Saturday, February 10, 2007
THIS AIN'T RAMSEY STREET
Well if it was some fictitious street in some fictitious neighbourhood then I would have Henry on one side and someone equally as delicious on the other.
Instead I have been blessed with a controlling nag on one side and a pain in the arse on the other.
Controlling nag comes in this afternoon wanting to know if I've heard a duck quacking at night. It's keeping her awake so naturally she's hunting it down. Quickly hiding my trusty duck hunter quacker maker, I tell her no. Deprived of a witness to this nocturnal Daffy, she decides to have a go at my tree on the fence line.
Given it is not the most beautiful of trees but it was free and it's a battler in summer and winter, I don't mind it. I mean anything that grows in this garden without food and water is a survivor and should be given a medal not insults about its ragged shaggy mangy branches. I like its leaves that look like a deranged Rasta after a particularly good smoke.
I think this was the real reason for the visit. She's re-doing her garden, Yuccas and cactus and my monster is peering over her fence. I've already cut down two trees on the fence to please her although I wouldn't have if I hadn't wanted to and cut down the pine tree to please the arsehole on the other side so this one's staying.
My Feng Shui book says I should put up mirrors to deflect negative energies away from the house. If I deflected her negative energy I'd have enough mirrors up to guide the space shuttle back to earth. Whining bitch has been this way ever since I first met her. I've watched every woman in the street fight with her but never bothered myself. I learnt long ago that punching marshmallows gets you nowhere.
I allow her to remain superior in her own mind, anything that small should be cared for. Besides she's older than me and in nature's way should die first. I'm sorry the cat's too old to climb the fence and piss on her Yuccas.