I've been tidying and throwning out and if the bin inspectors take a look next garbage day, I'm blaming it all on the BOH. Anyway I found a folder way back in the bottom drawer and I've been laughing for the last half hour. Remember the good old days when computers were things of wonder and blogs were a joy to read before Facebook came and turned brains into jelly? Nothing like a good cup of coffee and the daily email meme to start the day.
This meme has a date of Monday, 25 October, 2004. Only the name has been changed of the retired subject.
LIE CLOCK
A man died and went to heaven.
As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's, The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Tony Abbot's?" asked the man.
"Tony's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
It just goes to show that a good meme never dies, it's just recycled as required.
Showing posts with label Meme. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Meme. Show all posts
Monday, May 05, 2014
Monday, August 26, 2013
Nothing like a good meme.
PONDERISMS
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a phone camera these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again...
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a bush fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
And why haven't any of these questions ever occurred to me before I received this meme email?
Sunday, October 14, 2012
My brain is loose, running wild somewhere pleasant
Two days at the Home is my maximum tolerance for oldies and I made it three this week.
*Smacks face hard and promises not to do it again*
So my brain has gone away to find its happy place, the one where chocolate has no calories, booze doesn't give hangovers and shortbread and hot cups of tea magically appear beside the bed in the morning. I think it also has pink clouds with silver linings.
I have to write up the minutes of the Relatives and Residents meeting and call VicRoad on their behalf. We tried the Local Council whose offices are on the corner of the same street to get them to do something about the speeding cars, a slow down sign would have done but they told us that it was up to VicRoad. They're up for election in November so you would have thought they might have made an official call for us, no, too busy making election promises.
So, on to the movie meme, part the four of.
4. Name the best movie title.
Hard, really hard. Oh yeah, Die Hard, because Bruce Willis didn't and everybody else did. My sister refuses to watch these films because they're violent, she prefers cerebral films where the violence is psychological. The 'Die Hard' franchise is fantasy violence, no-one could take that much and still live. I loved Die Hard 4.0, nobody jumps onto a jet that's crashing and jumps off again but it seems to be the chemistry between the actors in these films that make them enjoyable to me. I just love Justin Long.
5. Describe the worst performance by a child actor that you've ever seen.
Difficult. The Plastic Mancunian went for the kid who played Anakin Skywalker and I have to agree he was an annoying little twit. But I'm going for an adult who acts like a child in every film I've seen him in, Adam Sandler. Can't stand him but he is slightly below Jerry Lewis in my loathe ratings.
6. Who gets your vote for the most tragic movie monster.
The Creature from the Black Lagoon. I know I usually refer to my ex as him but only because he looks like it. Poor Creature, all he wanted was the blonde tart to like him and all she could do was scream. I can't remember the ending but I think he was spear-gunned but not killed because they made a sequel. Honestly the films we watched at the Saturday arvo sessions would not get a rating now.
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
Meme, part three
Mother asked me today if I was going to have Christmas dinner with her. Oh crap, it's that close to bloody Christmas. I feel like opening a vein.
Now on to the meme.
Question 3. Name your favourite femme fatale.
There wasn't a question about a favourite villain so I'm going with Glen Close as Cruella DeVille.
101 Dalmatians and 102 Dalmatians, she owned those two films. Manic and comic, nobody else could have been better. She didn't even have to open her mouth to make me laugh, the face was enough.
The bunny boiler was good but the puppy stealer was better.
If I'm lucky I can string this meme out until Christmas.
October, Halloween, I haven't made a costume. Anyone got any dalmatians for sale?
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Movie Meme - Question two
Question two - What classic film would you nominate for a remake?
That would be none.
Casablanca without Bogey and Bergman
Wizard of Oz without Judy
Gone with the Wind without Viv Leigh
Arsenic and Old Lace without Cary Grant
All about Eve without Bette Davis.
Just a few off the top of my head that I can think off that just wouldn't have the same chemistry without the stars, wardrobe, scenery and co-stars.
A recent re-make although not a classic is a point in question.
"Clash of the Titans", vintage l981. Watched this with the boys in the comfortable old Balwyn Cinema and it wasn't a great story but it was a pretty movie to watch. Stars Harry Hamlin and Judy Bowker were both pretty even the flying horse was pretty. The Kraken wasn't but this was before CGI and we watched what we got. The scenery and the wardrobe of the rest of the cast was beautiful, colour was spectacular, Ursula Andress glowing but then she was playing off set with the pretty Harry. I enjoyed all of it.
Not so much the remake with Sam Worthington whose Aussie accent could have decapitated the Gorgon with a word not a sword. Okay so the world back then probably was grey, dirty and gritty but trying to watch it was like watching a Grand Final through a snow/hail/rain/thunderstorm. It had less of a story than version 1, more gore, more hairy men and CGI monsters though. The female 'sacrifice du jour' I can't even picture, but Judy Bowker I still remember from version 1. Fortunately I didn't pay out money to see this but watched it on TV and I doubt it would have been any better on a large screen. I didn't mind Sam in Terminator Salvation but couldn't have someone done something with his strine in this film.
For the last word on remakes, George Lukas regrets playing around with the first StarWars film and putting in more CGI characters just because he could, it added nothing and annoyed us, the devoted fans of the original.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Movie Meme
This was a good meme put out by The Plastic Mancunian and I've been trying to fill it all out for a week so I thought maybe one question at a time.
1. What is your all time favourite movie costume?
All through the first StarWars movie Princess Leia was head to toe covered by fabric and who could forget those coffee scroll head braids. I loved the movie then and still watch it now.
We couldn't wait for the next episode to hit the big screen and when the Princess came out from all those layers and you could practically hear the schoolboys drooling in the theatre.
The outfit might have been skimpy but she managed to strangle Jabba the Hut with a chain and not show any more than she was showing here. I think this part of the 3rd film is my favourite before we have to put up with the Ewoks.
It was a great costume and made a statement the Princess lived up to.
