Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Christmas run

I arrived at Southland at 10.22 and left at 11.36 and didn't retrace my footsteps once.  Only forgot the most important thing, two bottles of Black Ice Vodka.
No child was harmed in the gallop through the shopping centre.
Best comment to whining children: "I want, I want, I want," Mother, "Put in on your dream list". Brilliant, see that, not "Christmas list" but dream list so in other words maybe in 20 years you'll get it.
Most embarrassing moment: Woman trying to get her purse into shoulder bag, puts blue chill bag on floor and yells "sit".  Man behind her says, "well trained".  It was sheer coincidence that she was extremely fat and had red hair.
Grab taxi to see mother.  Am pleasantly surprised that I've almost lost the desire to hit her with a brick.
Lunch arrives and I do my usual rant about the food and Bible basher roomie tells me to shut up. I don't tell her to take a cross and stand in line, I'm mellowing.
Every Carer that came in asked if I was having lunch with mother tomorrow. They all got told I was staying home to get pissed. In the absence of vodka, I have Bombay Sapphire gin and Peach Champagne. 
I have a book I've kept for the day and must get out a violent movie to offset the sugar crapola of Christmas carols on every channel.
I bought a sparkly ball for the cat who batted it once and walked off.  Apparently cats of his superior intelligence don't do balls. It's okay, I washed it off and wrapped it for the kid across the street.

For the first Christmas in many years, I will not be looking back.

8 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

LOVE put it on your dream list.
The smaller portion hired the Texas Chain Saw Massacre one year to counteract the shmaltz. Not for me.
Foxglove Summer?
Enjoy your day and your treats. You more than deserve it.

Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi JT,

"Put it on your dream list".

Love it.

Merry Xmas.

:o)

Cheers

PM

R.H. said...

Got your card, very nice. And I am well. Miss Croggon (Grogon)lives in Newport now, I spotted her in St Vinnies last Friday, trying on a dress. I was among the hats, trying on a panama. There were two racks of old sports coats between us -or
I'd have taken her hand, for the Pride of Erin.
Greetings to all.

-Robert.

Andrew said...

Put it on your dream list is a perfect response. You can be sure I will use it.

Thank you for your most gorgeous card. It is our biggest and perhaps the best for the year.

Just the one tiny drink today for me today. Enjoy yours.

River said...

Put it on your dream list. That's the best response ever. I wish I'd known it when my kids were little. They didn't spend days saying I want though.
Love the 'trained' chiller bag. I've sometimes said "stay" to mine and when it doesn't move I follow up with "good boy". Gets a laugh every time. Or one of those looks that say Crazy Lady.
Thank you again for the earrings.

JahTeh said...

EC, of course Foxglove Summer! It's been such a quiet restful day, the first in a long time and I have enjoyed it. Bah Humbug to Christmas rushing.

PlasMan, hope the winter weather wasn't too bad for you. One does hear funny things around the shopping centres at Christmas.

Robbert, a Panama, very Graham Greene and Cuban spies, it will suit you.

Andrew, a kick to the person who invented plastic corks for bubbly. It took me half an hour to get it out and then the drink was so bad even schoolies would have refused to get pissed on it.

River, I refused to acknowledge that person was me. It might run in the family since my sister has taken to talking to plants and trees being so happy in her retirement.

Fenstar de Luxe said...

You're game going to Southland, I've been avoiding it like the plague.

Merry Christmas xx

JahTeh said...

Fen, it wasn't too bad because I went in a taxi, no parking hassles but I wouldn't go near Chadstone for anything.


I finally worked out the sparkly ball. You have to bang it hard on the floor and a little battery inside goes through different colours and lights up the fish. I enjoyed it, the cat ignored it.