Sunday, January 23, 2011

Involuntary self-harm

This is where you don't use a razor blade to slice up an arm or stick large pins into limbs.
It's involuntary doing stupid things like falling over because the mind is too full of other people's demands.
It's getting a diabetes result and wanting to kill for a MacDonalds hamburger that you haven't eaten in years.
It's hearing the word 'diet' and 'for life' and then buying up every bucket of ice-cream that is suddenly reduced to half price.
It's avoiding the chocolate aisle only to find it's moved and you're surrounded by everything that is delicious and like a crack addict, you fill the trolley.

It's avoiding Baker's Delight only to have apple cake delivered to your mouth for afternoon tea at the nursing home.
It's being woken by the cat and not going back to sleep so you wander round for the papers and the guy in front of you is getting coffee and you automatically order a cappuccino, no sugar but the fresh yo-yo's sing a siren's song and you're sitting at a table under a gum tree and not missing one crumb.

I'm beginning to think I ran over my foot to avoid exercise.

And more on the way. AGL stole $18 out of my account in the dead of night after already taking out the direct debits for the correct amount on the correct day. When I deal with them tomorrow, there will be self harm, there will be cake, there will be chocolate and there will be blood on the phone.

To me, the mere mention of diet causes self harm. My brain shuts down and sulks. It sulked for weeks when I decided to go vegetarian. Do you know it takes a month for the innards to be re-jigged for vegetables without meat? It takes years for the brain to be re-jigged for no chocolate, believe me.

So I'm sitting here with an ice coffee, arm hurting as the Tetanus shot battles it out with the macrophages, toe's still wrapped like a half hearted Egyptian mummy, knees still hurting from 3 weeks ago and not wishing I had a body like Elle since that seems like too much hard work and hunger but I have great wisdom instead.

Two gin and tonics make me fall over twice as much. How much more do you need to know of life?

15 comments:

Lord Sedgwick said...

"not wishing I had a body like Elle"

Cellulite or brain cells?

Cellulite or Elle's brains?

Not a choice.

River said...

Self harm via chocolate. Hmmm.
I hadn't wanted any chocolate for weeks, since the gastro. I was eating steak and veg instead.
Then I read Kath Chockett's post about Whittakers Peanut slabs.
And I HAD TO HAVE ONE.
Now of course, there's another one still in the fridge and two bags of mini picnics too. Well, they were on special.....
I was a good girl and had a huge salad for dinner today though.

Ann O'Dyne said...

oh dear Coppy - never envy Eleanor*Gow. Accidentally blessed with luxuriant hair and long thighbones, she does workout for hours every day when not at rehab.
Liz Hurley has said herself that breakfast is only hot water.
It is not very glamorous being glamorous.

Sugar is deadly stuff.
sending you a big HUG for encouragement.

Jayne said...

You've disproved Kate Moss's silly statement of "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels".
Chocolate tastes WAAAAAY better!

Kath Lockett said...

Lord Sedgwick, River, Ann O and Jayne have said it best. Eat and smile.

JahTeh said...

MiLord, at least, even with her lousy taste in men, she has never stooped to sexting Warnie so there must be one brain cell operating.

River, how could you, I love mini picnics but you're right, if they're on special it's a sin to leave them.

Annie O, hard work and hot water for breakfast would kill me faster than the flab. I've eaten so many licorice allsorts I've forgotten which brand was the best and the paper said yesterday that licorice was good for you, just forget the lolly bits holding the licorice together.

Jayne, goes to show what comes out of a gob that hasn't had a decent meal in years.

Right, Kath, and your cholesterol reading for this week was? Leave a comment when the ice-cream post on Gone Chocco is way down the list.

R.H. said...

When the cake shops have closed
And lolly wrappers flutter
Down empty streets
Wherein boney dames fold
Blue from the cold
We'll take the last train home
Big Woman!

-Lord Rochester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelly & Sam Pilgrim-Byrne said...

JT, it's hard. REALLY hard, but you have to change your thinking before you will change your cravings. If indeed that's what you want to do.
Our love is with you.

JahTeh said...

Thank you Lord Rochester the Restoration Rake.

Girls, I read an article by a woman who lost a huge amount of weight but couldn't shift the last of it. She came to the conclusion that she'd lost her core balance in life and needed to re-assess and once she calmed down and de-stressed the weight fell away. I'd like to link to the article but I can't remember where I read it.
It's logical though, my stress level is decreasing, BSL is still over the limit but stable without the tablets and I have lost a very small amount of weight so another month should see if everything is working.

Jayne said...

I blame you for the licorice all sorts binge I indulged in 40 mins ago... lol.

Lord Sedgwick said...

"I blame you for the licorice all sorts binge I indulged in 40 mins ago"

OTOH I indulged 40 years ago when it was branded "Nigger boy licorice."

Am I a bad boy Sambo?

Kelly & Sam Pilgrim-Byrne said...

Good to hear it, JT (that your stress level is decreasing that is!)

JahTeh said...

I blame you Jayne for reminding me I have half a bag left in the cupboard. I might have to chew on my arm to forget what I just remembered.

MiLord, racist licorice? I only remember ChooChoo bars. Didn't they have a golliwog in a train on the front of the wrapping. It was blue wrapping.

Girls, my stress level decreases as my linen cupboard gets tidier. I'll be comatose by the time the pantry is decluttered.

Lord Sedgwick said...

racist licorice?

Middle Child said...

Make mine de bertolli's columbard Chardonaay - you have all the wisdom of the ages in that one last sentence