1. What is your all time favourite movie costume?
All through the first StarWars movie Princess Leia was head to toe covered by fabric and who could forget those coffee scroll head braids. I loved the movie then and still watch it now.
We couldn't wait for the next episode to hit the big screen and when the Princess came out from all those layers and you could practically hear the schoolboys drooling in the theatre.
It was a great costume and made a statement the Princess lived up to.
Monday, June 11, 2012
The Drifting River meme
1. You're taking a three month holiday, no expenses spared, do you cruise the oceans or fly the skies?
I charter the Queen Mary11. I will have the luxury suites on the upper deck and all my blog mates get the rest of the ship. I order the Captain to cruise the coastlines of Australia (including Tassie) and New Zealand.
2. If you could ask God for one world-wide miracle, what would it be?
Turn the Arms and munitions dealers on the sex and drug traders, all out war with no collateral damage.
3. Would you choose sky diving or deep sea diving? (why?)
Deep sea diving with James Cameron. Well it's a no brainer isn't it? Would you stand around happy knowing I was hurtling towards earth with only a flimsy parachute on my back? It'd be the dinosaurs all over again.
4. Would you choose having your wishes granted or having the power to grant wishes?
Neither, people would hate you either way and who am I to do a goddess out of a job.
5. If you could pick a song to be a world anthem, what would it be?
Just "Imagine"
6. Do you dream in black and white or colour?
Vivid colour and widescreen, fortunately not 3-D.
7. Three-course meals or one-pot dinners?
I can't eat a 3 course meal, it's either entree and pudding or main. When I'm alone, it's everything in the one pot, eat with a fork but don't forget the linen napkin, I do have class.
8. Do you menu plan, shop for two weeks worth of ingredients, then serve up toast and jam for dinner?
Of course not, toast and jam is for afters. After the donuts, spring rolls and anything else I can cram in the microwave.
9. Do you dye your hair a totally different colour from what nature intended?
Dye is such an ugly word. One enhances one's natural colour or the colour one would have had if one had been given a choice.
10. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?
What, move away from Godsowncountry, at least the bit that Gina doesn't own, sorry rent.
11. Do you change your home decor to suit the seasons or do you just leave things as they are year in year out?
If something doesn't stick out like a sore thumb then it's decor'd to perfection. I move nothing, it disturbs the dust bunnies.
I charter the Queen Mary11. I will have the luxury suites on the upper deck and all my blog mates get the rest of the ship. I order the Captain to cruise the coastlines of Australia (including Tassie) and New Zealand.
2. If you could ask God for one world-wide miracle, what would it be?
Turn the Arms and munitions dealers on the sex and drug traders, all out war with no collateral damage.
3. Would you choose sky diving or deep sea diving? (why?)
Deep sea diving with James Cameron. Well it's a no brainer isn't it? Would you stand around happy knowing I was hurtling towards earth with only a flimsy parachute on my back? It'd be the dinosaurs all over again.
4. Would you choose having your wishes granted or having the power to grant wishes?
Neither, people would hate you either way and who am I to do a goddess out of a job.
5. If you could pick a song to be a world anthem, what would it be?
Just "Imagine"
6. Do you dream in black and white or colour?
Vivid colour and widescreen, fortunately not 3-D.
7. Three-course meals or one-pot dinners?
I can't eat a 3 course meal, it's either entree and pudding or main. When I'm alone, it's everything in the one pot, eat with a fork but don't forget the linen napkin, I do have class.
8. Do you menu plan, shop for two weeks worth of ingredients, then serve up toast and jam for dinner?
Of course not, toast and jam is for afters. After the donuts, spring rolls and anything else I can cram in the microwave.
9. Do you dye your hair a totally different colour from what nature intended?
Dye is such an ugly word. One enhances one's natural colour or the colour one would have had if one had been given a choice.
10. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?
What, move away from Godsowncountry, at least the bit that Gina doesn't own, sorry rent.
11. Do you change your home decor to suit the seasons or do you just leave things as they are year in year out?
If something doesn't stick out like a sore thumb then it's decor'd to perfection. I move nothing, it disturbs the dust bunnies.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Which card are you?
You are The High Priestess
Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.
The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
FOOD MEME PART THREE
11. If your partner could take you to any restaurant, where would you go?
Anywhere with comfortable seating, preferably banquettes. Anywhere they discreetly roll out the pastry wagon (not trolley, I know what I mean). No place where I can see slabs of meat being slapped on hot coals or somewhere that has a tank of fish for the choosing. So I'd have to say, a pastry shop with good coffee and banquette seating and a set of scales in the doorway that only weighs going in.
12. Soup or salad?
I only enjoy Heinz tomato soup when I'm crook so it's salad all the way. Potato salad with fresh mint, Greek salad with kalamata olives and creamy feta cheese, Coleslaw with pineapple, Rice salad with sultanas and grated carrot and toasted almonds. I have to stop I'm chewing on my arm.
13. Buffet, take-out or sit down?
Not the Buffet. A fat person going to the Buffet table is watched by every anorexic tart in the place. I'm not kidding, you can feel the hunger vibes with every spoonful.
Take-out is great but not if you don't have a car. The take-out ends up breeding salmonella by the bucket load if you have to walk it home.
Sit down take-out Buffet with a butler handing me the silver service, draping the Egyptian 500 thread cotton serviette round my neck and programming the DVD for a Harry Potter marathon is my idea of a good night.
14. What's the most impressive meal you've ever made?
A full Indian, Sri Lankan Thai banquet which was ruined by a political discussion turning violent with most of the guests of a differing political persuasion attacking the host.
And that was before they got stuck into the booze. Most of the neighbours have now upwardly mobiled themselves far far away but I bet they're still as boorish and rude as they were that night.
15. Do you consider yourself a good cook?
I used to be but now I consider myself an excellent reader of cook books and cake blogs. Any morning I can boil the eggs to perfection and get them out of the pot without dropping them in the sink is a good morning.
16. Do you know what vichyssoise is?
It's French. Something to do with potatoes, leeks and chicken stock and you can serve it cold.
