Saturday, January 06, 2007


I've had a nasty shock this week. I weighed myself, got off the scales, checked that Kirsty Allie hadn't jumped on behind me and weighed again. Dear me, the kilos haven't snuck up on me, they've stampeded and galloped over the top of me. Nearly 6kgs in 10 months, add that to the 5kgs of the year before and I'm halfway back to all weight I lost the year before that. Doesn't time fly when adding up the kilos.

I stress eat. I actually do what every New Age Guru says we should all do, when I eat I'm living in the now with every chomp and chew. Food has a tranquilizing effect on me unfortunately it's sweet food that does the job. I'm not a big eater and yes, I know we've heard that from every fat, obese, morbidly obese person in the world but I am a wrong food eater. I'm also a very slow eater. Other people can go through six courses in the same time as I eat an entree and dessert. I usually eat out of one bowl with one fork and the other hand is holding a book and one eye is on the TV. The diet books say this is a no-no, one should concentrate on every mouthful to the exclusion of everything else. At the rate I eat, I'd be comatose.

I have been trying to be good. We didn't even have a Christmas dinner this year. I'm down to no sugar and a drop of milk in tea which doesn't quite make up for two sugars in coffee or the donut with the coffee. Now I have to bypass the bakery on the way to Mum's. If I buy chocolate, it's very dark with almonds which is extremely hard to scoff the lot. I could steamroll through a box of Lindt between two blinks of an eye. As much as I love a crisp apple and a bitey cheddar, nothing rivals Pavlova loaded with cream and fruit as a calmative.

I could never be bulimic. After years of gallbladder trouble and copious bilious upchucks, I couldn't think of anything worse. I could never be anorexic. Not eating is something I could never be proficient at. Compulsive eating is not what I do either. I don't like overeating and feeling stuffed so eating until a loaf of bread is consumed or a 2 litre carton of icecream isn't me.
What I need a a stress-free life, a calm ordered existence with limited access to anything containing sugar....or fat....or chocolate coated.

Must go now, circus is in town, need new dress, must steal tent.


R.H. said...

Pavlova is my all-time favourite, but without the fruit.
Miss Jahteh, in the arts, being fat makes you look famous. I found this out years ago when a Huge Woman asked me to attend a stage play with her. At interval as we stood in the foyer it became very clear to me that people around us regarded her as someone important in the arts -just because of her size. True. And this sudden awareness gave me quite a boost, causing me to act suave and terribly sophisticated.
But everyone gets overweight anyway -except for the starved and self-righteous latte set, who preach fire and brimstone against smoking, fatty foods, inactivity, and anything else they dont do, and would like to.

Anonymous said...

I had to look up Pavlova. Nice, JT, but honestly, who wants to eat and gain weight with something that's all air?
Now, Tiramisu, that's the thing. If you're gonna gain weight it might as well be with something that has some nutrition in it for god's sake.
I just want to know how the Italians do it.
Don't know Tiramisu? Trust me, you don't want to go there.

BwcaBrownie said...

dear janet - the thing about the pav is the crunchy part melding with the cold thick cream part, followed by the tart strawberry.
It's an Aussie classic.

My stress food of choice is the Pauls Really Rich Custard in the 600ml tub.

actually janet, the other Aussie classic The Trifle is not unlike tiramisu. It has fruit custard and sponge cake at the bottom which has been drizzled with sherry.

Anonymous said...

Brownie, I did not need to know that.
Absolutely did not need to know that.

R.H. said...

Darlings, here's a variation known as: PAVLOVA RH.

Make a pavlova, then grate two Peppermint Crisp chocolate bars over the top.

-and oh my goodness gracious golly me!!! Scrumptious? Exquisite? Delectable?

Darlings, I would give up the world.

JahTeh said...

RH, you left out the last ingredient, over the peppermint crisps, you break up several Cadbury Flake bars and I came back to tell you about the peppermint. I should have known you would be a gourmet.

Janet, Tiramisu is Heaven in a bowl but Brownie's right about our trifle but it has to be jam sponge and no drizzling of the sherry, pour woman, pour the sherry. Then top it off with thick cream and crushed toasted almonds. Never go near the recipes that say to add Jello, very nasty and not to be tolerated.

phil said...

I got very lucky when I hooked up with Mrs VVB as her mum was the most superb pavolva maker I've ever run across. Even now, at 90, she can turn out a pretty good one although she wans't happy with her effort this Chritsmas just past. No matter, I scoffed my share and the leftovers. That said, as her pavlova making skillzz decline. her trifle making abilities have skyrocketed, and let me say her trifles were always pretty good too. In between hoovering up my allocated shae and waiting for the leavings of the pavlova, I had a decent piece of trifle. "Say, XXX, this has got a fair bit sherry in, eh?" "If you say so."

