Friday, September 07, 2007

FRIENDS AND RELATIVES

I'm sure I've blogged this saying before.

"Friends are God's apology for relatives!"

After dealing with Aunt Patty and Aunt Selma this week, God better come up with a bigger apology.

Aunt Selma called me an absolute disgrace of a daughter and told me to get off her phone. She hasn't bothered to see her twin for two years.

Aunt Patty said I should do more for my mother. She hasn't seen her sister for 6 months.

My mother after listening to the Bouvier sisters said I should be grateful that she's alive to look after.

Since I have been delegated to write the eulogy for the whenever funeral I will have my revenge and those two will not be named. Not one mention of the loving sisters, nothing. In fact if I had my way there wouldn't be a funeral at all. If you can't turn up when someone's alive, don't turn up when they're dead.

Now God, about that other apology, Tattslotto tomorrow night wouldn't be a bad start.

6 comments:

Neo said...

Exuse me but, what the ******?

I'd say they are more like dirty cochroaches that swarm over the carrion when the light goes out.... (except they are worse cus the light isn't out yet)

Ignore em and they will go away yes? I bloody hope ya mum doesn't suddenly include the wonderful,long-lost patron saints in her will.
The bleedin hypocrites.

"My mother after listening to the Bouvier sisters said I should be grateful that she's alive to look after"

.....You do know that cyanide tastes like almonds,What's on the menu next week with a nutty flavour?

XXX

Andrew said...

You can't help but deal with rels. By all means, no mention of them in a eulogy.

JahTeh said...

Neo, I should be used to them by now but the attack was unexpected but where once I would have taken it, now I don't. They're identical twins so I suppose Aunt Selma is looking at her own mortality. Still once a bitch, always a bitch.

Andrew, I'm still working on a way to not having a funeral at all. After it's all over I never have to speak to or see them ever again.

Maria said...

You always have to deal with your relatives. And sometimes you can't stand what they say. You can try emotional blackmail, you can try sulking, you can try reason, you can try whining, you can try bribing, you can try saying a whole lot of confusing hyperbole hoping it will shut them up, you can try taking a position of moral superiority.

Or you can try this. When an bitching session starts, begin chanting:

"BITCH ... BITCH ... BITCH ... BITCH ... BITCH ..." as a warcry and beat your fists on the table until the matter is never brought up again.

Certainly is an effective conversation stopper. I've seen it done before.

JahTeh said...

Maria, it's like punching marshmallows, you never get anywhere.

Middle Child said...

WE had my a brother turn up at my husband's funeral and give the elad in speech, but wouldn't travel down to see him for the 5 and a half weeks he was in Intensive care dying, nor visit him more than two or three times (briefly) in the 25 years he was a Quadriplegic...haven't heard from him since and sorry Don...but good riddance to bad rubbish is my thought...

those two sisters are like carrion crows and should be treated as such... I hate these sort of peple...can i spit on them for you?