There's something horribly wrong with cold soup.
17. Who's your favourite TV cook?
It has to be two, Simon Bryant and Maggie Beer. I love what they do with the most incredible ingredients and they tell you about them, where they're grown and who grows them. I just close my eyes when they go to choose some clucker, moo or bah for the chop. It's all very well to tell me that they've lived a happy free range life and death was peaceful but slapping a slab of meat on the counter when I'm still out there free ranging isn't my bag.
18. Can you name 3 famous cooking personalities?
Stephanie Alexander, bless her for the school vegetable garden scheme.
Margaret Fulton, who started my passion for food when I saw her full colour cook books.
Nigella Lawson because she licks the spoon when baking a cake. She was a great favourite but the sexy cooking act is a bit too staged these days and I find her boring.
19. Home made or home made from a box.
If we're talking weetbix, it's home made from a box. Anything else from a box is useless because the instructions always say, add meat or add something else and if you can't make the dinner out of the box itself, what's the point. Home made from a bottle is something else, vegetables and bottle pasta sauce is my staple diet. ( don't mention the apple cakes)
20. I'm supposed to tag 3 more foodies but in my circle of blog friends I might be better off trying to tag 3 more boozers.
Anywhere with comfortable seating, preferably banquettes. Anywhere they discreetly roll out the pastry wagon (not trolley, I know what I mean). No place where I can see slabs of meat being slapped on hot coals or somewhere that has a tank of fish for the choosing. So I'd have to say, a pastry shop with good coffee and banquette seating and a set of scales in the doorway that only weighs going in.
12. Soup or salad?
I only enjoy Heinz tomato soup when I'm crook so it's salad all the way. Potato salad with fresh mint, Greek salad with kalamata olives and creamy feta cheese, Coleslaw with pineapple, Rice salad with sultanas and grated carrot and toasted almonds. I have to stop I'm chewing on my arm.
13. Buffet, take-out or sit down?
Not the Buffet. A fat person going to the Buffet table is watched by every anorexic tart in the place. I'm not kidding, you can feel the hunger vibes with every spoonful.
Take-out is great but not if you don't have a car. The take-out ends up breeding salmonella by the bucket load if you have to walk it home.
Sit down take-out Buffet with a butler handing me the silver service, draping the Egyptian 500 thread cotton serviette round my neck and programming the DVD for a Harry Potter marathon is my idea of a good night.
14. What's the most impressive meal you've ever made?
A full Indian, Sri Lankan Thai banquet which was ruined by a political discussion turning violent with most of the guests of a differing political persuasion attacking the host.
And that was before they got stuck into the booze. Most of the neighbours have now upwardly mobiled themselves far far away but I bet they're still as boorish and rude as they were that night.
15. Do you consider yourself a good cook?
I used to be but now I consider myself an excellent reader of cook books and cake blogs. Any morning I can boil the eggs to perfection and get them out of the pot without dropping them in the sink is a good morning.
16. Do you know what vichyssoise is?
It's French. Something to do with potatoes, leeks and chicken stock and you can serve it cold.
There's something horribly wrong with cold soup.
17. Who's your favourite TV cook?
It has to be two, Simon Bryant and Maggie Beer. I love what they do with the most incredible ingredients and they tell you about them, where they're grown and who grows them. I just close my eyes when they go to choose some clucker, moo or bah for the chop. It's all very well to tell me that they've lived a happy free range life and death was peaceful but slapping a slab of meat on the counter when I'm still out there free ranging isn't my bag.
18. Can you name 3 famous cooking personalities?
Stephanie Alexander, bless her for the school vegetable garden scheme.
Margaret Fulton, who started my passion for food when I saw her full colour cook books.
Nigella Lawson because she licks the spoon when baking a cake. She was a great favourite but the sexy cooking act is a bit too staged these days and I find her boring.
19. Home made or home made from a box.
If we're talking weetbix, it's home made from a box. Anything else from a box is useless because the instructions always say, add meat or add something else and if you can't make the dinner out of the box itself, what's the point. Home made from a bottle is something else, vegetables and bottle pasta sauce is my staple diet. ( don't mention the apple cakes)
20. I'm supposed to tag 3 more foodies but in my circle of blog friends I might be better off trying to tag 3 more boozers.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
FOOD MEME - PART TWO
6. What food can you so not eat?
Foie Gras. Tripe. Anything I've been introduced to. Anything I'd have to kill myself. Pig's ears, not even Nigella can make eating them sexy. Duck's feet, actually anything feet. Not even swimsuit boy in his yumminess could make me chomp on his feet.
7. You need a drink, you grab a...........
Cute waiter, well I'm thirsty and I need attention. mumble, mumble back to the meme. If it's summer then soda water with lemon and a million ice cubes. If the sun is over the yardarm then add Bombay. If it's winter, coffee with cocoa in the morning and Earl Grey tea in the afternoon. (I'se so terribly refined)
I also love fruit smoothies at any time but the kilojules would bust a diet in the manner of Humpty Dumpty, never to be put back together.
8. What's the most decadent dish you've every had?
Ooh, there was that time we used that sweet thing as a serving platter for Petit Fours using his navel for a sugar basin for the tea. What? I see, cooked dish. Damn, I don't think I've ever had a decadent dish. Does eating fish and chips out of clean white paper instead of newsprint count?
I did eat one of those enormous ice-cream sundaes with 5 flavours, chopped nuts, raspberry, chocolate and passionfruit syrup. It was when the City Square went all underground with lounge chairs, for which the homeless were eternally grateful, and they had an American type ice-cream parlor. The sundae came in an 8 inch tall champagne type plastic container.
9. What's your favourite type of food?
Nothing that's moving. Nothing I have to eat with chopsticks. Nothing I have to share with anybody. Something I can eat with fingers in front of the teev or with one fork and one dish. Nothing on bamboo skewers, everything falls off after the first bite.
10. Favourite dish.
Do you have an hour to read this? I've already done bread, pavlova, chocolate, ice-cream.
