Please 2.6 million dollars for Christmas isn't asking too much, is it?

Mine, mine, mine!

The inside plan

Any house can have a staircase but a divided staircase, that's just class.

Since my current shack is too small for a Hippo fountain bird bath and this has just come on the market, I'm thinking of moving.  It's not Toorak and not that old but is just 15 minutes away.  My mother and I watched it being built and loved it but Dad would never slow down enough for us to have a really good look.
I love the stair case but looking over the plan I'm sure I could put in a lift for one somewhere. 
I hate the thought that some creepy developer would pull it down and build townhouses for gnomes over the block.
To have a good look, nick over to Domain and get houses for sale in Cheltenham and make up your own mind about the decor.  It does not look over rooftops but across the road is the parkland retreat for the Nuns of both denominations. 

Mick the Mower would be in heaven with the money he'd make from those lawns.
I'm still trying to decide which bedroom would be the library but I think I'll have to go for the bow window music room.  Floor to ceiling books and one of those ladders on wheels to reach. Downstairs, I must have one wall of glass to show my China dolls or my crystal glass collection (rude noise to Highriser).  
I know I'd lose weight, look how far away the tv room is from the kitchen, I'd need a maid who'd hand me a plate, tell me that's all I'm getting and that she's hidden the sweeties somewhere in the mansion.  Up and down those stairs, weight gone and me as well, written on my tombstone, Chocolate does kill.  The IceBear could have his own room with kitty toys and en suite kitty litter. He's not good with directions, I might lose him for a week or two.

I hope the photos don't come out with copyright all over them, after all I'm giving the realtor free advertising.

Joy turns to hysteria and pain and inches me closer to that breakdown.

Now going back in the WayBack Machine which I use a lot on this blog, I visit my want list.
A Toilet. A toilet that is tall so I don't have to put an extension seat on it for my dodgy knees.  You must remember the joy when I finally had the money thanks to a jackpot at the pokies. I googled immediately and found the right height and what weight it took and the place was just down the road.
What was the hurry?  Well there were several other things on the want list and leaving money around this house is never a good idea.  The trees need pruning, the gates need work, a house cleaner for a day, a handyman for a month. Don't worry about the spouting, my mother used to ram a screwdriver wherever it was blocked and the water ran on to the garden in the dry spots.  Put a hose in the down pipe, yes done that except I kind of lost control of the hose and control of me standing on top of the ladder which wasn't in shape for my shape.  Thank the Godness, in those days no-one had those damn camera/movie phones or I would have been on Youtube for ever.

Anyway the excitement was too much for me and I bought my dream then started saving up for the plumber. Sister said why didn't I sit on it at the showroom, well honestly how does one try out a toilet without trying out a toilet.  Like trying out a bed in the showroom that 2 hundred people had already jumped about on it.  The big day comes, old is out, new is in and IT'S A COMPLETE AND UTTER BASTARD OF A THING.  Who in their right mind designs a square toilet when last time I looked bums are round.  My weight might have been spot on for the design but not for the seat and lid.  It rocked and rolled all over the place. Plumber comes back next day and puts in larger and longer screws, works for an hour. The soft self closing lid makes it all look so neat and tidy but it's not a flat lid. It has a 4cm rim to come down over the pan and it's hard plastic and it's sharp especially when it hits the really bad spot on the spine.  I could have been designed to hit that exact spot. And it's crashing and banging but the flush is very quiet which is too bad since I've woken up the neighbours with the first sit down crash.  And just to make it all bright, I twisted and put my hip out of joint getting out of the taxi and believe me it doesn't like square seats either.

I was up and down all night  taking pain killers with water and getting rid of the water in the jaws of hell and taking more pain killers.  Rang the plumber this morning and demanded he come back and replace dead old crappy crapper with it's swinging extension seat.  He hummed and aahed but I said I didn't want the money back, I'd pay him more and he could also take the $700 toilet with him.  That's right $700 and believe me if he leaves it here I will take a sledge hammer to it.  The reason for the hesitation was that it was so hard to install that he's not too happy at uninstalling it.  He should work for Windows 10, another bastard mob.

