Friday, February 11, 2011

Down memory lane


Down memory lane for ladies of a certain age, namely mine. This comes under the category "I can't believe they'll fall for this" but I'm sure the young and lithsome will. Does it look uncomfortable? I'm remembering how damned uncomfortable wearing this clobber was and how Pantihose became a joy forever especially as hemlines rose. Sitting on a hot vinyl train seat on the way from work meant levering oneself gently off the damn thing two stations before yours or you risked leaving behind layers of skin. Pantihose, our pride and joy and expense but worth it.

I assume that piece of pink and black excuse for knickers is a thong. The feminine equivalent of wearing a Medieaval hair shirt which was supposed to remind you of your sins as it itched, scratched and annoyed your body not to mention harbouring numerous lice, fleas and anything else it picked up.

The garter belt beloved by porn watchers and erotic writers who probably never had to wear one or if they did, had a waist and hips for it to sit on. I didn't, have a waist not write erotica (the web crawlers will love this post). The longer I walked or stood the lower the garter belt slipped. And then there were the little button things that hooked onto the stockings, always going missing to be replaced by a threepenny bit (I told you I was old) now I suppose, with a disposable income enough to buy this stuff, you'd just throw it out for another. And the stockings, fat thighs, anyone? Before stretch nylon, there wasn't. Nothing stretched over fat thighs enough to reach the hooky things which in my case explains why the garter belt rapidly descended southward with every step.

So we have pictured an annoying thong, an uncomfortable garter belt, yes it is, remember trying to do up the hooky things at the back of the thighs? The bra looks okay but not for a womanly figure. There's no support there, a middle aged set would be heading south to follow the garter belt. It's all for the young, wear this and he'll love you on Valentine's day and they'll go for it hooky, line and sinker.

14 comments:

Kath Lockett said...

I used to call that silky, scratchy, arse-crack-magnetty stuff 'play undies' - only designed to be worn for about three minutes....

These days, it's all about cotton and comfort and LC is happy with whatever's on offer!

Andrew said...

Is it wise to put your photo on the net like this, even if it is for educational purposes. No harm without your face included I guess.

Word V = prenis. A bit close.

The Elephant's Child said...

In an early incarnation I sold bras and knickers. And around Christmas and Valentines day men came in and bought the most awful frilly frothy things in red and black pseudo lace that would have itched to high heaven if anyone had been silly enought to put them on.

For this black duck garments like that are like high heels - I won't play.

Elisabeth said...

I remember those threepenny bits that rolled down to your ankles on the inside of the stockings once the thin thread that held the bobble in place wore away and the bobble was lost, only to be replaced with a threepenny bit or a button.

Ann O'Dyne said...

while we are on the topic, please do check out this bride whose gown is beyond belief.

and I don't really want to distract you from that but the big question is Knickers over or under the suspenders?

Link said...

I have it on good authority that mother's suspender belt can be turned upside down and used as an experimental brassiere for pre-pubescent eight year olds. Joining the two hooky things together to make straps can be problematic but it can be done.

River said...

I remember being introduced to a garter belt and stockings in high school, when the new French teacher decided all girls would now wear berets, and 60 denier stockings as part of the winter uniform. The silly woman also made us wear straw hats in the summer. We already had them but nobody wanted to actually wear them. Anyway, back to the stockings. all the girlie girls loved them and thought they were now oh-so-grown-up. I hated them and they were the first things to come off the minute I got home. Then pantyhose were invented, but not thick enough to please the French teacher, who insisted we stick with the garter belts and stockings. The day I finished school forever, I threw mine in the fire. I eventually wore pantyhose, but rarely, I still don't like them.

River said...

@Ann O'Dyne; knickers go under the suspenders.

JahTeh said...

You're right Kath, knickers are for wearing and covering the bits that you don't want shown when the wind blows.

Andrew, dearest, I was very careful and covered up the naked sailor tattoo so no-one will recognize me.
A prenis is what you had before it grew up, out, down, along and had to strap it to your ankle.

EC, all with an exagerated idea of the size of the relevent parts.

Elisabeth, now, tell me, wasn't your first pair of pantyhose a joy forever?

Miss O'Dyne, I haz stolen your dress and blogged it. Did you read the comments, how vicious they were. Some people are just not content to have a titter and leave it there.
As for the over and under, I tried them every way, all uncomfortable.

Link, personal experience talking?
My imagination is working overtime and I can see it all.

JahTeh said...

River, I hated the school beret and the garter belt and the grey stockings. The year I left, they changed to navy velvet bowler hats and was I pissed.

One for over the knickers.

R.H. said...

I can't follow your description of how it all works. Getting it undone was never any trouble in my day.
Or maybe I don't remember.

Ozfemme said...

Since the expansion that is me hapenned, all my frilly silly got pushed to the back of the undies drawer. Eventually the invasion of the grannie pants won the battle, and yet I still didn't throw out the frilly; I bagged it up and stuck it in a suitcase in the top cupboard because who knows, I may need it some day.....:/

JahTeh said...

The Earl of Rochester would have had no trouble at all with the undoing but then only trollops wore knickers in his day.

Oz, somebody should tell Elle there is a market for fat frillies.
Still the warmth and comfort of a pair of cottontails on a cold day beats the bumnumbing thong.

Ann O'Dyne said...

but River - getting the knickers half-off for the benefit of the bladder, has to be harder if they are under the suspenders.

I remember when pantyhose came on the market - they were 30 shillings, which at the time, was as dear (in relation to wages) as Wolfords are now. and painting on clear nail varnish to arrest laddering.