Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Well it's been an interesting few days away from the blog. A run-in with old 'vinegar tits' from next door over the issue of my ivy breaking the fence down and rampaging through her garden. I keep the ivy off the fence and at a reasonable ground level but when idiots like 'her from next door' and old 'VTs' load up with fancy watering systems that rot the wood then the ivy will wander to greener pastures. I wasn't in the mood to haul timber and shore up the rotting fence since I have to scrounge a fence paling from somewhere.
She's the biggest whinger I've ever come across but she outdid herself last week. She complained about the gumtrees in the house opposite because the leaves were dropping in her courtyard, considering the north winds we've had lately she's lucky the trees didn't drop. Very interesting watching the tree loppers at work and hearing what looked like small branches making a booming noise as they hit the ground. I didn't realize how high the two gums had grown but now they're just memories and she's not pleased. The outlook from her house is so terrible now, she only expected to have them take a few branches down and now it's so bare, boo hoo bitch.
This from a woman who has a 20 foot Tulip tree in the front yard which covers the neighbourhood in leaves all autumn. She has help from the council, her son and a gardner and wants me to tidy up my yard by myself. She's going to sell the house and she wants over half a million for it but she has to get the garden slob next door to do something about the ivy and I think this is where I started the post.

I don't think I'll talk about mother who has raised her status from bitch queen of the galaxy to bitch empress of the universe. Too painful there.

I've added another useless thing to my list of useless things. Automatic windows in cars. Ban them. Automatic means they keep closing even with people's fingers in the window. I ended up with a hand in ice for an hour and so far I've keep the bruising down and I won't lose the fingernails. This is why there's been no blogging.

So in the last week I've had the lights go completely in the study, the pilot light on the space heater went out which has never happened in all the years I've had it, the steam iron blew just as I finished the last dress, the computer screen froze on one site but kept working everywhere else and I nearly lost my fingers, right hand. Can anything else happen, yep, I can get two groups of teenagers in the one day filling my ears with the biggest load of drivel I've ever heard including 'like' after every second word. School's out and they're everywhere. I thought they were all up north getting drunk and stoned not down here annoying me.

I need to get a liver and start serious drinking.


River said...

The steam iron blew........great! now you don't have to iron ever again!

JahTeh said...

Actually I'm pretty good at not ironing anything except pillowslips. I don't iron the indoor clothes/rags and the going out stuff I hang up in the bathroom and any creases drop out. The joys of being involved in a 'no shirt' divorce.

Brian Hughes said...

I don't iron the indoor clothes/rags

You wear clothes indoors? That's shattered my illusions now.

Andrew said...

What were you trying to steal from a car when your fingers got jammed in the electric windows?

Maria said...

Y'can't hide from Christmas, and one thing is, pretty much the moment Christmas is over, they're stocking up on Easter products, sure as eggs is eggs, pardon the pun.

I was in the Lindt cafe recently and I saw these choccie bunnies. I swear they look like choccie bunnies. I took a closer look and on the outsude of the bok they had a label saying "Reindeer". No problem. I'm sure once Christmas is done all they'll have to do is take off the label and stick "Easter Bunny" over it and they'll be fine. The chocolate could be either. What a darn good idea.

Middle Child said...

Why is it that the more tragic things get the more I feel like a good laugh? ...maybe its the hopeless laughing with (not at) but with the hopeless...perchance

JahTeh said...

Put your illusions back, I only wear clothes in winter and answering the door. I quite like divorce, the sheets don't need washing as much, no shaving cream on the bathroom mirror, almost no ironing.

Andrew, you rotter and me with bruised digits. Do you realize how hard it was to get food to my mouth?

Maria, I have my eye on two boxes of Lindt chocolates for Christmas, the ordinary selection and the petits desserts. I was hoping to hide on the day with those and a good book but I'm trapped.

Therese I'm glad I can make you laugh. I know this Christmas is going to be the hardest to handle but he'll be there with you.

Brian Hughes said...

Shaving cream on the bathroom mirror? What the hell was he doing with it? Or was he just so confused first thing in the morning that he was attempting to shave his reflection?

JahTeh said...

Fleetwood, the man was a splatterer. Shaving cream, spaghetti bol, tomato sauce which is why I laughed when I saw his new house and all those sparkling white tiles in the kitchen.

Brian Hughes said...

"...the man was a splatterer..."

You wouldn't believe the number of obscene scenarios I've got swimming round my head at the moment. Fortunately I'm far too sophisticated to post them.