Nephew came in this morning, built like a brick outhouse, 6'4", remember him. So I had him sit, sit I said, get your eyes tested and his opinion is actually unprintable, on my blog.  It crashed and banged and he said the plumber hasn't installed it right, I don't care, I want it gone.  Now I'm still in pain but after the taxi, I dragged the bins out and inside wondered why the cat was screwy. I'd warned plumber about dodgy tap in the bathroom for when he turned the water back on but forgot the one in the laundry and I had a flood so just to add to pain I had to pull out the washing machine and put a bucket behind to catch water. I did turn it off as much as possible.  Cat's litter box is in the corner surrounded by water, no wonder he rushed off and was gone for an hour.  I spent the next 10 minutes digging wet kitty litter out of the bottoms of my feet.  Plumber fixed that next day, held out a lump of rust and asked how long this washer had been in the tap, time of the ark by the look of it.  Nephew got the bucket out and pushed the machine back in. I haven't been game to use it yet, there's an eclipse coming up, think I'll wait til it passes.

Plumber due back sometime next week, or else.  Plumber's mate, really brilliant, tall so I asked him to take out one of the 4 globes that have blown in the light in the study. he asked me to turn the light on so he could see what he was doing.  I should have called a halt then.

So after the disaster with the chair, lights, nephew's warehouse down my hall way, car yard in the carport and tyre depot down the side and now bloody bog, nothing is ever going to be done again. The rat in the oven will live there until he dies, no new stove and no rat traps either.  I would never cook there again if I had to haul out a body to get breakfast.  Air conditioner hasn't been checked since 1996.  And if that isn't enough, hard rubbish collection is due.  I will not pick up one single thing unless it's really really useful. 

And the possums, such a joy.  Loving the oranges so much that when they've finished the inside, they're hanging the skins on the branches of the apple tree.  Looks really pretty through my tears since I'm quite sure the mongrels know I'm allergic to oranges and I managed to eat one which was ambrosia before I broke out in spots.

Now for painkillers and icecream stuffed in the freezer.  I can eat icecream, the battery in my blood checker has fritzed.

My version of Sunday Selections

I want a conservatory at the front of the house but I really really want an attic NOW.  Is this the most fantastic attic conversion ever?  Of course I would have some trouble getting up the stairs but what are Stairmasters for.  On the other hand I could just steeple the roof over the sewing room to match the conservatory and then I wouldn't need stairs.  I wouldn't worry about the shoe racks not with my crummy collection of decrepit foot ware but it would just mean shelves for my frock fabric that I haven't cut out yet and my mohair rugs and doona covers.  I'm one short at the moment, I haven't had it long, bought it because the price was right and it had flowers and nothing else did but gah, it's so depressing to sleep under.  I spent an hour during another watching of Lord of the Rings to unpick the lot much to the disgust of the cat who hates Orcs and likes to sit on my knee if Orcs are around.  I might not be able to sleep under it but it will make a nice house dress which won't show the dropped chocolate bits off the Magnums.  The bottom half, kind of Khaki, that's depressing but it will end up as the back of a quilt some time this Millenium.

Now shoes are beginning to become a problem with the arthritic feet and scrunching bones and most of the fluid building on top of my feet.  I grabbed a cheap pair of sneakers at KMart which felt soft enough but the Chinese version of size 11 is 10 so I really needed a 12 and I should have gone over to the mens shoes, better for the width.  Even with two shoe horns I nearly broke both feet trying to get them on.  What did I expect for $8, well not much so I had a think as Pooh did when he got his head caught in the hunny jar and came up with something brilliant.  I cut the tongue and half the front out of the sneaker, nicely rounded off just before the beginning of the toes and the end of the fat fluid part of the busted foot.  Then I put the laces back through the holes, nice laces, black with little white spots, cute. They went on like a dream, laced up with too much skin showing, a bit like putting a corset on and trying to get a waist out of a Blue Whale.  But I walked to the shop for coffee and comfortable and didn't fall off but plain.  I am planning on sticking little flat pearls around the cut edges to look more elegant, less cheap but still like the fat hippo ballerinas from Fantasia.  I'll just have to try harder from the waist up.