I do love pasta with a yum sauce especially papardelle pasta. I never eat pasta outside, in public or on a first date. It is an anti-social dish best eaten with a tea towell and painting drop sheet. I have never yet eaten a whole dish without dropping half down the cleavage. It also has to have three cheeses (kilojules again) parmesan, romano and cheddar. Don't forget the garlic and herb bread for mopping up.
You see why I'm doing this in parts? The hunger, I'm like a vampire on speed when reading food blogs especially the cake blogs. It's a blessing I've become too lazy to cook, looking at the pictures is enough. And, weighing oneself in the bathroom instead of the bedroom drops the scales out of the redwarningdanger by 2kgs. W00T!
Foie Gras. Tripe. Anything I've been introduced to. Anything I'd have to kill myself. Pig's ears, not even Nigella can make eating them sexy. Duck's feet, actually anything feet. Not even swimsuit boy in his yumminess could make me chomp on his feet.
7. You need a drink, you grab a...........
Cute waiter, well I'm thirsty and I need attention. mumble, mumble back to the meme. If it's summer then soda water with lemon and a million ice cubes. If the sun is over the yardarm then add Bombay. If it's winter, coffee with cocoa in the morning and Earl Grey tea in the afternoon. (I'se so terribly refined)
I also love fruit smoothies at any time but the kilojules would bust a diet in the manner of Humpty Dumpty, never to be put back together.
8. What's the most decadent dish you've every had?
Ooh, there was that time we used that sweet thing as a serving platter for Petit Fours using his navel for a sugar basin for the tea. What? I see, cooked dish. Damn, I don't think I've ever had a decadent dish. Does eating fish and chips out of clean white paper instead of newsprint count?
I did eat one of those enormous ice-cream sundaes with 5 flavours, chopped nuts, raspberry, chocolate and passionfruit syrup. It was when the City Square went all underground with lounge chairs, for which the homeless were eternally grateful, and they had an American type ice-cream parlor. The sundae came in an 8 inch tall champagne type plastic container.
9. What's your favourite type of food?
Nothing that's moving. Nothing I have to eat with chopsticks. Nothing I have to share with anybody. Something I can eat with fingers in front of the teev or with one fork and one dish. Nothing on bamboo skewers, everything falls off after the first bite.
10. Favourite dish.
Do you have an hour to read this? I've already done bread, pavlova, chocolate, ice-cream.
I do love pasta with a yum sauce especially papardelle pasta. I never eat pasta outside, in public or on a first date. It is an anti-social dish best eaten with a tea towell and painting drop sheet. I have never yet eaten a whole dish without dropping half down the cleavage. It also has to have three cheeses (kilojules again) parmesan, romano and cheddar. Don't forget the garlic and herb bread for mopping up.
You see why I'm doing this in parts? The hunger, I'm like a vampire on speed when reading food blogs especially the cake blogs. It's a blessing I've become too lazy to cook, looking at the pictures is enough. And, weighing oneself in the bathroom instead of the bedroom drops the scales out of the redwarningdanger by 2kgs. W00T!
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
FOOD MEME - PART ONE
I have to do this in stages or I'll end up sobbing. The scales were most unkind this morning probably something to do with humidity affecting the internal workings of the machine. Anyway, chocolate, ice-cream, apple cakes (sob) and anything else remotely pleasurable is verboten.
1. What's your No. 1 comfort food?
I know you lot, you're all thinking chocolate, right? Wrong, it's bread. Gorgeous wonderful bread in all its varieties especially straight from the oven. And with butter, which I'm not allowed to have but occasionally sneak onto a bread anything. Is there anything more delicious than a sausage with fried onions and tomato sauce on a thick slab of fresh white bread? Sanatarium make tofu sausages that almost equal the meat sausages so I recommend them. There's a shop in Hampton that bakes huge blocks of Turkish bread, divine. Cheese bread with olives and tomatoes......... I'm dying here.
2. If you were stranded on a desert island, what 5 foods would you want to have with you to survive on?
All the fixings to make bread.
Chocolate.
Butter for the bread.
Ice-cream to put the chocolate on.
Gin. Bombay Sapphire is too a food especially if it has a lemon in it.
3. What are your signature dishes (what dishes are you known for making)?
I had signature dishes once when I used to cook. It makes me tired just to think about them.
I used to make tiny meatballs wrapped in bacon, on a bed of rice, covered with a tomato sauce and sliced stuffed olives.
I used to make a Christmas cake full of fruit full of booze but not ordinary booze, Tia Maria which gave it a coffee kick.
Then there was the year (talk about Julie and Julia) where I cooked my way through Charmaine Solomon's Asian cookbook. I even made my own coconut milk and hand ground the spices.
My signature dish is now bread and jam and ice-cream with melted chocolate, okay two signature dishes.
4. It's Friday, you don't know what to cook, you opt for......
Chips. If I want to be fancy, chip butties. If I've forgotten to buy spuds, it's butties anything that hasn't died in the fridge. I know chips come under cooking but if you can cook it in your sleep, technically it isn't cooking.
5. What's your ultimate food weakness?
Pavlova. Coffee pavlova, plain pavlova with cream and passionfruit, praline pavlova with chocolate cream, anything pavlova. I'm like a truffle pig, I can sniff out a pav within three miles.
At a buffet, I start at the Pavlova end and finish there. Crispy shell on the outside, luscious marshmallow melting centre, whipped cream and raspberries with drizzled melted chocolate. If only they made blokes like this, I could get to like sex again.
1. What's your No. 1 comfort food?
I know you lot, you're all thinking chocolate, right? Wrong, it's bread. Gorgeous wonderful bread in all its varieties especially straight from the oven. And with butter, which I'm not allowed to have but occasionally sneak onto a bread anything. Is there anything more delicious than a sausage with fried onions and tomato sauce on a thick slab of fresh white bread? Sanatarium make tofu sausages that almost equal the meat sausages so I recommend them. There's a shop in Hampton that bakes huge blocks of Turkish bread, divine. Cheese bread with olives and tomatoes......... I'm dying here.
