Saturday, September 20, 2008

THE AFTER VIRUS VIRUS

I'm still tired. I have two days running around then the next day in bed. Please, I'm not complaining, bed is very nice when the sun is streaming in the window and I have books to read. It's just that even I'm beginning to notice washing piling up, dishes from other houses booking holidays in my kitchen for the peace and quiet and the chocolate stash has disappeared.

I'm also turning into one of those old ladies who shout at the ads on TV. It's the Ad Agency's job to make annoying ads so that we'll remember what they are but it doesn't mean I'm going to buy the products just because I remember them. It's about the only thing I remember these days.

Napisan is off the list until someone gives that repulsive kid the boot. Kids shouldn't be allowed in the laundry unless they're locked in and washing their own clothes. I'd have hit him with the Napisan after the first annoying question not that I would have done that to my own, I always threw whatever was to hand to give them a chance to dodge. Of course if they were looking the other way then all's fair in the mother/child war.

White King can go jump too. I use White King. I do not leap around the bathroom using the bottle as a substitute AK47 assault rifle. I do not laugh like a hyena on heat when killing algae in the cistern and what's more her bloody bathroom looks immaculate anyway.

Next on the list. Lynx! I have yet to find any cologne or aftershave that would turn a bloke into anything as luscious as chocolate. He doesn't even turn into goodlooking chocolate. I shouldn't complain about that ad really because it's obviously aimed at men who will buy crap-in-a-can if they think it will get them laid. Take a tip from me, leave the Lynx and buy the biggest box of chocolates you can find. You'll have more chance with that especially if you're coming to my house.

13 comments:

phil said...

what's your position on chocolate lynx?

JahTeh said...

ERK! I do like the bit where the girl in the passing car rips his arm off. I'm a bad person.

hip said...

Never had much luck with chocolate, but then again, I've never tried slappin' it under the pits.

Where the fercack do I use it when I don't shave?

-- Hip de la Black Forest.

Brian Hughes said...

To be honest, the first time I saw that advert I thought he'd turned into a big human shit. In fact, I still reckon he had because women are far more attracted to shits than they are to decent blokes.

River said...

Well at least now I know where my dishes have disappeared to. (and after I'd accused hubby of breaking some, tch tch). Give them a bath and send them on home, ta.
As for the washing, load the machine, have a nap, hang it out. Repeat as often as necessary. You'll end up with naps, fresh air and clean clothes.
Yes, please! why hasn't someone invented body sprays that smell like chocolate? They've done it with creams and lotions. (Palmers cocoa butter formula,lovely stuff)

nailpolishblues said...

No, Brian, it's just a bit hard to tell the difference most of the time.

Buy the biggest box of really quite good chocolates, JahTeh. You know men need all the details spelled out or they really will just present you with a box of crap and expect to be rewarded!

JahTeh said...

If you want to get anywhere with me Hip, you have to smell clean and lemony, a bit like a Bacardi Breezer.

Fleetwood, that's a shocking generalization and a slur on Michelle's taste. I personally would prefer a decent bloke with money, manners, and smelling like a Bacardi Breezer.

JahTeh said...

River, I just hung the washing out and there's nothing like getting slapped in the moosh by a wringing wet doona cover. Stupid north wind.
My men have to smell lemony, very expensive French lemony. Chocolate on a bloke doesn't seem right. Diminishes the delight of chocolate eating somehow.

Nails, you are right, how many would know the difference between the $2 shop and Haig's? Something as important as chocolate should be handled personally.

River said...

Yeah, you're right. Men smelling of chocolate would be wrong. But then I don't think I'd like my men smelling like lemon either. I'd just like them to smell of something clean and fresh, without any obvious fragrance. Maybe a hint of the soap or shampoo they've used.
Women should always buy their own chocolate, that way we get the good stuff that we know we like. The men can supply us with gift vouchers for said chocolate from the stores we've previously told them to visit.

Brian Hughes said...

"Fleetwood, that's a shocking generalization and a slur on Michelle's taste."

Witchy, Michelle's been with me for twenty-five years now. Her taste couldn't possibly be slurred any further.

Jayne said...

Agreed, agreed, agreed, agreed and agreed.
Pass the chocolate and bugger the washing!

JahTeh said...

Fleetwood, she's about due for long service leave so send her to Australia and we'll show her a good time. She'll be safe with us, Oz women bloggers are very responsible and we'll keep her away from Sedgwick.

Jayne, I'm halfway through a bag of snowballs and the washing is in.

Middle Child said...

Lynx does not ever replace a good bit of the old sunlight soap and water...