Monday, January 17, 2011

Yea, I got an A+++

No, my glucose level is still 8.6.

No, my weight hasn't moved a gram in four weeks.

This is for my bandaging skilz.

Big toe on the left foot. Difficult job.

I was viciously attacked by a rogue wheeli bin that surgically removed my toenail except for the tiny shred of skin in a corner.

Yes, I thought to myself, that hurt.

Looks down to see a nice pooling of blood at the scene of the crime.

Now this is where having an untidy house comes in handy, I know where everything is because I haven't put it away yet.

So next to my chair is a sterile dressing in case the BrickOutHouse needed it.

On my head is a towell because I'd just washed my hair so that goes on the floor.

Get tape from bathroom, sterile wipes, check pulse, still alive.

Wrap it all neatly and securely after removing nail. Ring doctor, ring BrickOutHouse who yells a lot and then recline gracefully on bed until appointment for tetanus shot.

But doctor and dressing nurse very impressed with sterility of wound. Didn't give me a jelly bean though.

11 comments:

Jayne said...

I hear there's a carrot stick with your name on it, J.
I know, I know - those wild and exotic treats will turn your head...

JahTeh said...

Jayne, it's licorice allsorts, I'm craving them, I don't want chocolate but if you've got licorice I'm on my way. Now chocolate coated licorice ice-cream, I'm wondering how that would taste.

Jayne said...

From memory of the old American Maid Ice cream parlour in Camberwell (or was it Hartwell?)chocolate and licorice ice cream together isn't much chop.

Marshall Stacks said...

it was Hartwell jayne and we used to travel quite a way to get those groovy flavours.
Jeepers, Coppy. I think you could probably get damages from the council or SULO for the bins being dangerous and unstable.
I hope the grizzling old bat next door stays well away from you after causing that pain and grief, and I would black voodoo candle those cracker louts for frightening cats and birds ... if I knew their names.
I prescribe chocolate every 4 hours for your toe.

Andrew said...

So that is why there is a toenail in your handbag. Can it be super glued back on?

JahTeh said...

Jayne, I remember going there just the once and being in heaven. Chocolate covered licorice is nice enough without the ice-cream.

Stacks, bins are only unstable in the hands of idiots standing in knee deep grass with thongs on and who don't see where the holes in the lawn (bwahaha) are.

Haiku
The bin heavy
The hole deep
Massive fail to nail

Don't think the BOH didn't check under every car tyre in case they left a detonator there.

Andrew, surgically removed means just that. Yanked out from under the skin and only took a tiny pull to finish the job.
I'm thinking of moving to a highrise but I'm sure the lift would fail.

Brian Hughes said...

"I know where everything is because I haven't put it away yet."

Apart from the wheelie bin, apparently.

Mindy said...

Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch. You will have to teach the cat to put the bin out.

JahTeh said...

Wot no sympathy, rotten Hughes!
You've got to watch those bins, turn feral at a moment's notice, I've had one deliberately fall backwards and take me with it.

Mindy, the cat is about to be put in the bin if it doesn't stop wanting to go out at night to look at the moon. Since the moggie curfew came in, it wants out. I came out this morning to see two pillows and a pair of jeans had been thrown at it by its loving father.

River said...

They didn't give you a jellybean? Those rotten scoundrels!
The difference between your house and mine is I know where everything is BECAUSE I've put it all away.
*snap* I ate a bag of licorice allsorts just last week. If I'd know you loved them, I'd have invited you over.

Middle Child said...

And what for exactly were you keeping that toenail in your handbag for - were you hoping to have it surgically reattached - or just wanted to impress the doc with how much it must have hurt when it got ripped off? Ow hurties