Wednesday, December 16, 2009


"Or else", it would be or else but I can't think of anything to do to youse lot that you haven't already done to yourself or will do before JollyRedFatSuit comes visiting.

Wonderwoman has officially given in and is going to the doctor's tomorrow. I think I might be ill.
At least a little bit crook. Nothing serious although the thought of breakfast isn't making me gallop out of bed straight for the fridge which for me, is kind of serious. I can't seem to make it upright for about an hour after I wake up which is about 15 minutes after I figure out what day it is and whether I have to get up.

I would like sympathy, plenty of it. I've gone off chocolate. I don't feel like having a Bombay and tonic. I'm supposed to shop tomorrow as well but looking in the fridge, I'm wondering what I ate for the last two weeks. Toast, I think, given how many bread wrappers were used as garbage bags. And the peanut butter jar is empty but the jam jar is full. If the jam jar is full, I haven't eaten any croissants. I found a mince pie in the Christmas tin and I bought those last pay day.

It might be all in my head but I can't take a chance this close to the annual pig-out day. Writing that made me feel ill.

Never mind the sympathy, send bukkits.


Frank said...

Sorry you're feeling poorly - hope you're better soon.

Andrew said...

Too much tonic in your gin and don't let it sit until the ice starts to melt. You are safe from malaria where you live.

Brian Hughes said...

I'm pating the cat on the head and pretending it's you.

Loquat Love said...

You need Loquat Love.

Here is some testimonials:

I had rejection after rejection for my poetry. Then I tried Loquat Love and got all sorts of shit published. Loquat Love is the best thing that ever happened to me, apart from menopause.
-Alison Grogon.

I moved from the UK to Australia looking for romance, I hunted under every bush and tractor for a dirty old man (I know their haunts) but they all scurried away. Then I heard about Loquat Love. Well I admit I was sceptical, but after just one tablet I am now sitting at a candle-lit dinner with a table full of vagrants. It works! Loquat love works! Since taking Loquat Love I've also had my book -The Way of the Pear- published, and am now working on a much more important book: The Way of the Loquat.
Thank you Loquat Love!
-Miz Panz.

Being a woman not unaccustomed to the attentions of MEN and their split infinitives my interest in Loquat Love was more in the cerebral way of matters as I sought to put a bit more punch into my reviews. And it worked! Good heavens! One tablet and I was being compared (more than favourably mind you) with Ruskin and Leavis. (Que???)
So thank you Loquat Love, although I think half a tablet would have been sufficent, my increased bust seems to have intensified the amours of Les Murray and his definite article -As well as some old professors who shall remain anonymous. But never mind, good writing is shameless.
-Pavlovs Cock.

Hurry, buy Loquat Love now, the fruit on thiss rare tree is almost finished.
Hurry Hurry Hurry. Free to the next 1000 customers: x-ray spectacles.
Boy, the fun you'll have with them!

Loquat Love. $99.99 for 200 tablets. (Work it out! Fifty cents each!)

JahTeh said...

Thank you Frank, it's ironic that my mother is actually feeling better than I am.

Andrew, do you think it might be better if I switched to soda water?
I couldn't get a better brand of gin.

Fleetwood, I commend you on your restraint. You refrained from doing a 'Mrs. Slocombe' in that comment.

Loquat Love indeed, Robbbert I know that's you!

Loquat Love said...

Dear Madam, we are an honest company: we are not RH. Unless you want to end up in cort.

-Loquat Love!

$99.99 for 200 tablets.


Jayne said...

J, buy gatorade or some other sports drink with electrolytes.
Glad you're seeing your gp.
Please look after yourself.

Ampersand Duck said...

Try this

[I hope that link worked]

Kath Lockett said...

Jah Teh I think I had something similar all last week and only just felt 'normal' (in the loosest possible sense of the word) yesterday.

Of course the doctor said 'there's a bug going around' but Sapphire had it too - nauseau, dizziness and total, utter and extreme lethargy. Kind of like a hangover but minus the frivolity of the night before. Just rest and soon it will 'go around' to someone else; preferably someone you don't like!

River said...

Oh no! This is not good. Do you need me to come hold your hand? Mop your brow? Plump your pillows? I could bring you a nice cup of tea or a bowl of freshly made chicken soup? You know I would if I could only get there....
What did the doctor say?
Cuddles, because hugs might be too much while you're not well.

River said...

Kath's description sounds suspiciously like something I had a couple of weeks ago, only lasted for a day, and I worked through the morning so that took my mind off it, when I got home a 10:30 that day I went straight to sleep and only woke up in time for dinner. Back to normal the next morning.

JahTeh said...

LL, I'd rather spend $99.99 on performing boys.

Jayne, I know it sound terrible but all I feel like is Sprite lemonade with lots of ice. Usually I can't stand the stuff.

I will try that link, thank you Duckie. I must say that I've had awful trouble getting your blog to load, my screen freezes and more or less tells me to piss off and try someone else.

Kath, in all my weariness I still trawled miles looking for those Lindor balls and couldn't find the Christmas packs. I couldn't even find the Christmas lolly mix which is my dark secret of shame, I love it.

River, no need to trouble yourself, just send Tiger, he's a whizz at all that bed and hugging stuff.

River said...

Tiger? Do you mean Tiger Woods? Erk. Would you really want him after all those floozies?