Thursday, June 25, 2009

I ALWAYS LAUGHED AT THE THOUGHT OF A BARBED WIRE CANOE

I'm still sorting out stories and no-one has officially gone to each house and said it was safe to turn on pilot lights etc.

It was about this time last year that I blogged about the idiot down the back who has built a garage and concreted over the big sewerage easement. That time the SE water bloke told me that 20 houses were affected including mum's. Obviously they didn't follow through and do something about the drains. There were diggers everywhere and holes in the footpath but at least traffic was flowing so my taxi could get through.

I did find out that it wasn't the kitchen sink that overflowed in the 'detested neighbour of 50 years' house. Her toilet exploded with considerable force showering shite a considerable distance. Mother is still sniggering.

The Gas person overseeing the evacuation took several steps back as my sister lobbed 'F bombs' in my mother's direction when she wouldn't get in the wheelchair without her necessities, none of which were.

In Aunt Patty's opinion, sister should have gone back and got dry clothes for mother even with the imminent danger of explosion. That has not gone down well with mother who is still singing the praises of glorious daughters. I get a guernsey here because I bought her a new night dress today...with her money.

Aunt Patty went stuck her foot further in her big mouth by telling mother that the government are taking money off obese people so I'll lose because I'm obese. I haven't got to the bottom of that piece of crap (sorry, it's on my mind) so disregard until mother says Aunt Patty would be broke if the government started taking money from ugly people.

Mommie Dearest, sometimes you make my heart sing.

Sometimes.

8 comments:

Brian Hughes said...

"Obviously they didn't follow through..."

Again, another excellent choice of words.

antikva said...

Such fun in the ole neighbourhood! and I missed it :D

Nah, they're going to give people money to lose weight is the article I read. So that means all the skinny witches will be moaning about how unfair it is and how it costs more to be skinny minis and they deserve it more *g*

I don't care, I'm a rock star, I got my rock moves... heh.

Jayne said...

As Ted would say "Pickle me grandmother" - exploding dunnys!
Bugger bloody Turnbull off the news, I want to see the porcelain throne hit the heights!

Ozfemme said...

"mother says Aunt Patty would be broke if the government started taking money from ugly people"

...and now I have to clean the drink that came out of my nose off the keyboard...

Here's to hearts that sing, Coppy.

Tee hee....

Ann oDyne said...

oh.
dear.
god.
dear Coppy.

(surely the council would not have approved the building permit application for that garage on the slab over the sewerage easement?)

JahTeh said...

I tells ya, Fleety, when your mind gets in a rut it stays there.

Antikva, finally caught up with that news. They're going to fund fatties for gym memberships to cut the cost of medical bills.
Hahahahaha, what about the gym injuries? What about Antikva who could fall down the steps getting into the gym? Are they going to fund my googles, snorkel and flippers for my water aerobics since fat don't float, it sinks.

Jeebus Jayne, it could have been mother's. The guy in charge walked in, lifted the toilet lid and yelled 'everybody out NOW' (shut up Fleetwood) because the gas had built up.

Bella, my sister had her for two hours and by that time she was ready to take her home, sit her on the toilet and light a cigar for her.

Bwca, it started out as a carport and he's also planted Acer trees and you know how the roots of those love to go for water. There's one drainage hole in the cement drive so that's a leaf trap.
Ma's happy she had the presence of mind to nick out one night and dispose of the liquid amber before he moved in. One of the trees has a scoria rock embedded in the trunk about 6 inches off the ground.

River said...

ObviouslMommie Dearest is a little more "there" than she'd like people to believe.

Middle Child said...

Ugly you can't cure...I had a schoolmate once...and she went on this huge diet...but she was still ugly..just only skinny ugly...