Saturday, December 24, 2011

Are we there yet?

Christmas Graphics
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a louse.

I know that's not the right word but in our house it was. The ex had the bad luck to be born on Christmas Eve and he rarely saw a sober Christmas Eve, Day or Boxing day.
I wish him a Happy Birthday and hope Blondie has all her 13 grandchildren tomorrow to trash the house and wipe him out.  I wonder if he still has a BBQ on Boxing Day? I always had a hose hooked up to the tap the minute I smelled smoke.  His preferred method of 'barbie-ing was to start with a 20 foot flame and reduce all to ashes including the food. The actual BBQ was moved several times over the years but the wind always managed to fill the house with smoke.  It finished up at the front of the house near the patio where I could watch from inside until the flames dwindled and it was safe to take food near him.  

The year after he bolted with The Blonde (bottle), New Year's Eve to be precise, I was looking out of that same window and wondering what was annoying me.  Grey, black and rusting BBQ right in my line of vision. The only use it had been in the year was to illegally burn the miles of dried ivy I'd ripped off the walls. Rather spectacular in the middle of the night, all those flames but I was holding the hose.  So New Year's Day out I went with a sledge hammer and started to wallop the barbie into bits. Well, who knew the concrete was laced with steel mesh.  The BOH dropped by and took equal delight in reducing the eyesore to pieces.  I carted the rubble down to the corner where his compost bins had stood and never composted, just stank and made a dry wall, filling it with climbing geraniums.  They're still there but the lemon tree has delusions of being a giant redwood and is so big I haven't been behind it since I took off my toenail with the wheelie bin. 

Santa, Baby, I really could use a chainsaw for Christmas.

6 comments:

The Elephant's Child said...

I have made a gigantic fruit salad which spells Christmas to me, and cooked turkey breast so the smaller portion can have meat with his salad. I am seriously knackered and hanging out for boxing day. I am sure that you have been good enough for Santa to drop a chainsaw into your stocking, but am wondering what uses you will put it to. Have a good one anyway.

Marshall Stacks said...

Christmas triggers all the memories good and bad. I do feel sorry for all with Christmas birthdays and their idiot parents. Unprotected six in Feb/March is irresponsible.

I am dog-sitting and just back from dusk walkies, having enjoyed the places with decorated trees in their windows.
Take care on Sunday everybody, and Darwin and Christchurch people have our sympathy too.

River said...

I like what you and BOH did to the barbie!
I think you've left it a bit too late to ask Santa for a chainsaw, but maybe he's already begun on next year's gift list, so you can get it then....

Mery Giftmess.

JahTeh said...

EC, I have some serious pruning to do not only the lemon giant but the mandarin and the damn trumpet vine hanging over from the house at the back which is stopping the sun getting to the much needed lime tree.
It is the gin and tonic season.

Stacks, I swear I have more bad Christmas memories than good even back to the year we were given our longed for canvas wading pool and it rained solid for a week.

River, nothing like a good bashing of something you hate. No-one in the neighbourhood would even loan me a chainsaw when the ex was here. Can't think why.

R.H. said...

Merry Xmas Jahteh, I thought about getting you a bottle of gin, really.

Davoh said...

chainsaw? .. ya can borrow mine ;;;
bought it 12 months ago. Not really operational. the tricky bit is finding the Chinese manufactured plastic parts ...oh , where was i ..

Best wishes - from me, at this Roman manufactured season .... heh.