of fireworks off in the street. Or making loud plans outside the gate for stealing the flares from the two boats around the corner. Or throwing their empty beer bottles over my fence.

Now it's Orb season and going outdoors is a Bear Grylls adventure in terror. I just found out he is the top yob of the Boy Scouts, who'd have thought. My kid tried joining the Cubs, lasted about 6 months when he discovered the most easily obtained badge in this group was creative bullying.
I was lucky to cut back the apple tree on one side so I could get to the line without ending up someone's dinner.

I was heading somewhere with this, aha, the toilet. Half flush has been borked for about a year now and there's a big notice which says 'use full flush' which is okay since I've turned the water down but now we are a duo. When I was on my own, it would remain unflushed except for the really important business. So last night it decided to go into full Niagara Falls mode and nothing I could do would stop it except turn the damn water off completely. BrickOutHouse hearing the banging and swearing decided that he could connect a new cistern quite easily. He sets off for Bunnings tonight and comes back highly offended because they wouldn't let him in with bare feet.
Why did he think they would? So half flush is working, just. BOH's brain not so much.

And it's only February.

12 comments:

Andrew said...

Eh? What was that? February? Since when? Oh dear.

Jayne said...

Orb season - oh, yes.
We have mofo Orb's who put King Kong to shame.

Kath Lockett said...

It's not me, JahTeh, I swear. Perhaps your person is also lighting a black candle or two for me as well.....

Year of the Rabbit starts tomorrow - fingers crossed our luck changes.

JahTeh said...

Andrew, Valentine's Day coming up but don't go to too much trouble for me, champagne, roses, expensive chocolates and a suite at the Windsor and a pair of socks for R.

Jayne, I watched one the other night spinning from the apple tree to the lemon tree and that's a backyard apart.

Nice bruise, Kath and we've both done a toenail except mine was a clean cut not all pusified like yours. You've got an Achille's and I've got a knotted glut muscle, both got cholesterol but I outrank you with borderline diabetes. I also vastly outweigh you. Bugger it, winning isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Year of the Rabbit is supposed to be a hard year, bwahahahahha.

River said...

Not me JahTeh, I've been lighting white candles. And an occasional green one.
No orbs around here yet.
Got that toilet fixed yet?

chicken hearted said...

I am a firm believer in 'give us this day our daily whinge'. And thank you, your disasters reassure me. I am/you are not alone. And what is it with toes at the moment? I caught a toe nail in the carpet while calming a cat terrified by thunder and ripped it off. The next day I walloped the same toe on a piece of garden furniture and it is now black. Big ouch twice.

JahTeh said...

River, a new cistern is being put in on the weekend and he better finish it in one day or it's the kitty litter for me.

Chicken hearted, that's called the Law of returning hurt. It doesn't matter how careful you are, you will always belt the bit that's hurting, probably more than once.

R.H. said...

Hi Ragers. It's like winter here, 6 oclock and very dim. (Maybe I should have paid that power bill, ha ha ha.)
Do they let people into Bunnings wearing thongs? I only ask because I don't know. Well maybe he got a crank on the door: a forty plus woman with dyed hair; divorced, separated (don't waste words Robert): a FEMINIST!

Wow.

-Robert.
Public intellectual.

R.H. said...

Hi bodgies, widgies, black stovepipes and luminous green socks, james dean jacket and blue suede shoes, bright pink shirt collar turned up, who's on your teddy bear chain?. Hey, going to da movies and starting a rumble, walking on your knees in the hamburger shop, till the Greek threw you out, he don't dig dat scene, playin' da juke don't give you da right. To go mental.

Hi Wild Things. All that rain. The RH Temple of Extreme Thought has a moat around it. What am I gonna do? It's the Patriarchy. That's what done it. If it weren't for that damned Patriarchy Germane Grear would be writing Westerns. And brothels would be free.

-ROBBBERRRRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Public intellectual.
(Available for smoke nights)

JahTeh said...

No, you're not allowed into Bunnings with or without thongs.
Rochester, you've taken me right back in time to a milk bar that had bench seats, malted milk in steel beakers (Blue Heaven) and the serving wench was a Widgie called Teddy Bear. Main street, Cheltenham l960s. In winter you could get a hot malted milk.
I've done enough walking down memory lane today without thinking about that.

R.H. said...

Hey,hot malted milk.

How square is dat!

Crazy man, you a Beat!

R.H. said...

You mean they don't use steel beakers anymore?
Man, how sudden I feel like an anachronism.

What's there to do?
For an old Rocker?

Have a giggle. Straight jacket optional.

-Robert.
Viva le Patriarchy.