2. If you were stranded on a desert island, what 5 foods would you want to have with you to survive on?
All the fixings to make bread.
Chocolate.
Butter for the bread.
Ice-cream to put the chocolate on.
Gin. Bombay Sapphire is too a food especially if it has a lemon in it.
3. What are your signature dishes (what dishes are you known for making)?
I had signature dishes once when I used to cook. It makes me tired just to think about them.
I used to make tiny meatballs wrapped in bacon, on a bed of rice, covered with a tomato sauce and sliced stuffed olives.
I used to make a Christmas cake full of fruit full of booze but not ordinary booze, Tia Maria which gave it a coffee kick.
Then there was the year (talk about Julie and Julia) where I cooked my way through Charmaine Solomon's Asian cookbook. I even made my own coconut milk and hand ground the spices.
My signature dish is now bread and jam and ice-cream with melted chocolate, okay two signature dishes.
4. It's Friday, you don't know what to cook, you opt for......
Chips. If I want to be fancy, chip butties. If I've forgotten to buy spuds, it's butties anything that hasn't died in the fridge. I know chips come under cooking but if you can cook it in your sleep, technically it isn't cooking.
5. What's your ultimate food weakness?
Pavlova. Coffee pavlova, plain pavlova with cream and passionfruit, praline pavlova with chocolate cream, anything pavlova. I'm like a truffle pig, I can sniff out a pav within three miles.
At a buffet, I start at the Pavlova end and finish there. Crispy shell on the outside, luscious marshmallow melting centre, whipped cream and raspberries with drizzled melted chocolate. If only they made blokes like this, I could get to like sex again.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I MEMED
A – Age. Young enough not to care who knows it which doesn't mean I'm going to tell you.
B- Bed size A queen size. Room for me, my books, my walkman, notepads, cassettes (there's an age give-away) and the Butler’s tea tray.
C- Chore you hate. Housework, gardening, sex and saving money, breaking in a new Butler.
I couldn't choose one, they're all at the top of the list.
D - Dog’s name. Don't have one now but if I do buy one, its name will be Harold the Elk.
Thank you Lord Hughes.
Memo to self: see if the Butler would go for a name change.
E - Essential start to your day. Apart from sunlight streaming in the window, Earl Grey Tea, black, no sugar, served by the Butler.
F - favorite colour. Mulberry and black. It's the Butler's livery.
G - gold or silver. Yellow gold, not rose gold or white gold.
If you’re going for white gold you might as well go platinum and hang the expense.
H- height. Six foot 2 inches. It’s my meme, I can lie if I want to.
I – instruments. Poker machines.
J – job. Work? That’s what the Butler’s for.
K – kids. I’m allergic to anything under the age of consent.
L - living arrangements. Blissfully alone, except for the Butler.
M - Mum's name. My dad used to call her ‘Angel’.
It’s unprintable what I’ve called her in the last week.
N – Nicknames. Puhleeese, with my height and the Butler trailing behind, no-one would dare.
O - overnight hospital stay other than birth. There’s not enough room on this blog to catalogue. I’ll go with the first one before I was 12 months old. I had a throat infection which obstructed my breathing so the men-in-white carted me off to Fairfield Infectious Diseases Hospital without my mother in attendance. I was kept there for a week, no contact with family until my mother came and got me. She was never told what was wrong with me or what treatment I was given. And you wonder why I love the X-Files. Unfortunately I only found out after Fairfield was closed so now I’ll never know.
P - pet peeve. Comments about my weight. People smoking near me. People drinking too much and being obnoxious. Kids who barf on me. Football players who can’t keep it in their pants. Sam Newman who can’t keep his gob shut. Men who think women are inferior when we actually rule the world, albeit in secret. Creationists. (I would time travel them back to the dinosaurs to try living with them since they’re so convinced)
The list is endless. I’m a grumpy old woman.
Q - Quote from a movie. “We’re gunna need a bigger boat” That statement applies to everything that goes wrong. I love that film.
R - robot or human. With some blokes you can’t tell.
Pardon me while I go check the Butler.
S – Siblings. Sister but then I can’t be certain. I may have been swapped for an alien at Fairfield.
T - time you wake up. After the Butler arrives and before the tea goes cold.
U – underwear. Commando in the house, Bombay bloomers in the street.
I wouldn’t want to frighten the horses if I fell over.
V - Vegetable you dislike. Besides Sam Newman? Okra, chokoes, eggplant and sweet potato.
W- ways you run late. I am never late or the Butler gets fired.
X - X-rays you've had. Too many, I probably glow in the dark.
Y - Yummy food you make. I used to be a great cook but I’ve lost the knack except for a booze laden Christmas cake that can prove lethal. Fortunately the Butler seems to have been trained at the Ritz.
Z - Zoo favourite. I hate zoos except for endangered species but I love otters. I always head for the otters.
B- Bed size A queen size. Room for me, my books, my walkman, notepads, cassettes (there's an age give-away) and the Butler’s tea tray.
C- Chore you hate. Housework, gardening, sex and saving money, breaking in a new Butler.
I couldn't choose one, they're all at the top of the list.
D - Dog’s name. Don't have one now but if I do buy one, its name will be Harold the Elk.
Thank you Lord Hughes.
Memo to self: see if the Butler would go for a name change.
E - Essential start to your day. Apart from sunlight streaming in the window, Earl Grey Tea, black, no sugar, served by the Butler.
F - favorite colour. Mulberry and black. It's the Butler's livery.
G - gold or silver. Yellow gold, not rose gold or white gold.
If you’re going for white gold you might as well go platinum and hang the expense.
H- height. Six foot 2 inches. It’s my meme, I can lie if I want to.
I – instruments. Poker machines.
J – job. Work? That’s what the Butler’s for.
K – kids. I’m allergic to anything under the age of consent.
L - living arrangements. Blissfully alone, except for the Butler.
M - Mum's name. My dad used to call her ‘Angel’.
