Tuesday, May 08, 2012

The Great Full Moon of nothing

In case you've been in a cave somewhere, it was the big supermoon weekend with the moon closest to the earth for yonks but I decided to put up a photo of the great cat goddess instead.
The moon didn't do me any good at all.

Mother started on new tablets for nerve pain and managed to get 8 of the 10 minor side effects in 24 hours.  So on Saturday, I'm at the computer with landline for the Home on one side and mobile for sister at work on the other.  On Sunday I could barely move for the stiffness in all the joints, tension just a day of tension and not a hidden chocolate bar in the house.  Of course, the old girl has come through again, the only damage was a mobile phone without credits because she kept trying to call me and couldn't remember where the buttons were.

So, in a foul mood, Monday is get credits for the phone day and put up with the crazies from the full moon. That's not a myth either. I decided that I would take my time, it's time I didn't rush around for her but take it slowly for me.  That didn't happen either.  It goes like this, suddenly in the middle of LOLcats, I look at the time, late and take it slowly but not this late.  Grab underwear, put on bras but decide to go to the loo and put knickers on after.  Sit on loo, decide to put knickers on while I'm there since I had them in my hands.  Can't do it, take off slippers first, one foot in knickers and picture falls off the wall, shattering glass in all directions.  Dilema, where to put slipperless feet while pulling up knickers or check knickerless bum for splinters.  No problem there since that side had the very large shards of glass which would have sliced bum right off.

Knickers half way up and BOH arrives home.  Asks if I'm all right, must have heard me swearing like a sailor tangled in a ratline and when I say yes but shut your eyes, I have no clothes on, he leaves.
I'm bleeding and he leaves when I just wanted to hop to the bedroom for a dressing gown.  When I call him later, he thought I was just joking. MEN!!!!!  Do you know how hard it is to hold a mirror and torch in one hand while fishing for glass with the other?  Damn hard.  I did find the tiny slice of glass and it must have been the tiniest piece of the entire smash and it slipped out of my fingers on to the rug.  Whack a bandage on the foot and then use the torch to find the sliver before I stand on it again.  Mission accomplished.  It was tiny and shining a torch along the floor is the only way to find glass or a dropped diamond, your lesson for the day.  I was now so late I had to leave the blood on the carpet until I got home but I did sweep up the glass while remembering Bruce Willis picking great lumps of glass out of his feet in 'Die Hard'.

Now according to my stars, the full moon was to usher in great changes in my housing situation, bollocks, one broken picture frame does not a change make.  BOH and dimbo still looking for a place to live.  I had hopes that he might do better by himself until I unpacked his kitbag still loaded with dead socks from Australia Day trip to Albury.  Underneath the kitbag was 3 layers of dead socks and jocks prior to Australia Day trip.  I only looked because he actually brought out a basket of laundry and put in on the washing machine and I knew he must have had more crap than that.

I threw the kitbag on the bed, emptied it, folded up the sleeping bag to put back and wondered what to do with the Crocodile Dundee size knife in lovely carry sheath.  I left it on the bed and checked if there were any more dead clothes in the kitbag, no, just car parts he'd collected and forgotten were there.  So he didn't know the knife/machete was in the bag, couldn't remember where he'd put it and had no idea there were car parts in the zip pouch either.  I guess he was too busy playing with the furry black foot long spider he'd bought on the internet. He thought it was smaller. It's neat, you hang it on the door handle, it sits on the floor, you clap your hands and the bloody thing shoots up the hanging string, spidey legs spinning and green eyes flashing.  He hasn't forgotten where that is.

I repeat, when this child arrives, I am an interested onlooker.  The child has grandparents and I'm not them, thank the great Cat Goddess.

18 comments:

The Elephant's Child said...

Aaaargh. Isn't it always the way. And why oh why is it becoming increasingly hard to put knickers/trousers/shoes on the body. Sometimes I really, really dislike the body. I have fed it (too well), washed it and pampered it for years and it betrays my trust and ceases to function. Sod it.
I am glad, and unsurprised that your mother came good(ish) again. Sympathetic and useless hugs from afar.

