I arrived at Southland at 10.22 and left at 11.36 and didn't retrace my footsteps once. Only forgot the most important thing, two bottles of Black Ice Vodka.
No child was harmed in the gallop through the shopping centre.
Best comment to whining children: "I want, I want, I want," Mother, "Put in on your dream list". Brilliant, see that, not "Christmas list" but dream list so in other words maybe in 20 years you'll get it.
Most embarrassing moment: Woman trying to get her purse into shoulder bag, puts blue chill bag on floor and yells "sit". Man behind her says, "well trained". It was sheer coincidence that she was extremely fat and had red hair.
Grab taxi to see mother. Am pleasantly surprised that I've almost lost the desire to hit her with a brick.
Lunch arrives and I do my usual rant about the food and Bible basher roomie tells me to shut up. I don't tell her to take a cross and stand in line, I'm mellowing.
Every Carer that came in asked if I was having lunch with mother tomorrow. They all got told I was staying home to get pissed. In the absence of vodka, I have Bombay Sapphire gin and Peach Champagne.
I have a book I've kept for the day and must get out a violent movie to offset the sugar crapola of Christmas carols on every channel.
I bought a sparkly ball for the cat who batted it once and walked off. Apparently cats of his superior intelligence don't do balls. It's okay, I washed it off and wrapped it for the kid across the street.
For the first Christmas in many years, I will not be looking back.