Sunday, July 06, 2008


Yes, I'm here and there you all are, fighting, insulting and threatening to shoot each other. Thank the Goddess, my blog family still lives.
I haven't been well, still not well but aiming to get better by sometime next week.

The visit, not exactly a success. The girls arrived at 1.30 p.m. on Thursday so instead of a leisurely stroll around Southland and a nice lunch, everything was rush and more rush. Head off to mother's and take photos, see sister and forget to take photos. Pizza for tea in between turns on the computer to talk to friends in Queensland. Bed by 11.30 and they sleep until after midday on Friday so no wander over to the DFO just videos, left over pizza and more turns on the computer. They are picked up at 7 p.m. Friday night and by 7.30 I'm in bed with a migraine that would fell a draughthorse.

The girls love me but I'm not part of their lives. A two year gap of non-communication left me without anything to talk about. There's an old saying about not being able to go back but it's just as hard to go forward. They didn't want photos taken, one reads books, the other doesn't even read the trash magazines for teens, in fact doesn't read books at all. They like clothes but not make-up. They did allow me to buy some jewellery. One is happy at school, the other is about to start at her third school after being put on the 'expell ladder' at the expensive private school.

Their other family in Melbourne has had parties, having parties and planning parties so I was lucky to have a few hours. A few hours aren't enough to encourage confidences and I could tell the subjects that were taboo including the 'expelling' one. They were happy to see me, happy to be here and I get the feeling that it's an oasis of quiet between parties where they recharge the batteries.

My sister, who's never been in this position, says I'm seeing the glass half empty but a few hours don't make up for the years lost and it's painful to deal with it. I'm not the type to use them as substitutes because my son's dead, I like them for themselves.

So I'm dealing with it and the headache and mother and what feels like a very dead-end life at the moment except for my blog family whose comments have made me laugh for the first time in days.


Kath Lockett said...

Hang in there. Firstly, survive the migraine.
As a fellow sufferer, I know how truly s**thouse you feel and it can make all the misgivings about the time spent with kids seem even worse when you're curled up in agony in the foetal position with evil brain-dwelling dwarves poking the backs of your eyeballs with pins and a big giant hand reaching inside your cavity and squidging your grey matter.

Strangely enough, life in general always seems roughly a thousand percent better when you've recovered..

Brian Hughes said...

I'd recommend archaeology as good healing therapy. Then again, I always do...mainly because we could do with someone who's good at scaring cows off.

River said...

I'm out of touch with two my grandchildren. I see them fairly often, more than twice a year anyway, but they lead such busy active lives and I'm never caught up with what they're doing or what they're currently "into". The younger two, from the other son, I see maybe once a year if I'm lucky. I had no idea the 4 year old had every Bratz doll on the planet when I took her one for her birthday.
I hope the migraine didn't hang around too long. I'm another fellow sufferer, but mine are usually caused by hayfever, so aren't as bad. Codeine's good.

JahTeh said...

Kath, wonderful description especially the dwarves. I've found taking a bucket to bed makes the nausea much better. It's like a comfort blanket. My fault for saying I hadn't had a migraine in ages, karma.

Fleetwood, I'm terrified of cows, they're big, with horns, teeth and bloody great feet. I'd be good for standing next to things to get a feeling of width though.

River, the blessed Codeine and serepax and anything else I can legally stuff in my mouth to stop the pain. You know the D-in-L didn't even tell me when the new husband adopted the girls and changed their name. That made me feel part of the family.

Dysthymiac said...

"fighting, insulting, threatening to shoot each other ... hello children mummys back"

YOU ARE A STAR MY DEAR. A Star. An entire constellation in fact.

re grandchildren: my 5 have a disgusting amount of stuff.
They don't need me and I am relieved.

Yes. CODEINE - Take TWO!

Anonymous said...

Oh my darling Jt. I know it's hard to believe other people when they say "I know how you feel" but i think I might have some idea.
I went to bundanoon last week to see my son during his lunch break. I have not seen him in 12 months.
Firstly, the school harrassed me about having an 'order' to be able to see him, then after I ignored them, all he talked about was video games and taking the dog for a drive in the car?!
Then when he had finished his lunch and unwraping his xmas and birthday presents (without even a thankyou, or thanks for coming to see me or I miss you mum)that I took with me he asked if he could go and play with his friends!
I had been there all of 15 mins.
Twice I said, can you please call mummy about coming to stay for the holidays because I don't have your new phone number and Oli and I miss you terribly.....he still has not called.

After days of tears I think I have realised that kids don't think the way we do.
When they mature I think it will be up to them to pursue a relationship with us.

Either I think that or I will hate myself for being the most unloved mother on the planet!

They are just kids. They might call us one day.

All my love, always.

ps. you can always call me or come and stay you know! (0401318423) hey why don't you foster! You would brighten so many lives my dear and have little uns to hold!

Anonymous said...

Thinking about it.....I saw my grandmother everyday for 6 years as she needed help.( in a nursing home) She once said to me, "I have seen you more in 6 years than my own daughter has seen me in 45 years". Thus,I knew years ago the importance of family from her one statement. My grandmother was my world even though she offered me nothing but a warm touch and kind words.

My god, our kids have lost SO much in their pursuit of 'things' and their own self importance.

Much love Jt.

Morgana XXX

Lord Sedgwick said...

"I'm terrified of cows, they're big, with horns, teeth and bloody great feet."

Let it go woman! Stop obssessing about that grog blog when I stomped on your delicate tootsie.

(And wot my sage Cuz said!)

Jayne said...

