Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Antidote for dealing with idiots

 Well, I had to deal with a few idiots yesterday so I thought I would look at some shoes to lift my mood. And here we have the results, obviously designed by a whole other class of idiots. That up top, I love the heel. But the back and the open toe, two of the hardest places to keep a foot looking classy so yea to the heel, nay to the rest.
Another heel I love plus red velvet and both on the most godawful shoe ever. Hate the platform, hate the buckles especially the buckle around the ankle above the buckle around the ankle which never looks good on any foot. A fat ankle would bulge, a skinny ankle would look too fragile to lift the shoe. I do love the heel, it's like a Christmas ornament.
 Skyscraper heels and platforms, gold is good, red is nice but just get a look at those spike decorations. Don't tell me you wouldn't have to learn to walk as though you just dismounted from Black Caviar or it would be shredded skin from here to next Sunday. But what a way to push through the crowds at the New Year sales. On the whole, ugly, very expensive ugly.
 Perhaps a pair of boots?  Hate the heels!  Love the frill around the top. Thigh high with zip and lace up ribbons? Definitely 50 shade of ugly and 3 hours and a maid to get them on. Black I can handle but what this last boot is made of, besides ugly, is just more ugly with a zip and a ribbon. They remind me of the film "Kinky Boots" which I loved, unpretentious little movie, great ending unlike these boots of horror.
Now next time you see a teenager with sneakers falling apart at the seams, just think of them as fashion. I can't see the heels on these and even without platform soles, I still hate them. They look like skinned bats sewn together so thumbs down on the "Morticia Addamms" shoes.
So finally, a boot/shoe that this overweight Granny couldn't break or fall off. Make it all in burgundy and you have a done deal. Synthetic leather would do and for summer, cream canvas. Do we have a consensus for a winner?  And make it a knock-off, I'd hate to contribute to Karl's conspicuous consumption of baby powder for his 'white hair' look. I don't mean sweatshop knock-off either. If only we could have a little on-call shoe maker the way we used to have a dressmaker. A tweak here and there should take care of the copyright.


Elephant's Child said...

Shoes are not one of my obsessions but I am so grateful for your research here. Some spectacularly bad, ugly and no doubt obscenely expensivefootwear. For masochists too, because only your pick looks like something that could be worn or walked in for more than (say) fifteen seconds.

Brian Hughes said...

Looking at those first two, the phrase "Hahah Jim Laaard!" springs to mind.

River said...

I agree that last boot is a winner. I think you should email that photo to all the shoe manufacturers and see if they will copy it for Aussie sales.
I'd buy it, even in that colour. It would go nicely with everything I have and a casual skirt as well, not that I have one of those.
The first boot? The heel would make a nice lamp base, the second a Christmas ornament like you said, the rest...WTF were they thinking?!