It’s unprintable what I’ve called her in the last week.
N – Nicknames. Puhleeese, with my height and the Butler trailing behind, no-one would dare.
O - overnight hospital stay other than birth. There’s not enough room on this blog to catalogue. I’ll go with the first one before I was 12 months old. I had a throat infection which obstructed my breathing so the men-in-white carted me off to Fairfield Infectious Diseases Hospital without my mother in attendance. I was kept there for a week, no contact with family until my mother came and got me. She was never told what was wrong with me or what treatment I was given. And you wonder why I love the X-Files. Unfortunately I only found out after Fairfield was closed so now I’ll never know.
P - pet peeve. Comments about my weight. People smoking near me. People drinking too much and being obnoxious. Kids who barf on me. Football players who can’t keep it in their pants. Sam Newman who can’t keep his gob shut. Men who think women are inferior when we actually rule the world, albeit in secret. Creationists. (I would time travel them back to the dinosaurs to try living with them since they’re so convinced)
The list is endless. I’m a grumpy old woman.
Q - Quote from a movie. “We’re gunna need a bigger boat” That statement applies to everything that goes wrong. I love that film.
R - robot or human. With some blokes you can’t tell.
Pardon me while I go check the Butler.
S – Siblings. Sister but then I can’t be certain. I may have been swapped for an alien at Fairfield.
T - time you wake up. After the Butler arrives and before the tea goes cold.
U – underwear. Commando in the house, Bombay bloomers in the street.
I wouldn’t want to frighten the horses if I fell over.
V - Vegetable you dislike. Besides Sam Newman? Okra, chokoes, eggplant and sweet potato.
W- ways you run late. I am never late or the Butler gets fired.
X - X-rays you've had. Too many, I probably glow in the dark.
Y - Yummy food you make. I used to be a great cook but I’ve lost the knack except for a booze laden Christmas cake that can prove lethal. Fortunately the Butler seems to have been trained at the Ritz.
Z - Zoo favourite. I hate zoos except for endangered species but I love otters. I always head for the otters.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
CHRISTMAS MEME
Starting at 8.45 this morning, Insanity Central ramped it up.
I wanted to have a stroll to the bus stop because public transport was free and a stroll around less crowded shops in Mentone then a leisurely afternoon of Mother getting her presents.
I spent most of the morning on the phone sorting out her life.
She couldn't swallow her pills. The washing machine was broken. Somebody called from the housekeeping but she couldn't remember what they said.
She swallowed the pills when she put water in the glass.
The washing machine was turned off at the wall and so was the dryer which was just as well since she took the soaking washing out of the machine and put it in the dryer. I siphoned the water out of that and gingerly switched it on, good, the electrics didn't blow up.
I got her lunch, gave her the presents and a bunch of pale pink roses with a cream outer petal and received the orders for the afternoon. I'd already done most of them which always pisses her off and while she slept, I got to finish this Christmas present meme from Sunday's Age.
1. If you were feeling greedy......
The biggest most luxurious suite in my choice of hotel for two weeks with a personal chef, never ending Champagne ( a different one each day to go with the gourmet food) and a jacuzi with a view over the city to the bay.
2. If you weren't feeling greedy.....
The biggest donation ever to the Fred Hollows Foundation. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to live in a third world country let alone live there without sight.
3. If you were being practical......
Made to measure granny boots. Is it still practical to have them made by Christian Louboutin?
4. If you had to share your present.......
A Gold Class Cinema for the entire day. Free food, drink and the company of bloggers but my choice of movies, I'm not that generous. I think an Indianna Jones marathon with Daffy Duck cartoon breaks. Nothing cerebral and nothing to make me cry. No mobile phones but yelling, talking and throwing jaffas allowed.
5. If you were 10 years old again......
A sugar plum fairy tutu, pale pink toe shoes and don't forget the tiara.
6. If you had a present for one day only (and then had to return it).......
I'd like to have Catherine Jenkins voice and sing every song I've ever loved. The thing is I couldn't hold a note if you put it in a jar with handles but she can.
Of course I'd have to apologize for the state it was in when I returned it.
My Christmas Day of Peace is assured. Four magazines, two novels, six DVDs, one box of chocolates and the glorious Bombay. No tofus were harmed in the making of my Christmas salad.
I wanted to have a stroll to the bus stop because public transport was free and a stroll around less crowded shops in Mentone then a leisurely afternoon of Mother getting her presents.
I spent most of the morning on the phone sorting out her life.
She couldn't swallow her pills. The washing machine was broken. Somebody called from the housekeeping but she couldn't remember what they said.
She swallowed the pills when she put water in the glass.
The washing machine was turned off at the wall and so was the dryer which was just as well since she took the soaking washing out of the machine and put it in the dryer. I siphoned the water out of that and gingerly switched it on, good, the electrics didn't blow up.
I got her lunch, gave her the presents and a bunch of pale pink roses with a cream outer petal and received the orders for the afternoon. I'd already done most of them which always pisses her off and while she slept, I got to finish this Christmas present meme from Sunday's Age.
1. If you were feeling greedy......
The biggest most luxurious suite in my choice of hotel for two weeks with a personal chef, never ending Champagne ( a different one each day to go with the gourmet food) and a jacuzi with a view over the city to the bay.
2. If you weren't feeling greedy.....
The biggest donation ever to the Fred Hollows Foundation. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to live in a third world country let alone live there without sight.
3. If you were being practical......
Made to measure granny boots. Is it still practical to have them made by Christian Louboutin?
4. If you had to share your present.......
A Gold Class Cinema for the entire day. Free food, drink and the company of bloggers but my choice of movies, I'm not that generous. I think an Indianna Jones marathon with Daffy Duck cartoon breaks. Nothing cerebral and nothing to make me cry. No mobile phones but yelling, talking and throwing jaffas allowed.
5. If you were 10 years old again......
A sugar plum fairy tutu, pale pink toe shoes and don't forget the tiara.