Thanks goodness you're back Mum!
Robert 'n' Brian woz bein' rude to each ova an' they woz swearin' an' stuffs!!!
An' we're out 'o' milk an' the kids next door sez I kin have a sleep over at their place if you sez it's oright?
An' the cat wot lives down the street had kittens under the house, kin I keep 'em, pleeease, kin I, huh, huh, kin I, pretty pleeeease?

Hope you're migraine pisses off soon ;)

Anonymous said...

At least you know your granddaughters love you. And perhaps when they're older and have more freedom they might choose to spend more time with you.

Andrew said...

Just keep in touch. When they are older, they will remember you.

Zoe said...

Of course they love you.

We do too.


R.H. said...

I'm moving to Sydney (to be near Gerry).


JahTeh said...

Dysthy, I can sense trouble brewing with the eldest so I'm glad I won't be involved in that brawl.

Morgana, his father's bringing him up and he's the main influence, you won't get past that unfortunately. Let's hope he ends up with a lovely girl who encourages him to come back to you.

MiLord, would you care to be adopted by Morgana of the Knockers who needs to mother a wayward child? There's nothing more wayward than you, you bearded hooligan.

Jayne, there doesn't seem to be any blood spilt yet and the level of insult is extremely highly polished. They really should be in Parliament. Wouldn't it be lovely to have them for a sleepover though?

OoC, I'm a pitstop on the racetrack of their lives and that's enough for me. I just have to remember not to expect too much.

Andrew, I am glad I don't have the responsibility of teenagers, Mother is quite enough at the moment.

Zoe, I noticed this visit, they didn't ask one question about their father and didn't look at one photograph. Enjoy your boys, they'll be teenagers before you know it. Teenagers really are an alien race.

Rh, that would be a match made in Hell. He lives in the mountains, no-one will ever find your body.

R.H. said...

Look what he says: "If he was in Sydney, I'd be putting extra locks on the doors. He's a full-on nutter of the dangerous kind."

What? How preposterous! Well thanks very much Gerry, how can I get a NSW home loan with you saying things like that about me!

Jayne said...

Robert you can slip over the back fence and sleep in the garden shed, if that helps :P

Kelly & Sam Pilgrim-Byrne said...

Wish we were in Melbourne, JT.

They will remember you - just try keep some level of contact with them over the years. When they're old enough, they'll return.

Haven't forgotten your C original, just been sick ourselves...

R.H. said...

Maybe I'll just rent a place near him.

Mindy said...

They will want to know one day, and they will come and seek you out. Don't underestimate having a quiet place to hide.

Mikhela said...

Dead end life? You?

Davo said...

errr, umm, read - red? all this shit.

Would you accept a [[hug]] from this stranger?

JahTeh said...

He's rather unkind Rh, you're just a full on nutter, only dangerous when Savers are having a sale.

Jayne, you've already got feral possums, a nutty neighbour and a kid who digs trenches. Some people are just too kind for their own good. Rh is good with kids, he'd let himself be buried and have the feral beast excavate him.

Girls, bad enough being sick with one but not all of you. Miss C is just gorgeous.

Mindy, I think they might one day but it's a wrench to put them aside for the moment. On the other hand, they're in the teenage years and I remember those all too well. I'm better off with a quiet life.

Sorry Mikhela, shouldn't have said quiet life in front of you. Did I wake the twins? It just feels like a dead end and the birthday is creeping closer.

Davo, hugs back to you. I know what you are going through and I hope you decide to go to her.

Ozfemme said...

Here's an awkward hug (it's what I do) and a virtual bottle of gin for when the migraine clears completely.

Anonymous said...

I tell ya I keep getting that cheezburger site when I come here. What's going on? I think Copperwitch is being hijacked. Has anybody else had this problem?

What I wish I could ask my grandmothers. What I wish I could ask my father. What I wish he'd asked his great grandmother. Gone gone gone. Definitely a case of the big yellow taxis.

It just doesn't seem to occur to little un's to ask the forbearing forebears, questions like: What was it like back in the dark ages? Why did you leave when you did? Why did you go there? Why did you come here? What was your mother like?

Caroline. (still not blogging)


Oh and on the subject of problematic cattle Brian, I can offer one piece of advice. Never make eye contact with a herd of cows in a paddock, as this seems only to confuse them. They expect that we, with eyes too close together are predators while they, with doe-like peepers and a 180 degree view, are the prey. Prey never take their eyes off predator. So should you fix and maintain your gaze on a group of cows, they imagine some kind of weird role reversal is taking place which tends only to make them curiouser and curiouser and to move in closer and closer. This is of course quite intimidating. I walked for some miles with thirty or forty black Angus heifers breathing down my neck, almost literally and it was most disconcerting. Although had I never given them so much as a cursory glance they'd undoubtedly have ignored me too. This works quite well on all animals--people too I suppose. On the other hand, or, having said that, (as they say) eye contact with cows from the safety of one's vehicle is highly recommended as a balm for the soul, not so sure about people . . .

JahTeh said...

Thanks Bella, I'll take both hug and gin but only the good stuff, I'm all class.

Caroline, I know what you mean, I have no way of even knowing where my grandfather is buried. That ace ferreter of ancestors, our Bwca hasn't got too far with where he was born.

I must make sure Fleetwood is aware of your cowcraft. If you go over to you'll see what he's been dealing with.

Brian Hughes said...

"They expect that we, with eyes too close together are predators..."

Unfortunately Uma Thurman's too expensive to hire out for the day.

Middle Child said...

Ahs so sorry. we hope for so much that really is our due... considering - and we hope that the kids and grandkids give us the time of day - time was when they'd have been too scared of us not to give us the time of day - take care sweetheart - okay - llife can feel like shit at times but still goo to be on the right side of the grass okay.