And with all this dreaming of divine attics and space for frocks and stuff, I haven't started Christmas thinking or cards and I've already eaten Christmas Day's mince pies.  Haven't started the Christmas brooch tree, third year running so another Millenium project but at least I'll have room for it in the Attic.  Do you think I could get away with decorating a large white cat in a Christmas fashion? 

Wishes do come true

Absolutely nothing to do with this post but I would build a staircase to nowhere just for the mice.

I was reading an article by Clem Barstow, a blogger from the good old days when writing a post was an art and comments articulate.  She was recalling all the things from her youth that she wanted in her house when she eventually bought one.

I looked around my House of Havisham and decided that I had everything I ever wished for when young except for a huge all around the house verandah.
My life started in a tackroom/bungalow, moved to a house in Ferntree Gully complete with rats and snakes in the year it snowed close to Melbourne. Then it was back to Mentone to a converted part of a garage complete with rats.  In 1950 something we moved to Ma's dream house. Half bush, half swamp with no drainage and a backyard dunnie.  These properties are now selling up near the million dollar mark.
Now comes the start of my wish list.

Floor coverings.  With swampy bits under the house, lino doesn't cut it for warmth and I never was a human that could do without warm.  When the first carpet went down, I found mother lying flat on her back just enjoying the feeling.  I did the same when I moved into my home.

Heating.  Open fires never reach more than two feet in any direction.  So we lashed out and bought a briquette heater.  My father loved mod. cons. and would have been in heaven these days.  But what a pest it was trying to work out how many bricks one would need to get through the midnight spook movie on Fridays.  Believe me there was no way I was going out in the dark and up the side of the house to fill the bucket.  Then came the gas heater.  I was warm in winter.

Cooling.  Fans, open windows, sometimes a block of ice in a tub in front of the fan.  That was it.
As much as I hated the cold, I hated the hot heat of what seemed an unending summer.  We did have a swimming pool made of canvas, the Christmas we got it, the rain fell for two weeks. The trouble was the water was too cold and I was forever putting in a jug of hot water to warm it up. Talk about the Princess and the Pea. I only liked the beach in the mornings or night, any other time and I burnt like a sausage on a bbq, had blistering headaches and usually nosebleeds.
Now I have indoor air-conditioning, lovely, tick that off the list.

I have an indoor toilet.  I feel sorry for every tree cut down for making toilet paper but I so appreciate their sacrifice for my comfort. I still have the memories of banging the toilet seat to scare away the wildlife that lived underneath. The slightest whiff of Phenol opens a Pandora's box of horrors that was an outdoor dunny.

But I do still wish for an all round verandah. I'd still get the north wind up my nose but I'd be in shade, in a swing or a chaise lounge with pillows and maybe a few pot plants that I'd actually water.
And out the back, a simple clothes line strung up so I didn't have to stagger down the yard to wrestle with the Hills Hoist.

And could I please win Tattslotto so I can employ a housekeeper.  

Clem also wanted chandeliers.  I have chandeliers, I love my chandeliers and I'll love them better when the housekeeper is here to polish them.

On my want list

 Dale Chiluly is a remarkable glass artist and lucky Elephant's Child saw some of his work at the Australian National Gallery.  This is a pool and his glass shapes are encased on the bottom with one of his marvellous chandeliers lighting up the water from above.  It would have cost me US$1.7 million in 2010 so it's going to be on the want list for quite some time. 

But this is just my all time want want want pool.  When I get old I can even just run the wheel chair straight in.  No steps, just a quick stroll to the deep end and swim.  I don't care what the cost, this is the pool I want in my backyard, after I buy out the neighbours.

Nice views.

This was my son's favourite house and he never passed it without taking another photo.
Now it's being torn down after the architect Frank Dixon failed to have the house put on the state heritage list. The Dixon family sold the house in 2005.
The owners will build a new home on the concrete pole, keeping the walkway and the silhouette of the house. In the original home, none of the windows opened but the new design will have retractable floor-to-ceiling  windows, a perimeter walkway with a glassed balustrade and a floating fireplace in the living area.
Another two storey, three bedroom dwelling will be built on the cliff-top behind and that's the main objection I would have.
The Dixon pole house needs to stand alone to be appreciated.
It has survived 3 bushfires including the 1983 Ash Wednesday blaze. As long as that famous silhouette remains the same I'll be happy. 
Happier still if I had the $550 a night to rent it.