6. If you had a present for one day only (and then had to return it).......
I'd like to have Catherine Jenkins voice and sing every song I've ever loved. The thing is I couldn't hold a note if you put it in a jar with handles but she can.
Of course I'd have to apologize for the state it was in when I returned it.
My Christmas Day of Peace is assured. Four magazines, two novels, six DVDs, one box of chocolates and the glorious Bombay. No tofus were harmed in the making of my Christmas salad.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
GIRL STUFF MEME
Foundation:
Never bother with it except if there are going to be strong lights in which case Selley's ultra-fine finish poly filler is excellent.
Mascara:
Essential. It's a fact of life that old age brings grey hair and that means all hair including eyelashes. Never mind those fiddly lash wands, buy a yard broom.
Day Cream:
Day, hour, minute cream, litres of it. Doesn't work over a certain age but makes you feel virtuous for trying to stem the advancing tide of wrinkles.
Essential Beauty Product:
I suppose they mean beside money. Soothing eye cream, without which my peepers look like two proverbials in the snow.
Favourite Makeup Product:
Money? Lipstick, copper or bronze with built in pheromones.
Perfume:
Never go to bed without it. YSL's Opium. Expensive, very expensive. Birthday coming up. Hint.
Nails:
Karma again. I used to be overly proud of my long shapely nails but the older one gets the more calcium the body chucks away so now I'm left with sheared off stumpy crappy nails which split and crack so Araldyte gives a nice shiny finish.
Hands:
Huzzah!! Sarah Jessica Parker and Madonna have worse hands than me. I try to keep them out of washing up water, washing floor water or hanging out wet washing. You shouldn't handle dirty money either, use a credit card. Don't use hand lotion, lets the men slip through your fingers too easily.
Feet:
Yeah, still got two and all the defects are hidden inside flat heeled grannyboots. They're also my fat measure rule. If I can't reach to put nail polish on, I need to lose some or I could just stand up and let gravity guide my hand to each toe. Yes, I cheat.
Three products to bring on a deserted island:
Bombay Sapphire, soda water and a crystal glass. Bombay is an absolute beauty must. If I drink enough, I'll look fabulous, in any mirror, on any island.
Women I admire for their beauty:
I'll go for Aussies. Jennifer Hawkins. Anyone who can lose their dress while wearing a thong and still laugh while looking good is a winner. Maggie Taberer, fat and fabulous and loving her age.
Woman with the best sense of style:
I'm going for Her Maj. here. Age appropriate dressing and doesn't need a stylist to tell her what tiara to put on. She can still wear a dress beaded with 10kgs of bling and float. The woman's a legend.
My ultimate dream:
To wake up on my birthday and find out the Goddess has given me the body of Elle, the combined IQ of several well-known bloggers and taken 20 years off my age.
How do I define Womanhood:
Comfortable shoes with men firmly under the heel.
Favourite fashion publication:
Bunnings sale catalogue, has everything I need.
Never bother with it except if there are going to be strong lights in which case Selley's ultra-fine finish poly filler is excellent.
Mascara:
Essential. It's a fact of life that old age brings grey hair and that means all hair including eyelashes. Never mind those fiddly lash wands, buy a yard broom.
Day Cream:
Day, hour, minute cream, litres of it. Doesn't work over a certain age but makes you feel virtuous for trying to stem the advancing tide of wrinkles.
Essential Beauty Product:
I suppose they mean beside money. Soothing eye cream, without which my peepers look like two proverbials in the snow.
Favourite Makeup Product:
Money? Lipstick, copper or bronze with built in pheromones.
Perfume:
Never go to bed without it. YSL's Opium. Expensive, very expensive. Birthday coming up. Hint.
Nails:
Karma again. I used to be overly proud of my long shapely nails but the older one gets the more calcium the body chucks away so now I'm left with sheared off stumpy crappy nails which split and crack so Araldyte gives a nice shiny finish.
Hands:
Huzzah!! Sarah Jessica Parker and Madonna have worse hands than me. I try to keep them out of washing up water, washing floor water or hanging out wet washing. You shouldn't handle dirty money either, use a credit card. Don't use hand lotion, lets the men slip through your fingers too easily.
Feet:
Yeah, still got two and all the defects are hidden inside flat heeled grannyboots. They're also my fat measure rule. If I can't reach to put nail polish on, I need to lose some or I could just stand up and let gravity guide my hand to each toe. Yes, I cheat.
Three products to bring on a deserted island:
Bombay Sapphire, soda water and a crystal glass. Bombay is an absolute beauty must. If I drink enough, I'll look fabulous, in any mirror, on any island.
Women I admire for their beauty:
I'll go for Aussies. Jennifer Hawkins. Anyone who can lose their dress while wearing a thong and still laugh while looking good is a winner. Maggie Taberer, fat and fabulous and loving her age.
Woman with the best sense of style:
I'm going for Her Maj. here. Age appropriate dressing and doesn't need a stylist to tell her what tiara to put on. She can still wear a dress beaded with 10kgs of bling and float. The woman's a legend.
My ultimate dream:
To wake up on my birthday and find out the Goddess has given me the body of Elle, the combined IQ of several well-known bloggers and taken 20 years off my age.
How do I define Womanhood:
Comfortable shoes with men firmly under the heel.
Favourite fashion publication:
Bunnings sale catalogue, has everything I need.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
FOODPORNMEME
1. What food do you consider the best "date" food? In other words, what meal or food item do you think is sexiest to eat in the company of someone you would like to look sexy around?
The thought of me looking sexy near any kind of food is hysterical to start with but the choice is kind of limited. Nothing that will stick on teeth, nothing sticky to make teeth fall out, nothing that will melt in inappropriate places and please, no garlic.
It will have to be raspberries in Dom Perignon and in a very, very expensive crystal glass, better make that a large bowl, no, glass, I forgot the looking sexy bit. Perhaps a delicate silver pickle fork to fish out the raspberries instead of spearing them with a fingernail. That's a helluva lota work, can I slurp from the bottle and eat out of the punnet? Not Sexy enough?
