Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I THINK I'LL GET SICK AGAIN

Well it would be a good move since 'Insanity Central' is gearing up again.
I walked over on Monday, insane move, since I hadn't been out of bed for nearly a week but I had to check the bills and pay the Mastercard.
I was there one hour and wanted to cut myself with a sharp instrument.

Yesterday, the morning phone call was loonier than usual but that could have been me. I'm out of the habit of being woken at 7.15 with,
Mother "Hello, what time is it - answer - I have to go for a piddle".
An hour later at 8.15 I get the second call,
Mother"What time is it?" I look at the clock and realised I've already told her 8.15 at 7.15 out of habit.
Me "You have a clock."
Mother "Yes, but I'm not sure what day it is".

This morning at 8.15, (check both clocks in the bedroom) another "What day is it?"
Me "It's Wednesday, cleaning lady day and if I find out you got up to clean up before the cleaning lady I'll kill you."
Mother "I haven't got any bread."
Me "You didn't have bread on Monday and it's Wednesday. What are you waiting for, the Bread Fairy?"
A long diatribe about the irresponsibility of The BrickOuthouse since he's had a girlfriend follows. It's her fault there's no bread because she doesn't let him get it. I believe there was a lot of screaming after this but I can't be sure.

Phone call at 10 a.m from BrickOutHouse, "Is there money in the bank?" "Is there anything wrong with the ATM card? Has the number been changed?"
Me "Plenty, no, why?"
Mother has mixed up paydays and thinks she's broke until Thursday.
Me "Buy two of f'ing everything and f'ing put one of f'ing everthing in the f'ing freezer!!!!"
BOH "I can't I'm on my way to work, I'll do it later."

Three days I've been back on the job. I have a headache. I lost nearly 6kgs in weight over the past five weeks and the desire to annihilate several Magnum ice-creams and the biggest bag of crisps is creeping up on me. My resolution not to get sucked back into this nightmare is gurgling its way down the nearest toilet.

Don't let anyone ever tell you that swearing doesn't solve anything, it bloody well fucking does.

17 comments:

Ampersand Duck said...

Damn fucking straight. I swear by it.

Brian Hughes said...

Poot! Swearing only helps if you save up the good ones for a special occasion. If you're the sort of person who effs and blinds as though swearwords were common grammar then the immune system gets used to all the cussing and, come the hammer on the thumb moment, the 'fucks' and 'bollocks' don't really work.

R.H. said...

Wooh! Lansakes alive!

This is a new you!

River said...

I never used to swear. Since I've been working for Coles I've been swearing. A lot. Not out loud. Yet.

R.H. said...

Which Coles?

I want to come through your checkout!

JahTeh said...

&Duck, you should take MiLord Hughes advice and save it up for November. It is impossible to get through a 'lady bits' removal without swearing. I've been there.

This really kills me but I agree with you. Sorry I have to go bite my arm for that.

Robbbert, this is the tail end of sick me who's not quite well enough to put up with this crap.

River, that's funny, I swear a lot going through Safeway. If products fall off the shelf I kick them and swear.

Rh, You'll have to travel a long way for the River Service. By the way they're opening an Aldi's at Southland. I hate their stuff, so did the cats. A mass upchuck from four cats can't be ignored.

R.H. said...

If she's good looking I'll hire a Lear Jet.

R.H. said...

My dogs won't eat Aldi dog food, and who'd blame them, even a blowfly wouldn't come at it.

phil said...

Get the fucking magnums already.

Miles McClagan said...

True story - girl at work had this customer, wouldn't leave, the girl was trying to explain the problems with the pension being delayed for 24 hours politely and the customer wouldn't leave...manager came storming out the office and said "Look, your fucking pension isn't in your fucking account so fuck off and stop annoying everyone!" - customer went, oh, thanks for explaining it, and walked out...

Jayne said...

Swearing helps lower your blood pressure and your irresistible urge to strangle the fucker who's shitting you up the wall.
Thousand's of patients are alive today through my ability to swear ;)

River said...

r.h. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You'll have to define your version of good looking. if you're looking for leggy, blue eyed blonde, you'll be disappointed.

R.H. said...

You're under-estimating yourself.
Everyone does it.

JahTeh said...

Phil, Phil, never the 'F' word in front of a Magnum. I just ate the very dark chocolate one with the vanilla centre. It's impossible to swear while eating a Magnum.

Miles, some people have to be hit with a lump of wood instead of a dose of logic.

Jayne, my sister, the nurse, shares your philosophy of life on the wards.

River, watch Rh, his romantic streak can cause knee trembles.

Middle Child said...

I'll tell you how good swearing is... right before don died (was killed) by bRoyal north Shore Hospital's butchers, with his arms tied to the bed, and gagged with a ventilation tube, sick as hell and high as a kite, one bloody bastard nurse went too far and clear as a bell we didn't hear but saw "Fuck off" explode in a breath he didn't have acfross the room even under torture hew made us all laugh swearing is good therapy.

JahTeh said...

Therese, I bet he said it quiet a few times and I bet it echoed in their skull, not that it would have done any good with the morons you had in that hospital.

Ann O'Dyne said...

Dear Coppy,

SIX kgs !? fanfkntastic.

I have read from the divorce-file post down to here, and it's great to be back.
I have MISSED all this.
The comments here are as good a value as the posting too.
Pants drove her new Forester for miles yesterday to collect me from Bunkers Hill and bring me back to Warncoort and an ISP!
I will spend all day going round the bloggers I have missed.