Don't you soak the old sponge in the sherry, so it stays at the bottom of the trifle, as a surprise? (well, it's be a surprise except we all know it's there).

And I've just been reviewing a course in preventative health written by a friend of mine, for use in workplaces. He has quite a lot on food and eating habits. Mrs VVB is just casting her professionally trained eye over it, as she is in the health area.

BwcaBrownie said...

and shoes

Swimming With Sharks brand

BwcaBrownie said...

That last comment reads more sensibly as:

re "need new dress"

and shoes ...


Kurt Reply said...

Phil, I hold a great deal of admiration for any woman who, at 90, can still successfully whip up her eggwhites to a stiff peak.

Anonymous said...

Kurt, don't act so surprised.
We all know older women do it better.

JahTeh said...

As much as I am loathe to insult one of my commentors, you're a rotten greedy sod Phil and I hope Mrs VVB looks over your eating habits.
*runs into corner drooling and crying, want sweeties, want sweeties*

I might as well say it Brownie before RH does, you would swill sherry out of a shoe.

I tell you Kurt I've never been tempted to test the whipped egg whites by upending the bowl over my head.

Janet, any woman does it better!

JahTeh said...

Thank you Brownie for reminding me I now need 'grannie boots' so I don't fall over. Loved the Mina Martina - Expect, took me right back to the Stonehenge days.

JahTeh said...

You know I've bookmarked that page Janet and I hold you responsible my arteries hardening.

In the interests of my backside I bought low-fat yoghurt which was delicious until I read the back of the packet. Low in fat, ginormous in carb and sugar AND gelatin (halal) which means the poor beast providing the gelatin was killed by having its throat cut to bleed to death, the halal method. Now off my shopping list. Bastards.

Lord Sedgwick said...

Cupric One, were you to make an appearance this Sunday at Chateau Vice Regal Lebanon there will be more pav (assuming the Brown One has been refused entry on account of her really dodgy forged ID) than you could poke a stick at, to, from, over, under, every Copperwitch way but loose.

Lord Sedgwick said...

"can still successfully whip up ... eggwhites to a stiff peak."

Let's hope our dearly beloved Highriser doesn't have an attack of the vapours over that description.

(Suspect, tart that he is, he will.)

JahTeh said...

Thank you Your Excellency, I can't make it on the day so just box up my share of the grub and have it delivered, preferably by someone young and easily awed by womanly magnificence or overcome with a choke hold.

Anonymous said...

I went back to Anna Maria's Volpi Tiramisu site and couldn't stop goggling at the food --and the sense of family and joy that goes with it. How DO the Italians do it? (I mean, how DO they eat this stuff without becoming the lardasses that Americans are known to be?) I grew up in Chicago where there were a few Italian (and a couple of Bohemian) bakeries still remaining in the 60s and the memories of walking into one of them as a child still makes my mouth water.
Modern supergrocery stores' generic bakeries are an obscene insult to all that is and was good.

Anonymous said...

And oh, JT, I am aware and sympathetic to your concerns about animal welfare and vegetarianism. I wondered if you have ever heard of Temple Grandin. You might google her and read some things about her research and ideas. I first found out about her via Oliver Sacks' book, An Anthropologist on Mars; then there were a few TV shows featuring her and her ideas. Interesting lady. I remember her auditing of one of my wildlife biology classes back when I was in school.
Anyway, her ideals and principles have made a bit of difference in the world.

Kurt Reply said...

Your Excellency, it was precisely in that vein that that comment was originally intended.

And Janet, I can testify that not only can women do it better but they can also do it longer.

And Phil, one more thing: I hope you didn't soak the old sponge in sherry because she just doesn't deserve that sort of treatment.

JahTeh said...

I actually had a post about Temple Grandin last year. She used her autism in her work to make animals feel less stressed when going to slaughter. She used to get in the animal shutes when she was a child because she felt comforted by the closeness of the rails hemming her in.
Just recently we've had a researcher here try to convince the Halal butchers that stunning cattle before slaughter still let them bleed out but was more humane.
I'm a latecomer to vegetarianism and sometimes I could still enjoy a bucket of KFC but it's the herbs and spices so if I could just interest them in doing a tofu version, think of the sales.

JahTeh said...

Kurt, I believe we're having a bad influence on you but keep up the good work annoying the bear.