Friday, June 15, 2007

CRAP

Well the educational quota of the blog has just been filled. I have a new meme thanks to the halfhearted hack but it's taking a bit of time, 10 things I hate about people. It's the narrowing down to 10 that's the trouble. At least it's not 10 things I like about people, that would take a bit of brain power and possibly lying. 10 things I hate about my mother could get a run.

There have been a few deaths around the blogosphere in the past month and they're been people who have been dearly loved. This is why I've been reluctant to post anything about my mother who is driving us to the brink of insanity.

How do you deal with someone who is fine at the start of a conversation and does a 360 degree in the middle and ends up by changing into Linda Blair short of the green projectile vomiting.
She has vowed and declared to one and all that she is not leaving her home again except by feet first and if she could take one of us to serve her in the afterlife, she'd do it.

The nurses say agree with everything she says and do it your way. They're not living with her. Thank the goddess I'm not actually living in the same house with her. I vaguely remember thinking I would move in and look after her when this all started, I put it down to loss of memory as to what it was like to live with her. She is such a control freak that when they're screwing down the lid of the coffin, she'll be yelling, "use nails, they're cheaper".

We had an extremely feral weekend with her because her sister got to visit somewhere that Ma has wanted to go. Her friend, the only one she can rely on, (don't count us, we're in the slave quarters) is going away for three weeks. So the signs for peace in our time are disappearing as we countdown to the departure date.

By the time she had asked me for the fifth time, "What's wrong with me? Why do I feel this bad?" I lost the plot and told her straight, "You're dying, come to terms with this and deal with it". She replied, "No I'm not." And I have been paying for that ever since. Whatever is playing bingo with her brain cells is making her twisted, bitter and downright nasty. I'm turning into a hard hearted bitch in order to keep from going under. So sorry to all those people in blogland who have lost someone they loved. Sorry about the bitching but it's hard to lose someone when they're still alive.

4 comments:

Andrew said...

Like I have seen wives or husbands partners with (can't spell it) old peoples brain disease. By the time the person dies, it is only a relief. The grieving has already been done over a long period because the person they knew has disappeared. I hope you will be able to remember more positive things about your mother in time to come.

Blogging has really come of age when bloggers start to die and other bloggers report on it.

outofctrl said...

*hugs*

I can only imagine how difficult all this must be. I'm sure that you're already doing the best you can, so don't be too hard on yourself. My thoughts are with you.

JahTeh said...

Andrew, as Steph reported Hunii died from lung cancer and she was young. Audreyandthebadapples lost her mother to stomach cancer but A is only midtwenties. Middlechild who you know has lost Don and she's my age. So death doesn't care about age. Even when my mother does go, I'm going to have to get an exorcist in to make sure.

*hugs* back OoC, you're having your own problems. Get yourself down to Chinatown and look into some FengShui for your career. We'll deal with the love life when you're rich.

Middle Child said...

Oh! I am so terribly sorry for you. How much worse it is for it to be like this? Although my Don has experinced all the tortures modern medical system (if it can be called that) can inflict...he remained himself, full of love and humour (be it black at times) and a sad acceptance. All he left behind was sweet and good...and in that I am lucky, although the grief is awful.

But for you to be living like this, and to be rightfully feeling like you do ...what can I say to make it feel better? It will end one day, and when it does, do not allow yourself one moment of anything negative. You have done beyond your best and somewhere the balance will be struck. Your mum when she dies (and I believe this) will know truth. Not the surface truth of how you feel because of what is happening, but that deep deep inside yourself you had the sense of compassion to hang in there no matter that you had the right to walk away at any time.

For now I just hope today is a good day, and the same tomorrow. and that finally your mum will say to herself "I am dying" and go sweetly... leaving you with something you are not expecting. I may be silly but I hope this happens. If not...you have done the best any daughter could ever do...and your soul will shine because of it. Even if right now it all feels a bit tarnished