The Elephant's Child said...

PS: I love the great cat goddess.

River said...

"...barely move for the stiffness...", that's me too, and to think I used to dance through my days!

"...picture falls off the wall."
Loo pictures should be in the other room, ha ha, or at least have no glass.

Andrew said...

You put on your bras? How many do you wear at once? Are you trying to get straight blokes excited by the thought that you have massive mammaries? Doctor, I've got glass in my a..., hoho.

Lord Rochester said...

You or dismay
The moon or nothing.

Rochester.

Kath said...

Full moons do indeed bring out the crazies. I interviewed several medicos for an article a few years back who all said that they dreaded being 'on shift' during those times.

I'm with River - take any glass-framed piccies OUT of the toilet.

And how come you can write in such a way that I feel immense sympathy at the exact time I'm laughing like a hyena?

JahTeh said...

EC, it was just stupid to not put them on before I put on the slippers.
Diabetes Educator would be pleased with the blood supply to the foot. I'm still trying to get it out of the carpet where I hippity hopped to get the dressing gown.

River, I was only thinking the other day that I should take it down. She was such a sad lady, Marie Alexandrovna, dying of tuberculosis while husband and Czar was romancing his other family downstairs. Had his legs blown off by an anarchist's bomb.

Andrew, a slight typographical error and your sense of humour falls off the rails. Believe me the massive mammaries need wheels these days not a bra.

Rochester, you make my nothingness swoon.

Kath, we had cloud here so I couldn't see the supermoon but I felt it. As for my pictures, I had taken out 15 of them and just left these otherwise there's nothing to look at except me and that's really not the best of views.
Wasn't it Shakespeare who said "and if I laugh, tis that I may not cry". I am hearing that hyena laugh now.

JahTeh said...

Blogger has great sense of humour.
Sponsored ad at the side says:

FULL PUT MOON
KNICKERS GREAT
GLASS

Find top sites for full put moon knickers great glass here.

Middle Child said...

You don't need to walk across a 6 lane highway for thrills - they are there waiting in your own home -

JahTeh said...

MiddleChild, I wouldn't make it across a two lane highway.
I am reading your blog but I can't comment, the words in the verification don't show up in my browser. That goes for any blog that hasn't seen me comment in a while.

Middle Child said...

I got your messages - I didn't know I had word verification on my site I didn't used to have it - will check

Marshall Stacks said...

ooh dear

but ditto what Kath said about your clever writing
X X

JahTeh said...

MiddleChild, just one of blogger's new and not improved spam blockers which we didn't ask for. IE8 just doesn't bring up the words and it's no good complaining, as I have, blogger takes no notice but it is easy to turn off.

Stacks, clever writing pfft! I'd like a clever cleaner to get the blood out of the carpet. I think I get it all but back it comes, damn thing won't even blend in with the dirt.

Marshall Stacks said...

don't fret, Duchess of Beaufort interview in glossy mag re Burghley Hall's first redecoration in 400 years said she told interior designer that carpets patterns had to accommodate dog-sick stains.
Life is too short to worry about anything else than -
For your own sanity you must get that man out of your house before he turns 40 and has knocked up his next girlfriend.

JahTeh said...

Stacks, he had to go to an all day pre-natal class starting at 9.30 but he had to get to the little mother's by 8.30 to make sure she was out of bed. She should wake up about half way through the class.

R.H. said...

Question for the Great Moon Godess:

Can Richmond beat South Melbourne* today.

*Calling itself Sydney.

Anonymous said...

I went to Doll House and had the worst experience of my life. I ordered a dress 3 months before my formal and it didn’t come in. she told me the dress was customized but was told a week before my formal that they could not do it and was told to chose another dress from the shop which upset me as I had my heart set on the dress I ordered. Thank you Doll House for destroying my only formal it was the worst time.

R.H. said...

Don't come here weeping about some stupid bloody dress!- put a brick through their window.