Sunday, June 17, 2012

All the circles, round and round

So June, 17, 2012, one of those circles in the image above, just pick one and touch it anywhere. The beginning and end is the same. June 17, 2000 or June 17, 2012 because I'm back exactly where I started. 
I am stressed, weight is back to what it was then, family is irritating me but I haven't seen the ex for 6 years so that is one big good news tick.
June 17, 2000 and I was two weeks into the great freedom of no marriage.  I read constantly in the advice columns that the parties of a disintegrating marriage should see a councellor to make sure they have tried every means to save it and then there are no recriminations.  Yeah, well he skipped all that by just leaving and waltzing into the arms of his blonde.  Karma bites as she is frequently waltzed out of the RSL by the bouncers and poured into his car.  Bwahahahaha.

I was fat, just getting used to walking on two brand new knees, getting over feeling sorry for my ex best friend who had an affair with my ex, (I mean how desperate did she have to be to go with him), and stressed that it might all be a dream and he would come back.  I lost 20 kilos in pure happiness.
That 20 kilos is now back and haunting me.  Not just the stress eating, the expectant family will know if they have a place next week, but the trying to eat 3 very small meals so I can eat 3 very small snacks during the day to regulate the sugar levels.  It isn't working.  And the pills, in 2000, I was taking two in the morning for anxiety and two at night for arthritis, now it's a constant stream of pills and vitamins.  I wake up, reach for the glass and pill, take blood test, take pills for sugar before eating, take vitamins while eating.  Blood pressure pills and more vitamins at night with food. Do I feel better, damned if I know.
I'm still fat, I'm still falling over, I'm still carrying the family around on my back. I'm still looking for that lost freedom of 2000.  I'm heading for another birthday, another fat birthday with no cake.  And I'm thinking, at my age can I afford to sit quietly for a month and just breathe with relief at the silence of a house with just me in it?
That's before I start stripping the wallpaper off the front room, painting the walls and 4 cupboards. To do that I have to unload a bookcase and move a big cupboard full of material so I can get to the walls.  Moving all the sewing and jewellery and craft back in there before I start cleaning the rest of the house.  Moving all the boxes out of the hallway and Feng Shui'ing that space.  I can just spy an empty bookcase over the packed mess, much like peering into a Pharoah's tomb and seeing wondrous things.
A lot of the furniture is moving with the lodger, I will have space.  I will vacuum without needing a contortionist's training. I have already begun the culling of the unwanted or unneeded and I'm being viscious about it.  I just would like that visciousness to include the culling of unwanted blubber around the bumlegsboobs but leave the face alone, I've seen my sister and she's just lost weight but it missed the hips but not the neck. She looks like she's just put on a necklace of dried river beds.

I don't care if I'm fat, I'm as healthy as I'll every be, I'm going grey but I'm really pissed at how fast time is flashing past. I remember everything about June 17, 2000 like it was yesterday. Just don't ask me what happened yesterday.

8 comments:

JahTeh said...

Did I spell vicious with an s when it shouldn't be? Must be time for a blood test and a cuppa.

R.H. said...

You did it twice.

I don't want you to lose weight, you mightn't be as funny.

Andrew said...

Your 'diet' sounds too extreme to keep to and impractical. Everyone must have cake on their birthday.

'Karma bites as she is frequently waltzed out of the RSL by the bouncers and poured into his car. Bwahahahaha.' Very original and very funny.

River said...

If you need help moving stuff around, I'm taking a couple of weeks off in July, I can hop on a train to Melbourne and empty cupboards and shelves for you.....I'll bring my own vitamin supply.
Love the Karma bites statement!

Jayne said...

OH, he got a female version of himself, how sweet, he's into self-love ;)

Bugger the BSL get a cup cake for your birthday and enjoy it.

Kath Lockett said...

There'll be more karma you'll get to witness, of that I'm sure.

In the meantime, look forward to the space and serenity and perhaps don't include the additional space to vacuum as the best thing about the BOH moving out...!

JahTeh said...

Robbert, it really is a backward step to 2000, I have to start looking ahead and my sense of humour is ingrained whatever the size of the bum.

Andrew, they keep changing the rules, today I can eat this but it changes tomorrow. Mornings as cold as this needs a few grains of sugar in my coffee or I can't function.

River, believe me, the only one who can organize this jigsaw puzzle of a house is me. I already have two bags for the Diabetes collector with more to come. The knickers with holes go in the polishing box.

Jayne, they are perfectly matched and I still keep remembering that pristine pale blue carpet in their new house and his habit of tracking the garden through my house. And white tiles in the kitchen and family room. I just hope he put the new BBQ close enough for the smoke to blow through the windows, how I loved that.

Kath, really for the first time in my life I'm looking forward to a good vacuum clean. I'm sure there are spider skeletons in my bedroom which are feeding a thriving colony of dust mites.

By the time my birthday arrives, Fergusson Plarre would have opened up shop again and I plan on having a giant chocolate eclair or two.

Middle Child said...

I know sometimes I think back 10 years or so and am shocked at the changes. I am 58 now...when I was 48 I could not have imagined the changes... hope if I get another 10 it goes a bit slower and that our little lot (and you) have a better time of it...but anytime on the right side of the grass has to be worth it