Saturday, April 26, 2008

HOW TO GIVE A RELATIVE A HEART ATTACK

Your sister gives you a blood pressure reading of 193/96 then rings you half way home and tells you that the machine is faulty.

By this time you've already by-passed the coffee and cake at the shop although you wonder why not have it since you could drop dead any minute.

Anything else happen?

Too many freeloading birds sitting on one side of the birdbath made it topple over and smash to smithereens. This time I've got no hope of cementing it back together.

It's bucketing down so I don't have to water the garden.

The space heater is on with no smell of roasting rodent.

And Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince opens in Melbourne on 27th November, 2008.

Spiffy!

15 comments:

Brian Hughes said...

My blood pressure nurse can't understand why, every time she take my B.P. it's through the roof, but when I take it myself at home it's perfectly fine. The fact that she resembles the Incredible Hulk and has a voice like a megaphone obviously hasn't occured to her yet. As a result I'm now on six B.P. tablets a day. This is because the world is a pointless, brain dead and self-serving place populated by people in positions of responsibilty who fit the same description.

nailpolishblues said...

Oh good, a late birthday present - HP not BP. I shall look forward to that.

Jayne said...

Hope you're enjoying that cake and coffee inside your warm home while contemplating the dead birdbath.
Check out the op shops for those massive big serving platters - they double as a birdbath quite nicely ;)

Ozfemme said...

The shock of the BP reading of those proportions probably sent your BP right up!

I'm still bypassing the cake too but godess, it's hard to skip the coffee.

(I used to live in North Carlton and remember so fondly that you couldn't walk 100 metres in any direction without passing a fabulous cafe full of fabulous coffee and cakes. My favourite place was Casa Del Cafe on Rathdowne Street. I wonder if it's still there?)

Sorry to hear about the bird bath. Perhaps you can let them come in and take showers now?

JahTeh said...

Dearest Fleetwood, there's only one remedy for you, move to Oz. You can't afford a house or food but the booze is okay. I'd love to say we have sane people in charge but the relatives of the brain dead and self-serving have moved here also.

Nails, don't forget Indianna Jones in May.

Jayne and Bella, I'm nothing if not resourceful. Out with the geologist's pick and chip away most of the bath just leaving enough of the base to be a flat platform. Replace on stand, cover with a decorative planter full of climbing geranium which has nowhere to climb so it will hang down gracefully. And that's the gardening done for the year.

Anonymous said...

he he he he ...

its not just you feeling a heart attack coming on.

now that I have seen a couple of harry potter films I think it's gr8 too, though the factual witchcraft leaves much to be desired.

Little miss fortune hasn't actually got it all!
xxxk

JahTeh said...

Of course the witchcraft isn't factual, we wouldn't want to give the muggles any power.

River said...

In spite of a failed marriage, 4 kids, 5 grandchildren, never ending near poverty, a stressful 2nd marriage my blood pressure is completely normal. Always has been. Never up, never down. My doctor thinks I'm amazing.
My cholesterol is a different matter........

JahTeh said...

River, I avoid cholesterol tests, it would stress me out too much and I'd never be able to look a donut in the face again.

Lord Sedgwick said...

"a blood pressure reading of 193/96 "

Pshaw!

Try 230/140 - and the machine being operated by my lesbianese GP was in complete working order - and the reading taken well before she undertook the digitally enhanced prostate examination.

(There's variation of a finger in the dyke joke lurking somewhere in the nether regions of my alleged mind, but can't quite put my finger on it ... but 'let's go dutch' as the nun said to the novice.)

(Beulah peel me another Copper and bwca's excess to requirement Bombays ... stirred not shaken ... and hold the bloomers.)

JahTeh said...

It was your own fault Sedgwick. You should have employed someone more able-bodied to carry the stepladder on your peeping raids.

Bwca said...

oh no!
not the birdbath.

I've just worked my way down here from the rose vase - and I couldn't think of anything to say up there except "shit" so I didn't.

shit.

Middle Child said...

"Try 230/140 - and the machine being operated by my lesbianese GP was in complete working order - and the reading taken well before she undertook the digitally enhanced prostate examination." from Lord Sedgewick... bloody hell...thats panic stations and stroke stuff...

Lord Sedgwick said...

That's what she said ... As well as "Get out! Patients carking it in my surgery is NOT good for my business!"

The good news is, having now seen the light and warnings I have undertaken minimal exercise, lots of saturated duck fat, clotted cream jam sangers, intravenous Sav Blanc, being Araldited to a comfy beanbag listening to Alan Jones and reading Andrew Bolt my BP is now within tolerable levels.

A stroke of genius, that regime.

JahTeh said...

Bwca, you'd be thrilled with the make-do result. I mean I that is me, planted something and it could grow.

Therese, M'Lord is our hero but only the Goddess knows how the skinny little runt ever got enough blood to pressure in the first place. Give him tomato sauce and he'd eat a horse, preferably his after its loss last week.