Thursday, October 23, 2008


Morning phone call with demand. "You'll have to get some toilet rolls and bring them round, I'm having visitors." There was a slight pause while the steam vented through my ears. I bought 18 toilet rolls last Thursday and with the one in the cupboard, that made 19. There are two people living in the house and one visitor. Nobody gets through 19 toilets rolls in a week. Do you think that didn't start the day off peachy! She's hidden them, I know she has, alternatively they've fallen to the side of the pantry where she forgets to open the door. In any case I wasn't buying anymore so she goes to Plan B, ring my sister who takes some over.

I'm still in the dark hole from the weekend but it's getting shallow and light is beginning to shine from the outside in.

I was invited to an anniversary party on Sunday. The theme is science fiction since we're all sci-fi buffs. This mob go all out for costume parties and I didn't bother the first time I went and felt like an overdressed lady at a nudist convention. Suggestions were flying about, StarWars was big and someone suggested that with my hair I'd be great as Princess Leia. I'm thinking more along the lines of Jabba the Hut and wondering where I could buy a tiny Princess Leia on a chain to hang round my wrist.

By Monday night, I'm vowing never to go anywhere again but got a terrific idea for a costume. I can do this, I can go to this party even if it's the day we bury her. I get to Southland, still yes/no-ing and wander into Lincraft and there was the great omen that said "Cinders, you will go to the Ball". Beautiful sky blue gauze printed all over with golden stars (very Barbara Cartland) and just what I had in mind. The jewellery shop had a sale, blue and white crystal bracelets. OMG, a star tiara is born. I haven't had an excuse for making a tiara for years. The gold sandals I already have. The Oroton ritzy-ditzy necklace with the pearls and diamonds will get an outing. I'm half-way there I tell you.

So dear readers, what am I going as? Give up, too subtle. Let me give you a clue.
"Once upon a time, in a GALAXY far far away"
I'm too small to be a Universe, too large to be a constellation but a GALAXY is just right.

Now let's hope the scrap of paper I wrote my email address on isn't sucked into a black hole and my galatic presence forgets to be invited.


Brian Hughes said...

"Nobody gets through 19 toilets rolls in a week."

Depends what you're doing with 'em.

JahTeh said...

Fleetwood, she's hiding them in case she runs out and now she has because she's hiding them.

Ann O'Dyne said...

oh god why am I laughing fer chrissakes.

(from an s-bend far far away)

JahTeh said...

Jeebus will someone tell me why I have a comments section like this? No-one else has it.

JahTeh said...

Joy, LexiconHarlot has the same thing. Blogger is not out to get me.

Brian Hughes said...


My comments boxes have suddenly changed as well, without so much as by my leave. I reckon it's putting people off commenting too...or it's giving them a good excuse not to. Either way my usual suspects all seem to have vanished.

Jayne said...

What is this bloody obsession with dunny paper?! The Spouse's grandmother from Hell has so many rolls of the damn stuff it is literally piled up the walls to the ceiling in 2 spare rooms!

Dunno what's happening with your comments but it's probably Blogger having a hissy again.

Anonymous said...

Old people are fixated on their bottoms. Either it's not coming out, or it's coming out too fast, or there's not enough loo roll or there's no spray... What happened to these people as children that they have to live with huge supplies of bog roll and laxatives?!

Anyway, I think you'll make a MARVELLOUS galaxy. Better than being (in) a black hole.

(your doorbitch is saying 'skintete', which is the last thing you probably want to wear)

&Duck (using another's computer)

R.H. said...

What happened to them as children is they had to use newspaper. If they run out of the modern stuff nowadays and have to go back to it in an emergency then they'll go straight out afterwards and buy about two hundred rolls of sorbent. It only needs to happen once.

River said...

I go a bit nuts with the toilet paper too. When the good stuff is on special I tend to buy about five or six 12 roll packs at a time. But then I don't buy any more until I'm down to about four rolls. Some of my customers go a bit overboard. I've had one a while back buy ten 18 roll packs. It's possible she has a restaurant I suppose...Or a heck of a lot of kids.

Brian Hughes said...


I had a word with the people who run Blogger and they've put the comments boxes back the way they word. It's amazing what threatening someone with a cricket bat can do.

JahTeh said...

Fleetwood, why worry about terrorists when Blogger is intent on ruling the world. I am in awe of your cricket bat.

Jayne, Rh is right, once you've had to use newspaper or that slippery shiny stuff, a soft paper roll is luxury. Especially if you had to use it in a backyard dunny with no lights and hot and cold running spiders.

&duck, I've decided against the star tiara and my hair will be free and teased out to the Heavens, covered in gold sparkle spray as though the solar winds have been at play. I hearby apologise for the disintegration of the ozone layer and the Goddess help anyone who lights up a smoke near me.

River, is it just me or do all the brands not have a small pack of four anymore? I used to be able to buy a big pack and just top it up but now it's the large or nothing.

Brian Hughes said...

"I am in awe of your cricket bat."

You ought to see my middle wicket.