Saturday, November 27, 2010

How embarrassment!

I really shouldn't be allowed out on my own.
I managed to vote and confuse the card handouters by saying I was swinging until I actually had the pencil in my hand.
VoteRage was close as the silly tart in the booth next to me asked her husband to make sure she'd filled the ballot out correctly. I nearly screamed 'It's the 21st century you imbecile, women have died for that vote you can't cast without a bloke around!'
I calmed down after an egg and bacon roll and a think about how many elections I've been to at this school and let the memories wander around. I didn't see anyone I knew but then these days I can't remember their names anyway.
So being halfway to the bus I continued in the interest of exercise and the promise of cake. I do have to incentive myself. (shuttup, I know it's not grammah)
Bus to Mentone, accomplished.
Bus to Southland, accomplished.
Shock at crappy Christmas decorations and prices for presents. I keep forgetting that not everyone is a pensioner and has money to spend.
Check every five minutes that I still have my umbrella and no-one has nicked my purse which has the cake money in it.
Find two pairs of silver thongs on special at KMart and a box of chocolates.
Have ice coffee and cake, loving the sitting down right in front of the cake display.
Down the elevator to the bus stop with the ticket still in time.
Thank Crispin there aren't too many people around to see me drop the bloody umbrella and fall flat on my face off the bench as I bent to pick it up.
Do the usual crawl and lift my lardarse back on the bench.
Decide not to catch the bus and walk home.
Walk to the taxi rank and get drenched in a shower, forget I have umbrella.
Lovely, taxi is there.
Not lovely taxi is wheel chair cab.
Do my impression of Tarzan and throw myself into the back.
Home in time to miss teeming rain which would have drowned me if I'd caught the bus.
The thongs are from the Goldilocks range, one pair is just a little too big, the other pair is just a weeny bit small. Christmas is Crap.


Kath Lockett said...

...and I'm laughing. WITH you of course, not at you.

Jayne said...

Thank Baby Santa Grilled Cheezus you didn't damage your sense of humour ;)
I trust the chocolates were 'just right' ?

River said...

Laugh out loud!
Next time try on thongs before buying.
Still giggling.
I do the lean over and fall thing too. Once I bend my back, I lose my balance, have for several years now, so instead of bending or leaning I just go straight to down on my knees when I need to pick things up off the floor or ground.

Andrew said...

We had egg and bacon rolls today. Ok, not earth shattering.

Who said something about Jahteh in a thong? I'd like to see that.

Middle Child said...

What Kath Lockett says -sounds like some of my days sans buses - we don't have many - and living out of town a car is a need not a want - I love egg and bacon rolls

Lord Sedgwick said...

"The thongs are from the Goldilocks range, one pair is just a little too big, the other pair is just a weeny bit small. Christmas is Crap. "

What are you doing wearing thongs?!

What's wrong with 58DD Cottontails?

R.H. said...

Someone said no bloke his age looks as good as Teddy boy in a pair of Speedos. But that's the state championship. T Abbott is Mr Universe at national level and there's no one to take either of them on. The Emu ("Wuurrk choyyces") -no tits and a huge arse can't look good in anything.
I notice the she was locked in her dressing room during squeaky toy Brumbles campaign. What a surprise (ha ha).
Well there are one or two things I agree with her on, and that's the dilemma in politics, you need something for everyone. Meanwhile if you want to know why the Laybore Party stink among wage earners take a look at the Broadmeadows reception.
Golly, what a stylised, tittering, mummy-shops-at-Myers load of shitheads!

Let's Do Lunch Inc.

R.H. said...

The Democrats who stabbed workers in the back with the GST are now called the Greens. Same people. Same diet. All someone like RH in his little wooden house can expect is a lecture on hygiene and thrift.
Get fucked. Carrot cake is just another name for mystique. You need an arts degree to eat it.

Aspen, Colorado.

JahTeh said...

Kath, I was hoping someone like you would wander past pick up stick for large litter.

Jayne, I found the chocolates this morning. I must have really been in shock.

River, the knees, remember, are not mine, they belong to BHP and it hurts even when someone just mentions 'down on my knees'.

Andrew, mine was delicious and if you're not careful you'll be getting an autographed photo for Christmas.

Therese, there are times when I put my vegetarian label in my back pocket and egg and bacon roll on election day is one of those times.

MiLord I would wear them if you'd stop buying them and leaving none for me.

Robbert, it was Meg Lees who stabbed us in the back without most Democrats approval and where's she now? Stop watching election results, it's depressing and makes me want to eat carrot cake but only with cream cheese icing. There, now you've ruined my diet.

R.H. said...

You're right, I shouldn't upset myself.