Saturday, September 17, 2011

Time, I need more time.

It's not my design but I have everything ready to make it, except time and brain function.
This blog used to be full of science posts and I know there are at least four drafts that I haven't whipped into shape because my brain won't work. My jewellery isn't working because I don't have a work room anymore so trying to separate glass (expensive) from plastic (not) beads continues on the lounge floor, tables and soon I'll resort to the ironing board.

After the Home visit yesterday, I left with my sanity hanging by a thread. No, I am not patient with the residents when I'm trying to explain things to mother. The full moon was four days ago so you'd think the effects would have worn off by now but they're still all doolally. It's not the same place as it was when mum went there. Staff has changed and the new are good but agency staff didn't give mum her pain medication at 7.30 a.m., two days running it was 10.00 a.m.
The activities staff spend half their time hunting down the escapees instead of doing activities but that's a bit hard when my mother is the only one who can help with the cooking and the craft. It's crazy that the old girl has become the smartest one in the place. To the extent that she is being mobbed by oldies who like her and the weekend escapes to the Chapel room to make her cards in peace and quiet can't come round soon enough.

I never thought I'd say I'd miss the happy place it was but there were enough on the ball to have a laugh but now it's a drag to walk in the door. It's a drag to be in my own house which isn't quite mine anymore. I keep looking at the washing on every chair, my brain says put it away but the body wants to sit down and cry. My nephew's been here a year, he's nice but he's here and I would truly love him to have his own place with his own things around including every piece of clothing and every sock but he doesn't earn enough to get a bond, 6 months rent, utilities put on or find rent every week.

So, how's the diabetes going? Badly.
So, how's the weight loss going? Badly.
So, how's the walking every day going? Badly.
So, how's the depression going? It's good, really good, ramping up to a full blown open a vein head in the gas oven attack and the only way out is to eat my way through.
So, how's the diet going? Baaaaaaaaaaaaaadly.

11 comments:

The Elephant's Child said...

Aaaargh. I love that necklace and hope you get your head and time together (at the one time) and make it. It is beautiful.

The rest of this post made my heart hurt. When sanity (and a black sense of humour) are all you have they had better be hanging on by more than a thread. Tommorrow (or the day after) are time enough to get back on the diet/exercise wheel.

River said...

Sad that things are going downhill like that JahTeh. Are there any of the old staffers left at all?

Isn't your mum's medication time listed on her chart? They need to be more aware of that at least.

Forget the diet for an hour or so, (24-48...)and pray the nephew gets a lotto win.

Helen said...

{{{Hug}}}, Jen.

Gerry said...

Don't worry JT, this too shall pass..

Once the economic rationalists have finished reshaping the human experience we'll all be euthanased at the age of 45.

JahTeh said...

Jeebus, but Bear I didn't start living until I was 50. I aim to live long enough to make the next selfish generation pay taxes to keep me in comfort. I couldn't afford Bacardi Breezers to get wasted when I was 18 so they must have enough money to support 'teh oldies'.

Helen, I shouldn't be whining, at least I have a roof over my head which shelters the lounge room full of washing and ironing. And the smoke alarm is in the ceiling after a year of sitting on the chest closest to where I thought smoke would reach it. Threatening to take a screwdriver to the car does wonders.

River, I got on the scales this morning and I'm still in shock. I told that stupid Diabetes expert that my body does not do snacks, it's 3 meals or else and the else is a 7kg gain since January. It's a good thing I'm already depressed.

EC, you sat and tore little strips of paper and I sat watching the test page before SBS started telecasting. I never moved off the couch until the kids came home from school, the test pages had lovely music and I just sat. I didn't find out until later that sitting like that is a syptom of depression.

JahTeh said...

Jeebus, but Bear I didn't start living until I was 50. I aim to live long enough to make the next selfish generation pay taxes to keep me in comfort. I couldn't afford Bacardi Breezers to get wasted when I was 18 so they must have enough money to support 'teh oldies'.

Helen, I shouldn't be whining, at least I have a roof over my head which shelters the lounge room full of washing and ironing. And the smoke alarm is in the ceiling after a year of sitting on the chest closest to where I thought smoke would reach it. Threatening to take a screwdriver to the car does wonders.

River, I got on the scales this morning and I'm still in shock. I told that stupid Diabetes expert that my body does not do snacks, it's 3 meals or else and the else is a 7kg gain since January. It's a good thing I'm already depressed.

EC, you sat and tore little strips of paper and I sat watching the test page before SBS started telecasting. I never moved off the couch until the kids came home from school, the test pages had lovely music and I just sat. I didn't find out until later that sitting like that is a syptom of depression.

Kath Lockett said...

Jah Teh your black sense of humour is one thing, but please please please make sure that you get the help that you need, okay?

By that I mean some time to forget about the diet, the Home (even if just for a day) and have one room or space that's nephew-free. Oh and good Anti-D drugs help, too....

JahTeh said...

Dear Kath, I know the struggle you've had with depression and I'm nowhere as bad as that. I'm still struggling to come to terms with this diabetes thing and the eating thing and the mother thing and the nephew thing. I will tell my Doc Marvin though and that's another thing to get used to, a doctor that listens.

But today is warm and sunny with a north wind so it's happy time.

The Elephant's Child said...

Yay for Dr Marvin. A doctor who listens! I am surprised they let him out to practise on real people.

Helen said...

So... Make a necklace out of THIS!!!

That's not a gemstone. THIS is a gemstone!!!!

http://bit.ly/qATyoV

Helen said...

Sorry to change the subject... I saw that and thought "WHOAH..... Jenny."