Sunday, December 28, 2008


How many times have I heard that and do I ever check the goods before I leave the shop, no.

I rely on honest and reliable salespeople.

I am an idiot.

When I unpacked the new DVD player today there is no remote control or instruction book.

There'll be a phone call in the morning though.

I'm desperate. I was halfway through the first episode of the first series of Stargate SG1 when my very old DVD died.

My fault, I did ask what else could go wrong.


Andrew said...

Get off arse, turn on machine, insert dvd, press play. For the price you paid, you expect a remote and instructions too?

anodyne Brownie said...

oh dear he is still crabby from his day at the beach ... but of course he is right.

R.H. said...

I'm getting her a motorised wheelchair -to use indoors.

Funk chick Miss Copper
As a woman she's a whopper
As a blogger you can't stop her
Hey ho the wind and the rain.

(fucked up a bit with that last line)

R.H. said...

Hi there, I've been in The Love Lounge: Magic 1278 ("I've got your picture, he's got you"). Meanwhile my agents tell me there'll be a blog grog guzzle going on in Bendigo soon. Good Grief. Well I know a birdie up there in the suburb of Flora Hill. Sexy Beryl, that's her name, living in a little court with neat nature strips -except for hers, where the grass is a metre high. Beryl's parents were killed in a head-on collision about twenty years ago whilst returning to their apple orchard in Harcourt. She and her camp brother got all the dough, which is administered by the State Trustees. Bloody Scrooges. Aye, sidewhiskered worthies from the 19th century, eating and shitting finance. "Sorry, we aim for interest on interest, you're having nothing more this month."
Beryl had a collision with schizophrenia while a student at LaTrobe University, back when her parents were still alive. She's the girl I wrote about here last Christmas, playing piano in a mental ward while Mad Lance was pissing in it to stop her. Yes. And how futile, as Beryl in her world of song played on.

Anecdotes from the Human Condition.

Jayne said...

What Hot DrewAn said!
Or stand on one leg on the south side of your roof with a sheet of tin foil in your left hand and a Bloody Mary in the other during a northerly wind blast....

State Trustees are fucking blood-sucking vampire c&nts who'll drain everyone's trust/bank account dry to the last cent while awarding themselves an undeserved pay increase, parties with rivers of booze and holidays of note, Robert.

River said...

Did you buy this item in a supermarket? Big No-No. They're always the cheapest imports. Was the box completely sealed? Take it back and either get your money back or get a replacement.

R.H. said...

Today is another day and I really am astonished at those comments I made. I feel responsible too for the cuss words from Lady Jayne which have given me a shock that may become permanent.

JahTeh said...

Andrew, I need instructions to open the box besides I'd already paid for the remote and all the cables and the instruction book. There was a pleasant lot of grovelling going on when I got there. Never mind the teenytiny buttons that I can't read anyway.

Annie O, guess who was going to be getting off the arse? I'm looking at you, Boggart.

Robbert, your rep as a poet went down a degree there.
Will the invisible man journey to Bendigo?

Jayne, I paid for all components and didn't get them which is what pissed me off.

River, Retrovision store and it wasn't exactly overcrowded so no excuse for not giving me everything.

Friends are having a battle with Trustees at the moment over settlement of an estate and they won't tell them just how much money is coming or when so I presume it's invested in the short term money market.

JahTeh said...

Rh, Jayne needs no encouragement for indulging in cuss words. It's one of life's inexpensive pleasures.

R.H. said...

The State Trustees are determined that my biographical subject will end up on a slab with all his dough under their lino. Whenever he tries to get a little bundle from them they run screaming to his gangster psychiatrist, or to his tightarse horde of latte social workers who of course have firm views on how much lesser souls need to live on. These bastards of people, psychiatrists and social workers, are evidence of what Popov said way back in the 1950s: the object is to punish the mentally ill, not to cure them. And it's true, after years of sedation and sweet talk my biographical subject -once a dynamo of rebellion and action, is now a broken man. "ooooh yes," he says "it's none of their business, and I'll tell them that Bob, but can I say you said it?"

Good heavens. What a baby.
And what a man he once was.

Lad Litter said...

Our TV and DVD were purchased from the supermarket. Entry level equipment is what I like to call it.

Maria said...

Gee, and Mr Coffee got all upset when he bought a cheap paperback at an outlet store and only when he got home did he realise a little of the gold embossing on the title had come off.

"I usually check it so well!" he moaned.

He'd be climbing the walls if he came back and there were no instructions and no remote!

Besides, to some people the whole POINT of electronic goods is the remote. They'll be selling electronic wristwatches with remotes soon, I'm sure, if they're not already doing it.

Maria said...

Oh, and remotes with remotes, too, of course.

R.H. said...



I'm so sorry to be making so many comments now but I have to hurry, next year I'm certified sane.

Loving you my whole life through.

Andrew said...

Lol at Ann and Jayne.

JahTeh said...

Andrew dearest, wiped the beach drool from your chin yet?

Maria, I'm with Mr Coffee. I don't care if it's a bargain, I want it in pristine condition. I spent years and years jumping up to change channels so my love affair with the remote just grows stronger as I grow older.

LL, my entertainment centre consists of one 20 year old teev hooked up and run through the VCR and one 15 year old teev hooked up to the DVD. It works very well but I still have to get up and turn them off.

Robbert, that reads suspiciously like HipHop. Surely you haven't sunk so low?
Have a Happy New Year.

Andrew said...

I am satisfied for a time at my participation in real life.

R.H. said...

Sunk? What's the matter with you, what's wrong with humouring the kids (and besides, they've got all the dough).

R.H. said...

I'm the guy who didn't marry Miss Brownie.

R.H. said...

Tonite at 11:55 pm I will be performing the above Hip Hop in Federation Square.
On the other hand, if I receive the sum of $10,000 in the meantime I will not be performing it at all.


Suit yourselves.

But remember, a good deed done for others is a deed done for yourself. And: it is better to give than receive (which is why I am monosexual).


Thank you.


R.H. said...

Posthumous award to Miss Carolyn who introduced the toasted cheese sandwich to NSW hicks (what reckless behaviour) and whose postings were probably better than she thinks.

R.H. said...


You will have a happy new year, be assured. I have put in the order and it has been received.



JahTeh said...

Robberto Mah Man, I would pay to see you HipHop all over Federation Square but I have a sneaking suspicion that you'd be still tired from following the Misses Hilton around.
As if we don't have enough of our own trollops, we invite more.

R.H. said...

If 'Paris' Hilton is good looking ideas of beauty are up the creek. She has a crooked face with a meat cleaver nose, and being thin doesn't suit her.

R.H. said...

Old Hilton himself had a few brains.

You have to wonder what happened.

JahTeh said...

Rh, always check out her feet, she wears size 10 shoes.

Middle Child said...

Now I wonder what happened to the remote etc...maybe some little child in China figured out some way to stuff up and get revenge on the factory owners...have to hope so...anyway because then there'd be a meaning for the mysterious disappeaances of things like this...