Sunday, October 01, 2006

LOUSY LIBERALS

I was reading an article last week which had this quote from the novelist Fay Weldon. She
once said, before you have children you can believe you are a nice person; after you have children you understand how wars start.

In this neighbourhood, that translated to the war between mothers of children.
You’ve all come across them, the ones whose little angels never tell lies, who can do everything better than anybody else’s child. We had wars in this street that would put the Taliban on the defensive, guerilla campaigns to outrival the Viet Cong and vendettas between mothers where no quarter was given or asked for. After playing peacemaker for years, I finally snapped and bodily threw a neighbour out of my house. It was years before we spoke again which was fine by me, I’d had enough of explaining to the boys that it didn’t matter how many lies her brat told, he’d get his eventually but he never did.

Apart from Weldon’s comment, an election promise from the Liberal party prompted those memories today. They are going to introduce a $2.3 million head lice program if they are elected next month. A Liberal government would pay for two head lice treatments a year for primary students.
Head lice lay eggs on the hair strands (nits) and they feed on human scalps. According to the Liberal spokesman, they spread by crawling between heads.

Believe me, they don’t crawl, they leap tall buildings in a single bound. The boys only got them once and it was a nightmare of washing everything including teddy bears and hair in Quellada. I had very long hair at the time and I went through it every night for a week with a tiny nit comb. So I did the right thing and notified the school and told the local mothers. I’d have got a better reception If I’d have announced they had the plague. Out of six mothers, not one would have gone to the school or told other mothers to check. To say I was shocked is putting it mildly and I’d be prepared to say that not a lot has changed or we wouldn’t be still having lice as an election promise.

Don’t wash the kid’s hair in expensive dog shampoo either, it won’t kill the nits and the lice love clean hair. I don’t apologize, it was a stop gap measure worthy of a politician. At least I didn’t use the Blight’s suggestion, put fly spray in a plastic bag and pull it over their hair.

And if any of you got through that without the urge to scratch, congratulations, because I didn’t.

8 comments:

kurt said...

Politicians and lice... close enough! There's your joke about the think tank. And you didn't even have to work at it. Bravo!

Link said...

An issue of grave national importance and should win them the next election by (another)landslide. Though not to belittle the problem, would a nice greasy scalp say covered in baby oil work? Having no children I have managed to avoid all their concomitant parasites including mothers.

Anonymous said...

Hi JT - love from Colac Library computer.
I do recommend Weldon's AFFLICTION, a hardly veiled account of her own marriage ending which is as funny as nora Ephron's HEARTBURN.

hope all is well at your end of the blognation.

phil said...

I'd vote for a party of nits that had a $2.3m promise to give people a twice a year treatment to get rid of Liberalism.

tigtog said...

It's strange - my daughter seems to be the kid that always picks up lice whenever they're going around the school, we'll get rid of them for months at a time then one kid comes to school with lice and BAM she's got them again. But my son has never got them - they've obviously got different-tasting blood or something.

Ron said...

I wonder if the lice just prefer girls?

My daughter regularly gets them but my son never has despite them both going to the same schools.

JahTeh said...

I tried to find a lovely little image of a louse but I kept getting GWB and the smaller of the species, JWH.

Believe me Link, when the experts say not to get between a mother and her young, they're right.

Hello little anonymous Bwca of the Lake, people are missing you.

What about the party of nits that's using millions to promote the sale of Telstra shares so that carpetbagger can have a bigger bonus, that's lousy for you, Phil.

Honestly TigTog, you watch for nits, thread worms, ringworm, warts and cold sores and wonder why on earth you wanted to be a mother some days.

They jump Ron, not just from head to head but coat to coat, hairbrush to hairbrush and they love long clean hair.

Ron said...

How come whenever anyone mentions, or I read about, nits my head starts to itch immediately?

Talk about the power of suggestion!