Monday, March 02, 2009


Today's the 2nd which means a birthday on the 6th. She keeps telling everyone she's made it to 80. I'll tell her on Friday, she's only 79. The shock could carry her off. Who am I kidding? Ma and cockroaches will fight it out to the end.

After my battles with Telstra. Bye Sol, make sure the door hits you in the arse as you leave. With your millions. Bastard. Where was I, battles. This time with AGL and Ma's $612 gas bill which meant a call to the Peter Sellers Memorial Call Centre.
The good news is, they overcharged $95 on the last bill. The bad news is, due to some computer glitch, LAST JUNE, the direct debit was cancelled and not by me.

Also last June, there was a glitch with the bank and a statement wasn't sent out. I found a print out which I got over the counter at the National Arsehole Bastards, Southland branch. I was ill for most of July and August so the double checking of accounts was a bit slack.

But how did AGL let this account go until February without asking for the money? And why didn't they check the cancellation of a direct debit for gas when the direct debit for AGL electricity was still going through?

Talk about multi-tasking. I had all the gas accounts in order and the other hand was trying to find the bank statements for yelling ammunition and the other hand was full of phonely accented gentleman telling me I was wrong. Bad day to do that, what with Ma in full "I'll do whatever I want to even if I fall down and break something doing it" mode. AGL are sending another account and it better be right.

Also in the news. I had to turn down a wedding invitation in England, Hindu and English ceremonies and carriages for the guests to go to the receptions. That hurt. A man asked me out for coffee. That astounded me. I carried another 20 scoria rocks safely, walked inside and dropped a kitchen table on my foot. The same foot that copped a brass clock two days ago, not the foot that got pronged with a branch. Nothing unusual there.


River said...

Obviously AGL has outsourced it's accounts to some non-english speaking country who haven't yet discovered direct debit. Or something.
Today is the second, so that means a birthday...wait for it...TODAY. My baby boy is 28 today.
Let your mum think she's 80. If she's hanging on for 100, you'll see the end of her a whole year sooner...

Andrew said...

Man asked you out and you said no. I suppose both you and I have a right to be choosy! I suppose........

Ampersand Duck said...

They don't call it March for nothing. I'm happy, I hate February with a passion. Nothing good ever happens in February. This year was a doozie, wasn't it?

JahTeh said...

River, it could have been the bank's computer talking to AGL's computer since they both had a glitch at the same time but to let the bill get that high without a notice is just ridiculous.

Isn't it wonderful that no matter how old they are, they're always your baby boy.

Andrew, I was like a stunned mullet, frozen in the headlights like a kangaroo, after all these years a bloke asks me out. I didn't say yes but I didn't say no either, I just went into shock and it was a very bad week to ask me even for coffee.

It was a doozie, &duck and I never thought I'd look forward to pouring rain in winter. A reporter said this morning that we need 30 to 40 mm of rain to douse the fires.

Jayne said...

AGL and I have a love/hate relationship - I love to hate the mongrels who screw up every second month and try to blame my Dad, Dept Vet Affairs, Centrelink and the Moon in transit of Venus.

Brian Hughes said...

"I found a print out which I got over the counter at the National Arsehole Bastards, Southland branch."

I bank with the northern branch of that particular institution.

River said...

I avoid the NAB as much as I possibly can. There's been too many TV stories about how they rip off their customers, even down to skimming accounts and raising fees on things without informing account holders. Unfortunately my landlord banks with them, so I have to go in to my local branch every fortnight to pay my rent.

Lord Sedgwick said...


I blame the Grade 2 reader and them thar "Creep, creep, creeping" Hobyahs.

R.H. said...

Well how's this, my biographical subject got his internet cut off, but he'd paid on time; he had receipts, from the Commonwealth bank. But the internet people hadn't got it, they hadn't received the dough. So off we went to the Commonwealth, Northcote Plaza, and got treated like film stars, no kidding. A little brunette got us into a room, it seems the bank had buggered up. She made lots of phone calls, hanging on for ages, she rang the internet place as well and got him reconnected. What a doll. Well she was about twenty-five, dark hair and dark lippy, rather solid but nice proportion. (Said "bloody" too, on the phone.) I wish I was young again, that's all. And so we left, my biographical subject bouyant, elated, wanting a look at the jewellery shop because the woman there has big tits. "Oh?" I said, and so we stood at the window looking in. I was disappointed. And rather furious. Well let's just say she wasn't young, and the tits were ordinary. I gave him a slap on the head, the idiot.

Ozfemme said...

My mother turns 80 tomorrow.
Last night, over dinner, she said, more than once "Oh, I don't want to be 80!"

I couldn't help but think she might be tempting fate.

Word verification: dinse


Ozfemme said...

And another thing... of course you must go for coffee. Every time you are invited.

Sorry to hear about your foot(s)
Perhaps it would be better if you simply stopped outdoors?


JahTeh said...

Jayne, since the gas account is usually 60 days and it hasn't been paid for 3 times that then you'd have thought someone would have picked it up. I won't change suppliers though, TXU was a bigger stuff-up than AGL.

Brian, it's a mongrel of a bank. It wouldn't even let me have another cheque book because Mum's is a pensioner account and didn't write enough cheques. Suits me, I just deposit the money in her other bank account which has a cheque book.

River, I usually go over the statement and write what the amount was for and I just didn't look at the direct debits. She's had them for ten years so who thought they'd stuff it up now. I've still got my money on the bank as the culprit.

Robbert, beware of banks bearing friendliness, trust no-one.
Shame about the ordinary tits, it never pays to disappoint an expert.

I can beat that Bella, my mother is now denying that she has an identical twin sister who's also been around for 79 years.
I have to go outside otherwise it's like a scene from Alfred Hitchcock with the beady eyed beaks and feather brigade sitting on the line staring in the kitchen window. You can feel the vibes, feed us or we'll get you.

phil said...

..and in other news...?

Oh love the word verification:


And so saying, they did.