Now going back in the WayBack Machine which I use a lot on this blog, I visit my want list.
A Toilet. A toilet that is tall so I don't have to put an extension seat on it for my dodgy knees. You must remember the joy when I finally had the money thanks to a jackpot at the pokies. I googled immediately and found the right height and what weight it took and the place was just down the road.
What was the hurry? Well there were several other things on the want list and leaving money around this house is never a good idea. The trees need pruning, the gates need work, a house cleaner for a day, a handyman for a month. Don't worry about the spouting, my mother used to ram a screwdriver wherever it was blocked and the water ran on to the garden in the dry spots. Put a hose in the down pipe, yes done that except I kind of lost control of the hose and control of me standing on top of the ladder which wasn't in shape for my shape. Thank the Godness, in those days no-one had those damn camera/movie phones or I would have been on Youtube for ever.
Anyway the excitement was too much for me and I bought my dream then started saving up for the plumber. Sister said why didn't I sit on it at the showroom, well honestly how does one try out a toilet without trying out a toilet. Like trying out a bed in the showroom that 2 hundred people had already jumped about on it. The big day comes, old is out, new is in and IT'S A COMPLETE AND UTTER BASTARD OF A THING. Who in their right mind designs a square toilet when last time I looked bums are round. My weight might have been spot on for the design but not for the seat and lid. It rocked and rolled all over the place. Plumber comes back next day and puts in larger and longer screws, works for an hour. The soft self closing lid makes it all look so neat and tidy but it's not a flat lid. It has a 4cm rim to come down over the pan and it's hard plastic and it's sharp especially when it hits the really bad spot on the spine. I could have been designed to hit that exact spot. And it's crashing and banging but the flush is very quiet which is too bad since I've woken up the neighbours with the first sit down crash. And just to make it all bright, I twisted and put my hip out of joint getting out of the taxi and believe me it doesn't like square seats either.
I was up and down all night taking pain killers with water and getting rid of the water in the jaws of hell and taking more pain killers. Rang the plumber this morning and demanded he come back and replace dead old crappy crapper with it's swinging extension seat. He hummed and aahed but I said I didn't want the money back, I'd pay him more and he could also take the $700 toilet with him. That's right $700 and believe me if he leaves it here I will take a sledge hammer to it. The reason for the hesitation was that it was so hard to install that he's not too happy at uninstalling it. He should work for Windows 10, another bastard mob.
Nephew came in this morning, built like a brick outhouse, 6'4", remember him. So I had him sit, sit I said, get your eyes tested and his opinion is actually unprintable, on my blog. It crashed and banged and he said the plumber hasn't installed it right, I don't care, I want it gone. Now I'm still in pain but after the taxi, I dragged the bins out and inside wondered why the cat was screwy. I'd warned plumber about dodgy tap in the bathroom for when he turned the water back on but forgot the one in the laundry and I had a flood so just to add to pain I had to pull out the washing machine and put a bucket behind to catch water. I did turn it off as much as possible. Cat's litter box is in the corner surrounded by water, no wonder he rushed off and was gone for an hour. I spent the next 10 minutes digging wet kitty litter out of the bottoms of my feet. Plumber fixed that next day, held out a lump of rust and asked how long this washer had been in the tap, time of the ark by the look of it. Nephew got the bucket out and pushed the machine back in. I haven't been game to use it yet, there's an eclipse coming up, think I'll wait til it passes.
Plumber due back sometime next week, or else. Plumber's mate, really brilliant, tall so I asked him to take out one of the 4 globes that have blown in the light in the study. he asked me to turn the light on so he could see what he was doing. I should have called a halt then.
So after the disaster with the chair, lights, nephew's warehouse down my hall way, car yard in the carport and tyre depot down the side and now bloody bog, nothing is ever going to be done again. The rat in the oven will live there until he dies, no new stove and no rat traps either. I would never cook there again if I had to haul out a body to get breakfast. Air conditioner hasn't been checked since 1996. And if that isn't enough, hard rubbish collection is due. I will not pick up one single thing unless it's really really useful.
And the possums, such a joy. Loving the oranges so much that when they've finished the inside, they're hanging the skins on the branches of the apple tree. Looks really pretty through my tears since I'm quite sure the mongrels know I'm allergic to oranges and I managed to eat one which was ambrosia before I broke out in spots.
Now for painkillers and icecream stuffed in the freezer. I can eat icecream, the battery in my blood checker has fritzed.