Sunday, December 09, 2018

Mother is fading

Mother is neither here nor there.  She's seeing people in her room and she knows they're not real. I was helpful and told her not all angels wear wings for a welcoming.  She is worried about me being all on my own if she dies and she asked for my permission to die.
I told her it was her journey not mine but she was terrified to let go so now she feels she has half of herself here and the other half is somewhere else.  Her voice is like a whisper and she shakes.  She feels better if she wakes up and I'm there because I am real.
After 4 hours of travelling, shopping, sitting and talking last Friday, I sat down to take off my shoes and woke up 2 hours later with one shoe on and the other still in my hand.

The only thing to do today to relax was wander through Pinterest, spend money and dye the snow white out of my hair.  I now have my expensive Christmas chocolates, Champagne and cake.

Isn't that cat bed fabulous in the window?  The IceBear is making do with my office chair and a feather cushion by the back door where he can watch birds with making an effort.
If I was dumb enough to make a window bed for him I would be the one lifting the lump up. I'd need a bigger window or a smaller cat.

And just when I'm de-cluttering, I spot this Christmas deco idea.  I had little glass salt and pepper shakers for the bottoms and the silver tops would be the hats which would be great if they weren't down in the Op Shop where someone else is using this idea. 
I couldn't find baubles in the colour I wanted until I was de-cluttering the make up drawer and found a bottle of Avon non shiny Cranberry nail polish.  Worked a treat, one small bottle did two coats and I'm now to the stage of clear polish for snow sprinkles in a pattern. I'm sick of de-cluttering tv programmes where the house ends up looking like a shed just looking for a barn dance. At the moment I can walk through the lounge as long as I stick to the un cluttered tracks and the cat. I am firmly convince you cannot de-hoard a born hoarder.  I might have lost the snowmen but I have a divine red bauble.


Elephant's Child said...

Look after yourself. Please.

River said...

I love the snowmen on the candlesticks idea. Echoing EC, please look after yourself.
Sorry to hear mother is fading, but sad that she's afraid to go. Reassure her that you will be fine.
I posted your mince pies this morning. Have a spoon ready in case they get crushed or broken along the way.

Ann ODyne said...

falling asleep still holding a shoe is definite exhaustion. As Elephants up the River advised, look after yourself. You have given your Mum every ounce of your strength for the past decade, you can relax a bit now without the slightest guilt.
Your resourceful nailpolish creativity has plenty more to come yet.
Have you seen that Target ad with the massively decorated xmas house = 5 wreaths up the stairs etc? They obvs inspired by the Home Alone house. I cannot believe anybody really lives like that.
Love from the bush

JahTeh said...

El Chi, I thought I could walk away like my sister but I can't. I couldn't leave my dogs and cats when they were going so how could I leave my mother. She was so terrified today and no-one came near her, only one staff member who came to say she'd be back with her on Thursday. If I hadn't gone down she'd have lain there all day, frightened and shaking.To say to me that they were short on staff was really inviting a punch in the mouth.

River, a spoon, really, I have a carton of cream and a front end loader at the ready.
I thought of you the minute I saw those snowmen but wouldn't Lola love that window bed.

Annie O, tomorrow will be a horror, before I could stop my sister she rang mum's twin and arranged for her to come down. My grandmother, my aunt and mum all begged us to keep her away from them when they were ill. They got the horrors when she sat with them, called her the angel of death. I'm talking about someone who was a serial funeral attendee even when she didn't know who had died. I know she's almost blind and has a cancer but mum will freak.
All those decorations is why I will never have another tree. I have a big cane flat basket and the shiny balls just get balanced on that. I don't worry about the cat, he wouldn't move, playing is just so beneath him.
The only exception I make are the baubles at David Jones, oh drool, gorgeous.

JahTeh said...

I must mention that I felt no guilt at buying a box of chocolates costing $50 when the cat food added up to $55.

Cheryl said...

I am certain your Mum knows that you give her all your loving care, please take care of yourself.A beautiful treat is so good to enjoy, I love Baci chocolates and make poinsettia cocktails (Prosecco, Cointrwau and cranberry juice) at this time of year

River said...

Agreed! When did cat food get so expensive! It's costing me half my budget to keep Lola happy and after a recent set back her appetite returned with a vengeance.
I may have to get myself some chocolates, haven't had any in a long while. Family blocks of plain chocolate don't count.

JahTeh said...

Cheryl G, that drink sounds divine and something I'll want when I fall in the door tonight. The chocolates are Davies and made in Australia, sold from the web site and delivered free. I went through that web site for ages before the great choosing. Do you know I can actually taste the flavours in that drink.

River, his dental kibble costs $40 a bag and he will only eat Fancy Feast. At the moment he's been having extra early in the morning because I'm home so late. He's so fussy he'll only drink from the dish with some dorky character from Frozen on the bottom.

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