Now this is more me. Wide at the bottom, skewiff at the top but with stars in my hair and spots before my eyes.
The young don't know how to celebrate a birthday properly. Dancing around and getting drunk is no fun.
When you're old just waking up on the day is a highlight.
You get to check if the other half of your teeth are still there.
You map the new wrinkles that appeared overnight.
You pluck the white hairs from your chin.
You jump up and down on the scales til they beg for mercy.
If you feel up to it, you can go for a jog and count the stress fractures.
And if the universe is kind, the birthday falls on half-price movie day and you can sneak off and watch Harry Potter again. You should do this without the birthday excuse, it's better the second time round.
Help yourself to cake and have a glass of Moet&Chandon.