Monday, June 17, 2019

The weather, politics and Dutton are not worthy of conversation but ice cream is.

I've made this extra large, don't let it hit you in the eye but I have to start early to remind you my birthday is drawing near, well a month and a half but at my age one's friends have the same memory problems that I do.  Not that I should be thinking of beautiful rings since arthritis has hit my ring finger with a vengeance.  It's burning and painful and it has a habit of hitting every door right on the knuckle. I expect you to start saving now, I'm very high maintenance.

Apparently Amazon is selling a bracelet that gives you an electric shock if you eat too much food.  Buy me one at your peril.  I just stole that piece of crud from twitter so didn't bother to do any research on it, being totally shocked as I was.  It's bad enough being psychologically monstered for being big obese morbidly big as a small house would feed the starving of Africa but this is too much.  Now we, XXXXXXXL, are going to be physically attacked.  I really should go back and research because I cannot work out how the damn thing would know how much food I'd eaten to access my overeateness.  A leg of pork would weigh more than a tub of ice cream.  Does it have a direct line of communication with my stomach?  Does my stomach scream, "stop the bitch, I'm full to bursting"!  At the moment I'm going through a tub of passionfruit gelato but it's so cold, yum but stomach whines at the freezing and I have to have a cup of coffee to warm it up.  Why doesn't anyone make a decent passionfruit ice cream with real passionfruit not just flavour?  Sorry went off the track there, passionfruit does that to me and I had a vision of pavlova with passionfruit running down the sides of whipped cream.  Lost my train of fruit thought, about these bracelets and the size, the photo made them look small and since I just measured my wrist, I'd need one the size of a Dunlop.

I have bought a new cooker at last.  It's sitting in the lounge just waiting to be installed.  This is complicated, I bought it in the sales, the money I saved went on the delivery fee, cunning bastards.  It must be installed by a plumber or my insurance is out, umpteen certificates must be produced to say it is safe so whack $249 on the sale price.  Stupid me didn't ask how much to take it away, $20 but that is a lot of ice cream and I'll make the nephew take it out at hard rubbish time. For that price I refuse to clean it but it won't look too bad once I remove the foil.  I'll also remove the grill tray, for scone cooking. Take the side thingies out of the oven to grow my little tomatoes on this summer. The pot thingies on top will be good for sitting the pot plants on. I realize that this spotless white lovely cooker is going to make the rest of the kitchen look like a pig wallow.  Life was never meant to be easy or clean.  


Elephant's Child said...

That is a truly dramatic piece of bling.
I hear you on the repeated bashing of a sore spot on every door. If an inanimate object can choose the right spot to inflict maximum pain Amazon may be on to something. I suspect it give you/us a shock every time we swallow.

Cheryl said...

I am tidying out drawers in the hope that the copper bracelet I bought years ago will turn up to ease my sore arthritic fingers. How gullible do they think people are to waste their money on that shonky bracelet. Why can't people just live how they want without the fun police encroaching on them. I like your ideas for using the parts from your old oven, great upcycling !

River said...

A bracelet the size of a Dunlop? Good luck getting one of those through customs! you don't need one anyway. It's easy enough to tell when you've had enough food: the ice cream tub is empty. I love that ring and I also love the repurposing of stove components. I never would have thought of that.
I had a passionfruit vine in my previous home, the ex planted it on a trellis along the back fence because he was convinced the neighbours over there could see into our kitchen. Neither of us eats passionfruit, so of course the vine produced fruit by the bucketload. You should plant one, grow it up the springs of an old bed frame or something.

Andrew said...

It doesn't sound like there will be much of the old stove left to put out for hard rubbish. I think the bracelet should be a ring to go around your waist. If it expands, shocko! Stop eating and all will be well.

JahTeh said...

El Chi, if you're going to eat that much then you're not going to buy this and you'll kill anyone who gives it to you as a gift. It's like those fitbit things, walking ten thousand steps a day, laughed at that one. One I could do with is how many times do I have to step over the damn cat.

Cheryl, hard to believe but I don't overeat, I can't stand that full to the brim feeling. I didn't think those copper bracelets worked but I know that you can buy a mattress with copper threaded through the top layer.
I'll have to be fast with the recyling, I know the nephew has his eye on it for re-selling the steel bits.

River, everyone had a passionfruit vine when I was young, delicious straight from the vine until I discovered that it was the favourite nesting place for Huntsman spiders. My place seems to love citrus trees. The orange tree is loaded this year but still not ready for picking, they need more chill air and it seems we are going to get it.

Andrew, at least I bought one with a separate grill, all the others have the grill in the oven part. Shocko, stop eating and here's you giving us the menus you've been through this year.

Beth Waltz said...

Never mind the stingy thingy, I was one a guest in a beautifully decorated home whose hostess had placed a scales directly in front of the 'fridge. As we guests assisted our hostess in clearing the dining room, we all stepped around it without comment -- but out in the car park, conversations were along the line of, "...brilliant! but I'd rig some sort of horn on mine. Maybe a recording of a pig snorting, d'y think?"

JahTeh said...

Beth, that sent chills down my spine, I'd starve to death. As for a horn, it would take the cat two days to realize that standing in front of the fridge would bring me running to feed the fat feline. A better idea would be to rig the scales so the door would automatically lock for 15 minutes to make you decide whether you really wanted that snack. I would stand there for half an hour if I was desperate.

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