Wednesday, July 09, 2008

GIRL STUFF MEME

Foundation:
Never bother with it except if there are going to be strong lights in which case Selley's ultra-fine finish poly filler is excellent.

Mascara:
Essential. It's a fact of life that old age brings grey hair and that means all hair including eyelashes. Never mind those fiddly lash wands, buy a yard broom.

Day Cream:
Day, hour, minute cream, litres of it. Doesn't work over a certain age but makes you feel virtuous for trying to stem the advancing tide of wrinkles.

Essential Beauty Product:
I suppose they mean beside money. Soothing eye cream, without which my peepers look like two proverbials in the snow.

Favourite Makeup Product:
Money? Lipstick, copper or bronze with built in pheromones.

Perfume:
Never go to bed without it. YSL's Opium. Expensive, very expensive. Birthday coming up. Hint.

Nails:
Karma again. I used to be overly proud of my long shapely nails but the older one gets the more calcium the body chucks away so now I'm left with sheared off stumpy crappy nails which split and crack so Araldyte gives a nice shiny finish.

Hands:
Huzzah!! Sarah Jessica Parker and Madonna have worse hands than me. I try to keep them out of washing up water, washing floor water or hanging out wet washing. You shouldn't handle dirty money either, use a credit card. Don't use hand lotion, lets the men slip through your fingers too easily.

Feet:
Yeah, still got two and all the defects are hidden inside flat heeled grannyboots. They're also my fat measure rule. If I can't reach to put nail polish on, I need to lose some or I could just stand up and let gravity guide my hand to each toe. Yes, I cheat.

Three products to bring on a deserted island:
Bombay Sapphire, soda water and a crystal glass. Bombay is an absolute beauty must. If I drink enough, I'll look fabulous, in any mirror, on any island.

Women I admire for their beauty:
I'll go for Aussies. Jennifer Hawkins. Anyone who can lose their dress while wearing a thong and still laugh while looking good is a winner. Maggie Taberer, fat and fabulous and loving her age.

Woman with the best sense of style:
I'm going for Her Maj. here. Age appropriate dressing and doesn't need a stylist to tell her what tiara to put on. She can still wear a dress beaded with 10kgs of bling and float. The woman's a legend.

My ultimate dream:
To wake up on my birthday and find out the Goddess has given me the body of Elle, the combined IQ of several well-known bloggers and taken 20 years off my age.

How do I define Womanhood:
Comfortable shoes with men firmly under the heel.

Favourite fashion publication:
Bunnings sale catalogue, has everything I need.



22 comments:

Jayne said...

LMAO
I love it! :)
And your definition of womanhood should be embroidered, by every 13 yr old girl in their sewing classes, onto their pillow slips ;)

Brian Hughes said...

Foundation: Fleetwood Hall Borstal for Wayward Boys
Mascara: A type of crab in Dr. Who
Day Cream: What male students do before staggering out of bed at dinner time
Essential Beauty Product: Paper bag
Perfume: Eau-de-fag-smoke
Nails: What male students would like to do to female students
Hands: The Prime Minister of Holland
Three products to bring of a deserted island: Boat, telephone and fridge
Women I admire for their beauty: Ann Widdicombe...in the same way that I admire papaplegics for their efforts in the Olympic Games
My Ultimate Dream: The one where I'm being chased by a giant lemon
How do I define Womanhood: A pink covering that stops the rain from messing up women's hair
Favourite Fashion Publication: Whatever the last one that went belly up was called.

Davo said...

Not to worry, beautiful woman .. when all else fails, try oxygen. Inspiration never fails.

(yer, well, whatever .. heh)

River said...

Hee hee, funniest meme replies I've read in quite a while. Love it.

JahTeh said...

Absolutely Jayne, nothing like the cushiony feel of a bloke on concrete.

Fleetwood, you stole your essential beauty product from Sedgwick and you wouldn't get far on the island, you forgot the electricity.

Thank you Davo, oxygen therapy is great for hangovers, sister's an expert.

River, there hasn't been a meme yet that I couldn't turn into a laugh.

Kath Lockett said...

BRILLIANT post, Copperwitch! Do you mind if I use this for my blog also? I'll link back to you, of course...

That's So Pants said...

Hi Coppie

Thanks - this really gave me a good laugh on a dismal Victorian day.

xxx

Pants

Dysthymiac said...

just showing off my new jewellery.
Hope you are warm on this vile day.

Davo said...

testing, testing 3568 ...
(delete this bit)

R.H. said...

git off'n dis blog Davo you non-sequitur varmit!

Davo said...

Ooer, Fleetwood, where ARE we going with Widdicombe Fair .. still prefer pink bits belly up .. but that's my own personal peculiarity .. heh.

Davo said...

Methinks the word, Robert, is spelled "varmint".

R.H. said...

da hell yo' say yo' non-sequitur polecat a'be tellin' decent folks how ter speak right purty jest take dat dere dance hall wagon an' vamoose back east see if'n we care. Greenhorn. Fourflusher.

Dang fancypants if'n yer ask me.

Davo said...

Yup, dagnabbit, effin we're inta that sorta vernacular .. perhaps polecat?

Davo said...

Fourflusher? Ok, have a couple of gumtrees on the table, and a Bilby up the sleeve.

JahTeh said...

Be my guest Kath, bet yours is all chocolate.

Pants, was it snowing up your way?
I was waiting in the wind for 40 mins for a cab and I swear I could see icicles forming.

Bad memory Dys, you sent me a glossy mag with all of these pretties last year. I never forget jewellery.

You won't will with Davo, Rh, he was an actor so he'll beat any accent you come up with.

JahTeh said...

That's 'win'. so excited at having internet back.

R.H. said...

Skeedaddle an' gor orn wid yer grannie got dat dere ol' frypan an' she gorn plumb loco fixin' ter bounce it off'n yo' haid davo boy an' all dem floose critters you be tow aroun' too!

POLECAT!

Das right!

R.H. said...

fergit it ma'am.

ah has been actor all mah life.

Jayne said...

*sits in corner taking notes of the wildlife*

Middle Child said...

hha so good at Jayne said

tres amuse
"Mascara:
Essential. It's a fact of life that old age brings grey hair and that means all hair including eyelashes. Never mind those fiddly lash wands, buy a yard broom."
truth is always a tad apinful

JahTeh said...

Jayne this whole blog reminds me of 'FireFly' at times.

Therese, I really should have put down a pair of tweezers for the desert island, for the plucking out of grey hairs on my chinny chin chin.