I have a virus.
I think it might be the Wiccan creed of 'Do no Harm' since the violence I've hurled at Telstra in the last 10 days has come back threefold in the virus from Hell.
I am now back with dear old Optusnet, but I didn't go as far as returning to dial-up.
Thank you to the 16 year old nerd at Dick Smith/Tandy Southland who analysed my internet usage and told me exactly what I needed and an hour later I was back on line.
I've hardly been near the computer since, snot is so unpleasant sprayed on a screen. You can almost see the virus spreading.
In the words of that megolomaniacal pipe chewing yankie General, I will return.