2. What well-known person would you like to share a meal with?
Share??? Kevvie would probably say Grace. Prince Chuckie would want to talk to the flower arrangement. Elton would want to wear the flower arrangement. Aha! I see a loophole, it doesn't say which sex. Okay, I'm having tea with The Queen at the Palace if I can get my tiara back from Elton in time. The Queen and I have so much in common, she likes gin.
3. What does your perfect breakfast-in-bed look like? (food and the details, please)
Whaaat! Oh right, food part, you're not getting the details. Um, food, right, just wait a minute til I get my eyes back in focus. Mini croissants, several different preserves, fresh coffee, long black. Chocolates, Swiss-made, in a large box, for the choice. I mean I'll only have time for one or two.
Shut up, civilised people eat chocolate for breakfast.
4. What do you consider the best application of whipped cream to be?
Piled on top of the Pavlova he's holding. What other use would there be? REALLY, you can do that with whipped cream? Where does the Pavlova go?
5. Oh-God-No, Biff, the yacht is sinking! You are sent to the galley to retrieve the food. What luxury food items do you snatch first? The champagne? The caviar? Smoked salmon? Truffles? Chocolate? or something else?
Idiots! I'm on a yacht, I own it so I grab the cabin boy. The cabin boy I've personally trained to carry chocolate and a bottle of champagne 24/7 in case of this kind of emergency. I'd leave Biff behind, he's rather a bore.
The thought of me looking sexy near any kind of food is hysterical to start with but the choice is kind of limited. Nothing that will stick on teeth, nothing sticky to make teeth fall out, nothing that will melt in inappropriate places and please, no garlic.
It will have to be raspberries in Dom Perignon and in a very, very expensive crystal glass, better make that a large bowl, no, glass, I forgot the looking sexy bit. Perhaps a delicate silver pickle fork to fish out the raspberries instead of spearing them with a fingernail. That's a helluva lota work, can I slurp from the bottle and eat out of the punnet? Not Sexy enough?
2. What well-known person would you like to share a meal with?
Share??? Kevvie would probably say Grace. Prince Chuckie would want to talk to the flower arrangement. Elton would want to wear the flower arrangement. Aha! I see a loophole, it doesn't say which sex. Okay, I'm having tea with The Queen at the Palace if I can get my tiara back from Elton in time. The Queen and I have so much in common, she likes gin.
3. What does your perfect breakfast-in-bed look like? (food and the details, please)
Whaaat! Oh right, food part, you're not getting the details. Um, food, right, just wait a minute til I get my eyes back in focus. Mini croissants, several different preserves, fresh coffee, long black. Chocolates, Swiss-made, in a large box, for the choice. I mean I'll only have time for one or two.Shut up, civilised people eat chocolate for breakfast.
4. What do you consider the best application of whipped cream to be?
Piled on top of the Pavlova he's holding. What other use would there be? REALLY, you can do that with whipped cream? Where does the Pavlova go?
5. Oh-God-No, Biff, the yacht is sinking! You are sent to the galley to retrieve the food. What luxury food items do you snatch first? The champagne? The caviar? Smoked salmon? Truffles? Chocolate? or something else?
Idiots! I'm on a yacht, I own it so I grab the cabin boy. The cabin boy I've personally trained to carry chocolate and a bottle of champagne 24/7 in case of this kind of emergency. I'd leave Biff behind, he's rather a bore.
Monday, May 26, 2008
I COULDN'T RESIST ANOTHER
Sunday, May 25, 2008
I AM STILL ONE
What Animal Were You In Your Past Life? | |
 | You were a unicorn. You were mysterious and noble. You have fairytale traits, and other people can only dream in envy. Your nature is completely impossible to decipher and behind all that, you know that you shine bright, for only the luckiest people get the chance to know you. |
| Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com | |
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
ANOTHER MEME FOR THE COLLECTION
It's not my fault, blame Lad Litter and his temptation of the Meme Queen. They're left overs from another meme that went on forever and which I took seriously but not today.
Five weird things about me, to go with the other hundred or so I've posted here over the years.
1. If I was a monument.....I would be the pyramids, the big pyramids not those piddling little ones hanging about all over Egypt. I'd still have the glittering limestone tops, you know how I love bling.
2. If I was a poem.....I'd be the Odyssey. Ancient Greeks, Gods on high, Trojan women and revenge. Homer certainly knew how to string out a story.
3. If I was a landmass.....I'd be Hawaii. Surrounded by ocean and volcanic by nature. It's no coincidence that the Goddess Pele had long red hair. I'd wear green and have orchids in my hair and know what happens in the last series of 'Lost'.
4. If I was a sea animal.....(not a whale) I'd be an otter. Floating around on my back in the water eating my dinner off my chest seems like a good way to pass the time. Of course, I could also be a voluptuous mermaid, singing my siren songs to lure luscious young sailors to my waiting hands but that'd be fishy not animal.
5. If I was a taste......I'd be delicious and you can fill in whatever delicious rings your bell.
Five weird things about me, to go with the other hundred or so I've posted here over the years.
1. If I was a monument.....I would be the pyramids, the big pyramids not those piddling little ones hanging about all over Egypt. I'd still have the glittering limestone tops, you know how I love bling.
2. If I was a poem.....I'd be the Odyssey. Ancient Greeks, Gods on high, Trojan women and revenge. Homer certainly knew how to string out a story.
3. If I was a landmass.....I'd be Hawaii. Surrounded by ocean and volcanic by nature. It's no coincidence that the Goddess Pele had long red hair. I'd wear green and have orchids in my hair and know what happens in the last series of 'Lost'.
4. If I was a sea animal.....(not a whale) I'd be an otter. Floating around on my back in the water eating my dinner off my chest seems like a good way to pass the time. Of course, I could also be a voluptuous mermaid, singing my siren songs to lure luscious young sailors to my waiting hands but that'd be fishy not animal.
5. If I was a taste......I'd be delicious and you can fill in whatever delicious rings your bell.
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