Wednesday, April 04, 2007


Well we weren't but I will. After one step up a ladder today, that's one step, the first step, any higher and I get altitude sickness, I realised that the body is getting old. (insert sniggering here)

In my younger days and married to an object of decoration masquerading as a husband, I was the one who painted, wallpapered, cooked but never cleaned unless the month had an 'R' in it.

I remember him moaning in bed supposedly with the flu but in reality just his Monday morning 'brown ale virus' and me in the kid's room slapping up the second coat of paint while tending to a roast in the oven. He took his life in his hands by asking for food and pointing out an area I'd missed in a corner.

Now the kitchen which I had specified to be painted in gloss before we moved in, wasn't, so with himself being the greatest splasher and splotcher of all times, it wasn't long before a paint job was necessary. In my innocence I decided that I would paint it Gloss, a bright cheery pale lemon Gloss and not just the walls, I would paint the roof.

I painted the kids, the dogs, (lemon works well on black labs) and the cats. I didn't even have a ladder in those days. I stood on chairs, walked around the benchtops and utilised the kitchen table. I discovered one of life's truths, gloss paint takes forever to dry......on kids, dogs, cats and walls but especially when it's dropping off a ceiling onto the kids, dogs, cats etc. It doesn't peel off the skin like flat plastic paint, you have to scrub down several layers to basement epithelia.

But I had my lemon kitchen which made me happy until I saw "the wallpaper". It was white with lemon wild flowers and pale green leaves, delicate and fresh. I left the ceiling lemon and the walls were delicate and dainty as were the lace curtains framing the dirty dishes. Wallpaper 101, do not put anything but vinyl in a kitchen especially with a splotcher in residence.

Painters hate Gloss. They will do anything but paint Gloss. I paid the equivalent of the GNP of a small country to get one to paint Gloss in the kitchen. I scraped off the wild flowers while the decoration sat on his decorative backside. But I had my white gloss kitchen with the white gloss ceiling. He flicked spaghetti bol across the ceiling a week later. It washed straight off. I love Gloss.


Andrew said...

Gloss was very pracical but less than forgiving for any lumps and bumps. Imported el cheapo flat paint in our apartment can tolerate a washing down with straight bleach. Paints are so good now.

BwcaBrownie said...

'epithelia' - fantastic.
a 'gloss epithelia' - even better.

JahTeh said...

Andrew, dare one ask what you are doing that needs the washing of walls with bleach after? Several very strange practices spring to mind.

It kind of rolls off the tongue Brownie, more melodious than skin.

Middle Child said...

My dad was a painter amongst othet things... but all the painters we have known hate everything especially work!

JahTeh said...

I was so naive about how much work the gloss involved and this is me, who painted the lounge three times in one week to get the colour right. The right colour meant keeping the gloss trim looking clean.