No apples here

For a start I just love the gold butterfly mouse and would have it for the desktop because it's pretty.

But this is serious pretty. The Butterfly Lovers HP Mini 210. Gold and butterflies, it's calling to me.

Designed by Vivienne Tam, less than 3cm thick and blingingly gold. I am loving the gold. Apple Ipad, dull. Butterfly Lovers Rule! Priced at $799 but if you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Good for blogging the ghost ride over the Titanic.

FOR THE MIDDLE CHILD

Exquisite, non?

A perfume bottle of purple and gold blown glass by Joanne Gowen. The stopper is an ametrine gem wrapped in gold wire.

Is this on the want list? Right at the top.

THE INCOMPARABLE DIAMOND

That's what this beauty is called and rightly so. It was discovered in Mbuji Mayi and its weight as a rough diamond was 890 carats.

After four years of studying the rock, it was cut into a 407.48 carat gem, and is the third largest diamond ever to be cut. The cutting was done by a team lead by Marvin Samuels, who was the co-owner of the stone together with Donald Zale of Zales Jewellers and Louis Glick.

It would have been the largest but it had internal flaws that needed to be removed to show its true glory.

Even its display stand is in a class of its own and would look nice wherever I wanted.





I'm still looking for the Millenium gems to take my mind off the fact I have more "mother work to do". Looking at the bank statements I didn't know what TFN meant, I know it meant money was taken out but not what the letters stood for. Tax File Number, if I don't have it then the bank takes out withholding tax. Centrelink tells me that when you first go on the pension the Tax Office sends out your TFN which is yours forever. Oh goody, mother hasn't a clue, I don't even know what mine is although I remember getting a tax notice about July. So now I have to do the search and I'm hoping there's a local tax office so I don't have to go into the city. Why didn't the bank ask me for the TFN when I opened the account?



I've signed up for broadband because it includes free calls to optusnet mobiles which will save me money ringing mother who has just gone through $50 in a week on her mobile. So she'll get $30 for emergencies and I'll ring her. I just have a few questions to ask, just to clarify some facts like being told 12 month plan and finding 24 months on the contract. I want a landline phone and my own number, nothing changed. $60 a month for 2GB and unlimited calls which is less than I'm paying now, thanks to ma.



And Optusnet, give some spelling lessons to staff, pensioner is that not pentioner. No wonder I'm wasting time looking at diamonds. It's golden, the colour of Leo and on the want list.

MORE MY STYLE

Just look at this piece of yumyumgoodyallmine. 5.16 carats of rare flawless fancy blue diamond which was once part of De Beers Millenium Collection which was made up of 12 uniquely rare gems.
Sotheby's are putting it up for Auction in Hong Kong in April.
My birthday's in July.
I don't like waiting.
I want it now.
You can have the Prase.

SIX WEEKS TO SAVE UP AND BUY ME THIS

There's no doubt about the poms having style even though the country might be drowning in debt, Harrods are flying the flag for Christmas. Gold Christmas crackers, glitter leaf, gold bows, glitter gold feathers and Christmas trees. Almost too good to rip 'em apart except for the goodies inside.

You'll have to click to see the luxe inside the crackers but I have dibs on the cloisonne enamelled box with crystals although the fine socks would keep my toes warm for winter. I haven't a clue how to work an MP3 player and I don't have pierced ears (nipple studs for Andrew?).

It's a snip at 599 quid for six.

WHAT I REALLY NEED IS MORE BLING

Like these Swarovski crystal flash drives that River kindly sent to me.

And which would go perfectly with this elegant crystal mouse.
Or for my down in the dumps mood, a blast of crystal colour.
To go with this little item which is just crying out for Miss O'Dyne
to match it up with her travelling wheelie bag.

CONTINUING THE THEME OF THE EVENING

Sometimes two loves come together in a perfect package (not the tart, the headdress).

This is the Snow Queen Tiara by Lorenz Baumer, a finalist in the 2004 Bombay Sapphire Prize.

This is awarded by the Bombay Sapphire Foundation to promote outstanding artists, designers and architects working with glass.

