Thursday, October 30, 2014

The Terminator lives, again

She made it.  I've paid for it.

Never bottle up anger, punch something.
But don't get up in the middle of the night without your glasses, things happen.
I have no idea how I slipped, fell flat on my back ending up with my feet in the clothes basket. Clothes were clean, I just couldn't be bothered folding them.
I wasn't hurt, it was just a gentle slip to the floor in the dark.
I sit up ready for the usual sobbing and cringing as I kneel and throw myself on the bed. Didn't happen, both leg muscles went into instant spasm and I lay back on the floor.
Try the sitting up thing, throw washing basket out of the way and start bum-walking to the front door to see if I could open it. Thank the Goddess, yes.
Head for the nearest chair but I can't turn over, muscle spasms, lie flat again.
Head for the phone after I contemplate lowering the ironing board to a height to sit then throwing myself onto the couch behind it.  Muscle spasms twist feet in opposite directions to where they should be.
Okay, phone and 000 it is.  Crap, no light to find 0 but mobile phone is on charge, press that and I have light to use landline.  Very crisp young lady is right on the ball even understanding the old tart who sleeps without her teeth. Had to be very careful with "sitting" on the floor.  Yes, I am very big, please send someone without a hernia problem, no I'm not bleeding or unconscious or going unconscious (I only do that when there's an apple tree handy).  The front door is open.
So I wait for the ambos, filling in time by using my walking stick to turn on the lamp, pull my reading glasses off the side table and drag my cloak out of my bag to stay warm.  Meanwhile the cat wakes up, real lot of help he was, wouldn't take a note for help before breakfast.
I hear boots up the drive, tell them the door is open.  OMG, two youngish girls walk in and I immediately look for the portable crane. I remember not to toothlessly smile at them.  They congratulate me on my bum-walking ability.
Now for the good part, one grabs a chair from the kitchen, lolly knows how she navigated that hell hole and I'm thinking I'll never get on my knees without swearing.  No, this is for balance because they have this wonderful, brilliant woman designed (it had to be a woman) square plastic/rubber thing. One pushed it under me while the other dragged it. I unfartunately let go a very small Kath Lockett which considering I was on my way to the toilet when I slipped, they were lucky.  This square has four compartments, each one is inflated until (this is where the balance came in) it is the height of a chair and I just stood up and walked away.  No pain, the joy of no pain.  I was lucky, the battery gave out with the last poof of inflate.
They were gone before the gossiping neighbours were starting for work.
I sat in the chair, fire going, tv news on, damn Chinese news, flick to get rid of that, flat batteries. I had to get up and turn it off by hand. Life can be hard sometimes.
Cat was fed, I went to sleep in the chair.
I woke up and went to sleep in the bed.
Right arm hurts so I must have kept hold of the bed post which is why I didn't crash to the floor. 
Memo to self, no more lavender foot cream for the walking parts.  


Elephant's Child said...

Oh. How very very lucky. After being so very unlucky. And aren't those spasms a bitch (they wake me shrieking).
Take it as easy as you can. The Terminator seems to have passed on some of her survivor genes...

Andrew said...

Pleased to hear you are ok. I've not heard of the 'raising' device. It is some times since I have seen a male paramedic.

River said...

Boy oh boy you know how to scare a person!
I'm so glad you are okay. I hope the spasms and pain leave you very quickly.
I would suggest those cheap fluffy socks with the little rubber nodules on the soles for grip, but I have them myself and find them a little annoying to wear and I don't wear them in bed anyway.
That inflating thingy sounds interesting, a bit like how they inflate similar larger devices to lift shipwrecks off the ocean floor.
You mum seems to be copying Arnold Schwarzenegger, "I'll be back" and back and back and back.

JahTeh said...

EC, I get them from my back and always after sitting on those hard chairs at the Home. They put all the bones out. Not just survivor genes but crumbling cartilage genes.

Andrew, I did think of ringing you but I remembered R's bad back. That device was brilliant, it was only 60 seconds and I was up.

River, 'shipwrecks off the ocean floor', close very close. I don't even put slippers on these days in case they catch on the carpet and I go flat on my face.
Doc Marvin is surprised that she survived again.

Ann ODyne said...

Yes EC, well spotted. The mitochondrial is indeed mighty genetic.
and bravo Ms Cwitch on that lavender foot cream. I cannot reach my feet so I am envious.
Once on the ground I cannot get my 77 kgs up either. you are so brave to dial 000. X X X

JahTeh said...

Annie, I really had to think about ringing 000 but I just couldn't stop the damn muscle spasms every time I tried to turn around. I kept thinking some poor old sod might be dying of a heart attack while I've got the ambulance but they told me not to worry.

Sir Marshall Stacks said...

that 'poor old sod' would have decades of a beer and meat diet with nicotine dessert and quite frankly would have a nerve complaining that an ambulance took too long to save him from himself.
Feel absolutely no guilt concern remorse, your shock is no less significant, and clearly your mind being 'elsewhere' was most likely cause of gravity beating you. Please go carefully. x x