I should be in the running, I work very well with a glass of Bombay in my hand.

I want that tiara, really really want that tiara.

WANT WANT WANT WANT

Tigtog has a new meme. Name eight places in your home country where you would like a house. I'm still working on the eight homes but in one of them I want this gorgeous Balinese day bed which is currently living in Daniella Helayel's designer home. I can see me lounging here with books, magazines and chocolates. It would have to be on a cliff overlooking the ocean. I like ocean storms.


But there seems to be something lacking. Something I'm sure I'd need. Oh yes, of course, The Butler.

ZULTANITE

At this rate it'll be July before I get to June's birthstone but I couldn't resist these pieces of Turkish Delight. Zultanite comes from only one source in a remote area of Anatolia, Turkey. It's mined by hand with chisels and pick axes in the mountains at heights of 4000 feet. It also belongs to my favourite category of gems, the colour change stones which show different views under different light sources, such as sunlight or indoor light.


Zultanite has durability, colour saturation, light play or scintillation. Its mineral name "Diaspore" comes from the Greek word "diaspora" to scatter. The kiwi greens with canary flashes in sunlight can change to pink raspberry hues in candlelight. The faceted stone can also show khaki, sage green, cognac pink, rich champagne, canary yellow or ginger in incandescent or candescent light. Like all colour change gems, the larger the Zultanite the more visible the colour change.


Zultanite has a double life as a gemstone. A few specimens show Chatoyancy, the cat's eye effect. It's a reflection that appears as a single bright band of light across the surface, caused by parallel inclusions in the stone.


The gem wasn't faceted until the late seventies and is still extremely rare in jewellery. The stone is very difficult to cut even by experienced cutters. Each crystal has to be orientated to get the best of its colour change and 98% of the crystal can be lost during the cut. Faceted Zultanite over 5 carat size is very rare.


As with all gems, it has esoteric properties attributed to it. If you want to believe, Zultanite can assist in the development of psychic power, astral force, ambition, intellect, desire and emotions.

It's definitely on my want list.

CHOCOLATE PEARLS

The dangers of the WWW. I went looking for this month's birthstone and became lost for hours. Those delightful earrings have as their centre piece, "Chocolate" pearls, a product of a bleaching process developed by Ballerina Pearls.

The Gemmological Institute of America conducted a series of spectroscopic tests, Infra-red, Near Infra-red Reflectance, Raman and Photo luminescence on chocolate cultured pearls, silver dyed Tahitian cultured pearls and natural colour Tahitian cultured pearls.

They also cut into two pearls to a depth of 1mm (pearl on the left) and a deeper cut toward the nucleus (pearl on the right). The induced colouration appeared homogenous throughout both pearls. The GIA deduced that the treatment alters the organic components of the pearl nacre unlike an introduced dye.

A dye or stain will only penetrate the top layers of nacre, lessening in intensity toward the nucleus. This dyeing process (using silver nitrate) will also work on white or grey South Sea pearls. Dyed "chocolate" pearls are considered a "treated" pearl.

The bleaching and heating process used on jet-black Tahitian pearls reduced the lustre but since the pearls chosen are usually a very shiny black, they end up with a warm iridescent copper, bronze or rust-brown glowing colour.

WITH ALL THE MONEY SAVED

I just can't stop thinking about all that money I'm saving. Here I was last week wandering around the Swarovski Crystal shop at Southland and thinking how expensive everything was and I didn't know I could afford these.

I wasn't overly impressed with the jewellery except for the pendant and that hit me right in the drool centre of my brain. It's called "Dementra". It has a sculpted-cut Copper crystal. Ceralun(TM) applied directly onto the facets and then set with light Colorado topaz, light smoked topaz, Golden Shadow and Fuchsia crystals. It really is a knock out, much better than the photo.

I liked these as well. The stems are filled with little crystals and the Bombay would be so sweet to drink from them. The first drink that is, the Bwca and I have a tendency to break glasses after the second. I think we broke glasses before we had the bottle open.

DEAR SANTA/BIRTHDAY FAIRY

I don't care what old tight-arse says, I LOVE THIS PENGUIN! You can find it and other penguin goodies

here.